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What Happened To Discipline?

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  • What Happened To Discipline?

    My last two interviews have me questioning if this is the “new” norm for parenting.

    I interviewed another family last night. The parents allowed the child to run all over my furniture, run up and down the stairs (I don’t put the gate up for interviews after hours) and when they asked the kid to clean up the toys, he screamed bloody murder. DCM casually said “He will scream if you ask him to do something he doesn’t want to do.” All I could think was, so you don’t discipline the kid for it?!

    The mother goes on to say that if the kid doesn’t like food, he’ll spit it out onto his plate… and she then proceeded to casually demonstrate how he does it.

    Then I ask the infamous “How does the child nap?” question. Mother says, “Well he will need to lay down with his cup and a blanket. He usually doesn’t sleep but if you pat his butt he will. Sometimes he sleeps in his toddler bed and sometimes I have to put him in a pack and play.” The kid is 2YO. I say, “Cups stay in the kitchen and I am not patting his butt to get him to sleep.” She looked at me like I had three heads.

    The final “nope” was when the man (not the child’s father) tells me that they “want to get him into daycare to prepare the kid for preschool. We want him to learn how to sit down and be with other kids.” Sorry guy, it’s not my responsibility to teach the child what you’re wanting. The kid should know these things before coming to daycare.
    ___________________________________

    Another example of the lack of discipline I’ve come across recently:

    DCK4.8 was standing on the ledge of my toy box several times one day. Redirection didn’t work so he gets sent to time out at the end of the day. Kid begins hysterically crying. Annoyed, I tell the kid “Knock it off - that won’t work for me.” Kid stops crying and finishes the time out. DCD arrives later, I tell the kid to tell his dad why he ended up in time out. Kid starts the crying crap again. I roll my eyes and tell DCD what happened. Instead of telling the kid to knock it off and backing me up, DCD says “Do you want me to buy you a new toy box?” WHAT!?!

    I respond, “When he breaks it, yes! The toy box isn’t broken right now but for safety reasons, the child shouldn’t be on it and he have to be told not to stand on the toy box multiple times. He’s almost 5, not 2!” DCD then proceeds to baby the child because Heaven forbid the child has rules to follow anywhere.

    I don’t get it.
    Last edited by GirlMomma; 3 weeks ago.

  • #2
    I had a toddler girl several years ago who would scream bloody murder any time she didn’t get her way. Her mom told me at home, they (parents and two older sisters) usually just gave in to her, because if not, she would scream. 🙄

    Comment


    • GirlMomma
      GirlMomma commented
      Editing a comment
      Those actions are causing her to continue this behavior. Why can’t people see that?!

    • fivestarday
      fivestarday commented
      Editing a comment
      I think part of it, maybe, is parents like to say everything is a "stage" the child is going through. In reality, the child is being taught every moment of every day how to behave. DS4 was having issues with screaming and crying fits a couple of months ago. I blamed my choices and readjusted what I was doing until it stopped being an option for him. But that does not mean he did not have to face consequences. I think discipline is about example, consistency, and consequences mixed finely with a "heck no, don't even go there" attitude of the parent. My son hasn't thrown a fit since I upped the levels on the consequences and "heck no, don't even go there" attitude. LOL

  • #3
    In that moment, they don’t want to hear the screaming. They’re not willing to put in the work required to teach their child appropriate behavior.

    In the case of the toddler girl I mentioned above, I kept an extra pack & play set up one room away from the daycare room. When she started screaming, I would wordlessly pick her up and calmly place her in the pack & play and walk away. The instant the screaming stopped, I brought her back in with us and never said a word about it. It didn’t take long before she had completely stopped screaming here. She was, however, still doing it at home! She was still getting results there. 🤷🏼‍♀️

    Comment


    • #4
      No-Cry Parenting aka Permissive Parenting.

      Also the "kid gets me the attention I have been seeking" parents fit in here. "Mommy loves baby show" or "Daddy is the favorite" types.

      The virtue signalers are on my last nerve lately. Kid is daycare every minute possible, holidays, birthdays, sick days and vacation weeks. But they post non-stop on social media about how their kids are their world. All photos are 80% parent faces and 100% photo shopped. Just gross.
      Last edited by Cat Herder; 3 weeks ago.

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      • #5
        My dad used to say that discipline (whatever form) must be a 'deterrent' from unacceptable behavior. There is NO 'deterrent' now as kids cry, scream, spit, yell, holler, lay on the floor, etc. till they get what they want. There is NO consistency with any 'deterrent'. Parents today have children 'thinking' they just turn into lovely tiny humans but it takes work (role modeling, time, presence, etc.). Just my thoughts.

        Comment


        • Cat Herder
          Cat Herder commented
          Editing a comment
          Yep. Discipline = to teach. Punish = to reinforce previously learned behavior.

        • Annalee
          Annalee commented
          Editing a comment
          Amen, ch!

        • GirlMomma
          GirlMomma commented
          Editing a comment
          Cat Herder and Annalee very well said!

      • #6
        EVERY KID in my care is in charge of the relationship with their parents.
        EVERYTHING their kids do is adorable
        CRYING is never ok, parents deter this by giving their kids everything they want.
        NO is never an option.
        I'm over it

        Comment


        • GirlMomma
          GirlMomma commented
          Editing a comment
          I am over it, too

      • #7
        Originally posted by Rockgirl View Post
        They’re not willing to put in the work required to teach their child appropriate behavior.
        I have one family in particular that when I mention ANYTHING about their children's behavior either parent will say "Welcome to my [our] world!" as if they are victims of circumstance.

        I fight every fiber of my being not to reach out and slap them...no really...But I do want to say "You do know YOU have the power to fix/address/curb this behavior right?"

        But I am afraid 1) they know and don't want to do it or 2) they know and don't really care. Either way.... it's not THEIR problem.

        Comment


        • Annalee
          Annalee commented
          Editing a comment
          Out of sight, out of mind..... no one actually 'parents' their kids!

        • Coloradoprovider
          Coloradoprovider commented
          Editing a comment
          Blackcat, you are much more diplomatic than me! I say things that I wouldn't have said many years ago! Yes, I would say something like, "You do have the power to fix this issue, do you need suggestions?" I also have no problem correcting behavior if I see it regardless if parent is present or not!
          Last edited by Coloradoprovider; 3 weeks ago. Reason: misspelled

      • #8
        But, But, But... everyone should have a right to abandon their parental responsibilities for free.

        The government needs them to buy more stuff and pay more taxes.

        Comment


        • GirlMomma
          GirlMomma commented
          Editing a comment
          THIS!!!

          These days, a parent just has to buy clothing for the child. The schools/providers are expected to do the rest.
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