Bowel Issue/Potty Training

[GirlMomma]

Since my daycare is new, I need some help!

I have a DCB that just turned 3 a couple months ago. I suspect the child is mildly autistic.

DCB has always had an issue with number 2. I’m pretty sure he holds it in so long, that his bowels will force it out. By that point, it is so sticky, that it’s impossible to get off of his bum and he ALWAYS has a diaper rash. As soon as I would get it cleared up (I do diaper changes every 90 mins) the weekend comes and goes, and he’s right back to a terrible rash again Monday morning. Supposedly, DCM has talked to the pediatrician about this and was instructed to give him Miralax but she doesn’t like doing that because it gives him diarrhea. I have suggested Keifer, I’ve GIVEN her Fiber One Bars, told her about Activia yogurt, and she claims to try them but doesn’t see any improvement. 🙄

About one month ago, DCD showed up one morning and said “DCB is in underwear & likely has to pee.” I was confused because the child had not shown any interest in going to the potty previously & DCD didn’t send any extra underwear with him. I went ahead and took DCB to the potty. He surprisingly did pretty well... that day. The next day, DCB was trying to poo, there went the underwear. Same thing continues to happen with the occasional peeing accident. DCP have not sent any extra underwear, so when he soils what he has on, he’s back to the diaper. The child never tells me when he has to go, he will just go in his pants if I don’t take him. DCM says the same thing happens at home.

I’m not against potty training, I know consistency is key. But if he has bowel problems AND can’t tell anyone he has to go (even though he talks VERY well) then isn’t it too soon? Plus, how the heck am I supposed to potty train in a diaper? LOL cause I won’t!

What would you tell the parents? If anything?

[PB&J]

I’d tell them to take a long weekend and put him in underwear during all waking hours for three straight days, and calmly involve him (matter of factly, simply) in the cleanup of accidents so he deals with his own natural consequences. If they have to handle it for three straight days, they’ll likely see he’s not ready and that his bowel hang ups impede training, and agree to back off (assuming you’re ok with changing a three year old. It sounds like you are). You have to trust that the parents will set aside three days for their child, though…
send them to this site; it lists some signs of readiness, too, that may enlighten them. I’d also suggest to them to talk to their pediatrician. Most kids are ready at age 3, and if not a doctor can take a look to see if there are other things at play.
https://www.parents.com/toddlers-pre...ing-boot-camp/

if parents aren’t following the pediatrician’s advice…are letting the kid suffer that painful bowel experience…and are letting him sit with diaper rash….I’m not sure I’d continue care, TBH.

[GirlMomma]

While I don’t want to change a 3yo, I’d much rather do that than clean up a mess constantly. I like the long weekend idea and I’ll send this to DCM.

Unfortunately, the child still doesn’t know how to put his own shoes/coat on, wipe his own hands and face after lunch - something most of my 2’s can do - let alone clean up a mess like that. I don’t think he’s babied at home, but I could be wrong because I know he is with grandma frequently in the evenings so DCP can go to dinner. I truly suspect he is mildly autistic, but I doubt DCM is truthful at pediatric well checks. He’s very intelligent but DCM finds his mannerisms cute instead of having a heightened concern.

[GirlMomma]

I also suspect that DCD and I are the only ones working on potty training - I think DCM expects the boy to simply go and simply tell her when he has to go. I don’t think anything is being worked on besides putting him in pants.

[PB&J]

While I don’t want to change a 3yo, I’d much rather do that than clean up a mess constantly. I like the long weekend idea and I’ll send this to DCM.

Unfortunately, the child still doesn’t know how to put his own shoes/coat on, wipe his own hands and face after lunch - something most of my 2’s can do - let alone clean up a mess like that. I don’t think he’s babied at home, but I could be wrong because I know he is with grandma frequently in the evenings so DCP can go to dinner. I truly suspect he is mildly autistic, but I doubt DCM is truthful at pediatric well checks. He’s very intelligent but DCM finds his mannerisms cute instead of having a heightened concern.

I was thinking that if mom had to spend three days witnessing his efforts, or lack thereof, she might realize how behind he is. But it sounds like she’s in denial of a lot of things….and not really spending time with/on him as it is. Does she have no experience with kids at all?

We’re currently facing something similar, but not to that degree. Our kiddo is just “off” a bit. Since we provide a preschool portion, we fill out milestone forms about their progress throughout the year, and as a wrap-up to the school year we are including a flyer to direct parents to the school system’s screening evaluations (free to kids 3-5). For some parents we will more strongly suggest getting the evaluation, stating that someone with advanced training would be able to give them a better picture of where the kids are at. Could you fill out milestones based on what you see (so many online sites from reputable agencies make these available) and give it to the parents? Most states offer the screening programs as well, so printing that out for your location and giving it to them could give them a place to start. Sometimes they just don’t know what to do or what’s available. If dad seems more involved, maybe give it right to him?

this is about more than potty training, IMHO

(also, I don’t think most three year olds could clean up that kind of mess. But, if they know they will have to, it should inspire them to get to the toilet to just flush it away instead. Of course an adult would clean up the kid’s attempt at cleaning up! This is for parents at home, BTW. Our daycare rules don’t allow kids to handle feces or urine. I’m speaking of whenever they are at home, where hopefully they are in underwear and given some responsibility, with support)

[GirlMomma]

I’ll look online for a form. I don’t ever want to directly tell a parent there is an issue, but I also know the child needs help.

No, she doesn’t have experience. He is her first child. He has a brother, almost 2, that weighs more than he does, plays like the others do, is capable of doing all the things I mentioned above, besides cleaning up a mess of course. Honestly the little brother will likely be potty trained before big brother. I truly don’t see how she doesn’t see what I see, but she calls big brother “more tender” than little brother.

[PB&J]

Is dad more receptive? The school system will “catch” all this, but earlier help will be beneficial. Our CCR&R is always on us about early intervention. Maybe yours will have a form or approach for you to use with dad.

[GirlMomma]

No, dad is pushes more on the child. I think dad realizes there might be a delay, but with his line of work he’s not around too much.