Daycare Conflicts of Interest

[jimmyinct]

just want to get some thoughts on this.

so my little guy goes to kindercare in CT, its a big chain... He and this girl in his class are both the same age and were good friends for the longest time, atleast I was told. Then about 2 weeks ago, the girls mother started to work at kindercare. I guess teh girls mother and the director there use to be old friends and in the labor crisis, they hired her. Im happy in some ways s they kept having to close early before they hired her and I couldnt keep missing work.

At first the new worker/mom was in other rooms for older children (not with her daughter) but eventually got moved into the room as her daughter. Im not sure how or why this happened.

My little guy Joe love affection. He was always trying to be held by the original teacher and then also with this new teacher.

We are only allowed to stay there for about 5 minutes at drop off due to covid so I dont know alot about what is going on.

But I did notice last monday the girls mom was playing with baby Joe after I dropped him off so that he wouldnt cry when I left. During this time, the daugher came over and grabbed all the toys they had and threw them a and kept going back for other toys and throwing them. I know kids do this but it didnt seem like play.

I had always hypothesized the daugher was going to be jealous when the mom would play with other kids.

On Tuesday I talked to both teachers and said I thought there was jealously going on and described what I saw when her daughter was throwing the toys.. The mother described it as the way the 2 of them play. I have not yet ever even been allowed to be in there for more than 5 minutes (and this is new only as of about a month ago) so cant argue much but felt concerned enough to say something to the 2 of them.

Then today they called up to say my kid was biting other kids. I went in and asked and the mother said he bit her daughters 2 times. She wouldnt describe what happened only that my kid is going after other children and its not just her kid. I undersatnd her side and that she is upset but Im not sure she saw the point I was trying to make and want to check if this makes sense.


I realize kids can bite and stuff but my kid is pretty gentle overall thus far which is why I feel there is something else going on such as frustration.

Its hard to get a new daycare at this point in time and feel like im throwing away time if i have to move but dont see that this will work out.

The manager there is friends with this new mom for a long time. Am I right to complain or not?

-Jim

[Eleamo84]

I know where I work a teacher isn't to be in the same room as their child if they attend at that location. Although there have been a few exceptions such as a teacher quitting and the only qualified teacher that can be in that class is the parent.

I know my workplace has a few locations and friends aren't supposed to work with each other when there's a reporting relationship involved.

I'm sorry you're feeling frustrated with this situation. It can't be easy. Is there any way you could schedule a meeting with the teacher and director to find out what is going on?

I would also say that if you feel like your child is being treated unfairly and there is no change than it might be time to find another place. Sometimes peace of mind is worth the time in trying to find better care.

Just wanted to add that I feel like your child's teacher was a little unprofessional when she told you who your child supposedly bit.

[Cat Herder]

• "He was always trying to be held by the original teacher and then also with this new teacher."
• "...playing with baby Joe after I dropped him off so that he wouldn't cry when I left"
• "biting other kids"
• "my kid is going after other children and it's not just her kid"

The words in bold suggest they are attempting to tell you that it is your child's behaviors causing issues in the group, not the other way around. That the toy throwing and "jealousy" you are witnessing is a reaction to the behaviors your child exhibits each day. That it has been an ongoing issue in that room causing conflict.

Children in group daycare cannot be held or shown physical affection by unrelated adults for long periods of time. It isn't possible or advisable in group child care. There is an expectation that the parent has prepared their child for daycare by encouraging independence and self-soothing. They will be held for bottles, but then will be expected to be down on the floor with toys for proper physical, emotional and social development with their peers. Physical affection and bonding are done at home, with parents. Daycare providers tend to children's immediate needs, supervision, and educational curriculum.

Biting is due to frustration. Frustration can be due to lack of personal space, unmet needs, inability to communicate wants, lack of activities or not enough toys to go around. Work with them to rule out the issues that lead to his biting.

Why does he "always" need to be held? What need is unmet that requires this response? Why does he cry when you leave? How many hours per day is he there? How many hours per day does he have complete parental attention and affection? These are the questions I would be asking you and working through if he were in my care.

I hope this phase comes to a conclusion for you soon. Once you find and resolve the reason for his frustration I believe he will stop biting.