Child Cried for 5 hours Today

[fivestarday]

I don't know what to say. Am i some kind of scary monster? I've never yelled at this child, used any kind of physical discipline. Nothing. I've told her "No" and "stop" or "don't hit" or "not safe." She used to be happy here in my care. She used to run to me at the start of the day and happily go into my arms.

Lately? She cries, sobs, screams, yells, screeches on and off and always more on than off for the hour before pick-up like clockwork. She screams for mom and dad while at the window or at the door. Today, she cried for the entire time after nap. 4 hours total on and off crying. She might find something interesting for 3 minutes, and then, another fit.

It scares DD10months. I am closing anyway and only have about a month left with all of my families. But this crying is insane. I've never seen anything like that before. I have not changed much of anything about my home or my routine with her. Could it be something at HER home going on?

Any advice welcome.

[Valerie928]

That's so sad I've never had anything like this happen. All of my dck have had off/whiney days but nothing like you describe.
Is she not feeling well?

[fivestarday]

Thank you for the reply!

This has been happening with her so frequently and so consistently, through illness and through health. It started about the week before she went on spring break. That was about a month ago. It has steadily gotten worse to the point of today's 4 hour long crying spell. I know she does not get a lot of time with her parents, but what full time care kid does? The crying used to wear me out so badly, I would just go to bed by 7PM. Now I'm used to it.

Usually in the mornings, she is happy to be here. But after nap, she is angry for the rest of the day. I feed her well, protein, fruits, veggies, etc. I make sure she has water or her milk to drink. I keep her diaper changed almost every two hours. We spend two sessions outside. I don't know what I could possibly be doing that she dislikes so intensely. Except, maybe, telling her "No."

[flying_babyb]

Thank you for the reply!

This has been happening with her so frequently and so consistently, through illness and through health. It started about the week before she went on spring break. That was about a month ago. It has steadily gotten worse to the point of today's 4 hour long crying spell. I know she does not get a lot of time with her parents, but what full time care kid does? The crying used to wear me out so badly, I would just go to bed by 7PM. Now I'm used to it.

Usually in the mornings, she is happy to be here. But after nap, she is angry for the rest of the day. I feed her well, protein, fruits, veggies, etc. I make sure she has water or her milk to drink. I keep her diaper changed almost every two hours. We spend two sessions outside. I don't know what I could possibly be doing that she dislikes so intensely. Except, maybe, telling her "No."

How do you react when shes acting like this?

[fivestarday]

I react by comforting her. I tell her it's OK, that mommy is at work. I offer her food, water, physical touch like rubbing her head or her back. I try to distract her with toys or books. I take her outside or for walks. There is only so much I can do, though, as far as babying her when I have a 10 month old of my own.

I have adjusted the nap schedules so that DCG and DD10months are now mostly separated. That way, DCG is the youngest in the room and gets focused attention from me. But it isn't working. The crying lasts for 20 or 30 minutes every time she might stumble or not get her way.

[Pestle]

Could be any number of things. She could be simply entering a challenging developmental stage in which her mindset and hormones are at odds with her environment. She could be suffering from depression; it doesn't manifest in children the same way that it manifests in adults. She could be experiencing anxiety because of some factor at home or because of some factor in daycare. She could be sick with something that she can't communicate about and which nobody has noticed.

The responsible thing is to stay in contact with the parents and let them know when the child has a day when they are screaming uncontrollably for an hour or more. You aren't doing them any favors by keeping their child without feedback or expectations. Imagine how you would feel if you found out at the end of the week that your childhood cried through school every single day. It's standard to notify the parents when the crying first gets to be a problem, and let them know that she's not responding to typical soothing efforts, and then text them to let them know that their child is unable to participate that day and needs to be picked up.

Whether you are closing or not, nobody needs to deal with this all day long, except for the parents. Let it continue, and you may lose all of your last month's income as the other families say it's not worth it to keep their kids in a space with the screaming kid.

[fivestarday]

Thanks for the reply.

If I found out my kid had been crying all week all day at school, I'd be like wth? I have let the parents know about this in daily reports. I've told them that she cries for the last hour of care and that on other days, she will cry on and off the entire afternoon after nap. I have also let them know in person at pick up after particularly bad days. I tell them that she has cried like this (sobbing, screaming). They don't seem bothered by it. They don't say much at all, except to say to her, "oh did you have a hard day" and they might apologize to me. Maybe this is normal for her with them?

I wish I could say the only time she isn't crying is when we are outside. It is reduced then, but still ongoing. She sits at the door and screams for her mom. I try to distract her, but it just doesn't work.

To me, it just seems like for whatever reason, she is not happy here. And I feel like, even if it is convenient for mom and dad, to keep her here would be wrong. I have not changed anything about our routine (save a nap adjustment) since she started months ago. I have never physically disciplined her or yelled at her. So my bewilderment is what is it about here that makes her so sad and angry? It's totally bizarre.

I guess I'm right for thinking this is unusual and that makes me feel better about discontinuing care.

[fivestarday]

UPDATE: I had a talk with the mom today where I was more detailed and more explicit about the challenges of providing care for multiple children with dcg's unhappiness. I explained how often and how long dcg cries for. DCM was receptive, respectful, and sad. Today was probably the most difficult conversation I have ever had with a dcm, as I saw clearly the pain dcm feels about going to work and not being able to spend as much time as she wants with her daughter. DCM became emotional. Very difficult to see.

[GirlMomma]

I would let DCM know the child’s last day is Friday.

[fivestarday]

Is the unhappiness of this child something that happens often with kids in full time care? I find this whole situation so bizarre. Dcg was happy here for months and now just isn't.

[GirlMomma]

It depends on the child, some kids aren’t a good fit for daycare.

I had a 10 month old girl do this for months after she started, she was only happy if I held her. Her cry was similar to a goose squawking. It was the worst cry I’ve ever heard. After reading through this Forum, I termed and joined.

I had a 3YO DCG that would cry for 5-10 mins when she started with me. Overtime, it got worse. For a few days, I would pick the kid up and take her to quiet spot, not time out, so she could collect herself with pop-its and even play dough. When the child became violent and kicking me/other DCK, I made the parents deal with it (I stopped intervening entirely) and DCM actually left with the kid one day because she couldn’t get DCG to calm down to leave without her. The next day, DCM came by to plead with me to take the child from her arms. I refused to do it and advised DCM that they had two weeks to get the child’s behavior under control or I’d term. One day, DCP finagled their way out the door, kid kicked and screamed for 15 mins. I called for pick up and they pulled her.

Regardless, it’s unfair to the child as well as you and the other DCK to deal with this each day. If you’ve done everything you can to make this a positive experience for the child, make it the parents problem to deal with. Call for pick up when she’s crying. Term at the end of the week.

[fivestarday]

GirlMomma, thank you for your input. It is nice to know that I am dealing with something that is "just one of those things" instead of the result of something I have done or haven't done. You wrote that "if you've done everything you can to make this positive experience for the child," and that really struck me. I started adding up all the things I have done to help her be happy throughout the day. There's a TON! And then I started adding up the times she cries.

DCG is here today and has been here for a little over an hour. She has started crying about 20 times. She has sat at the window and cried for mom three times. She has went to the garage interior door and cried for mom twice. The other times she has started crying have been triggered by a variety of things. Someone else enjoying a toy she was not even aware of. Someone not giving her their breakfast plate. Me telling her "No" or redirecting her to a different activity.

I've added it up and it's confirmed that DCG simply does not like being told "No." She also does not like it when I don't immediately do what she wants. Of course, I can't do everything she wants, so that's why all this trouble is here.