The Venting Thread

[fivestarday]

Just joined. This is the second time I have opened my daycare after getting burned out the first time. I feel so much smarter this time around, but still not smart enough. I'm learning every day!

I have two excellent sets of parents I work with and then... I have one set of parents, the DCM mainly, who is so odd and rude. I have released a new illness exclusion policy, and I hope she disagrees with it enough to disenroll.

For example: I provide a detailed daily summary of DCB2's day, like all my kids I watch, to DCM every day in a message on FB. Changes, meals, snacks, some activity enjoyed, outside time, and nap time. Everything is covered. DCM messages me in the evening. "He said his pants were wet. What happened to his pants he was wearing this morning?" I reply: They got muddy outside. Meant to give them to you at the door, but forgot. To which she replies: "Oh. OK. I was just wondering where they were, because he said they were wet. And because I did not get them, I could not tell if they were wet or not." UM, yes dear, that is what has happened. Should we go over it again?

I'm sorry. Am I supposed to do everything? Like be your eyes and hands? Always? I have a very nice cubby I bought where the kids' items are neatly stored. His pants were right next to his coat, his hat, his shoes. I put his coat, hat, and shoes on him. This left his pants next to his backpack, which she also forgot to grab. Maybe if you were more capable of getting your son to do what needs to be done to leave rather than babying his every move, you would not be so flustered that you forget to be in control of your own destiny. lol I get this kid 100% ready to go, so that he and she will leave more quickly. Wrong. He was 98% ready to go. I need to be in control of my own destiny next time and make sure the kid is changed back into muddy pants for home. Then she can have mud on her car and she will understand why I changed him in the first place without bothering me after hours with questions with obvious answers.

This time around, it's all about respect and appreciation. If a parent pays me $1000 a week, it isn't worth having to deal with sideways attitudes, entitlement, or may-i-speak-with-your-manager-syndrome. The moment they are disrespectful to me and the excellent care I provide, I will say so cooly, it has been wonderful doing business with you. I wish you the best.

[Alwaysgreener]

"And because I did not get them, I could not tell if they were wet or not."

Lol, I hope she can sleep tonight not knowing if the pants are still wet or not. You should let her know that you will keep them wet, just for her.

I recommend you try a second phone that you can turn off or just a second phone (goggle voice) for your clients. Or even make a policy not to respond. One provider even sends a (fake) automated message after hours saying that she will respond to non emergency messages during business hours.

[GirlMomma]

2022 was the year I stopped returning calls/texts after hours. It is my personal time. In fact, a DCP asked me if I was open during spring break about 5 weeks ago around 7 PM. I still haven’t responded and I won’t. If it was important enough to interrupt my personal time then DCP would’ve remembered the past 5 weeks to ask me during business hours at drop off or pick up. I know it’s petty.

Reading the text you said she sent from a third party view, I don’t see it as her being rude - I see her trying to make conversation/explaining herself. I have the same DCM & “because of COVID” she does drop offs and pick ups outside to eliminate the drama and nonsense and extended conversation.

[Cat Herder]

Give Daily Connect a go ($1.25 per child, per month, worth its weight in gold) and never respond after closing.

[fivestarday]

Alwaysgreener lol I'm so glad you found that funny. I did too. After forgetting to grab his hat at pick-up in cold weather, the same mom the next day at drop-off, "We was wondering where his hat went. Since we didn't have it, we didn't know." LOL I was feeling catty that morning, so I quipped with a slight smile, "It didn't go far!"

I think she might just be kind of...well, dumb. I used to stress my brain over people like her. What did I say wrong? Could I have been more polite? How could I have communicated better? Now, I just shrug. Pretty sure this person has about 2 thoughts occurring for my every 15 thoughts and there is no point even worrying over it.

Next time she messages me after pick-up, I'm not replying. And if she says something about it in person or presses me online, I will say, what are your working hours? (She works in a school.) 7:45-2:30 is the answer. My hours are 7-5, but that does not mean she has access to me til 5. And then I will ask, how much time do you spend after work corresponding with the parents of the twenty children you interact with? She will, I assume, say zero. (She is not a teacher.) And then I will say, "Respect my time with my family. Even your small, little harmless questions interrupt my time with my family." LOL, can you imagine how quickly she will anger and pull her son? Go right ahead.

[Cat Herder]

I'd wonder if she has had a bout with homelessness or been in foster care. The hyper concern over petty possessions is hallmark behavior of that.

[GirlMomma]

The aftermath of illness in the daycare is the worst.

”Can Susie come? She has cough but no fever. I can send her with cough medicine.”

”Can you give Johnny his breathing treatment? His asthma is awful.”

“Do you mind giving her a popsicle? She says her throat hurts.”

My personal favorite: the family that didn’t respond to the check in text (like they have been) and just show up only to go right back home due to the 24 hour fever rule.

🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️

[Sparkles]

I feel kind of dumb complaining about something so minor, but it really irks me!

It's a rule that your child needs to arrive BEFORE snack time in order to eat here. I've had a dcd yesterday and today come in 2 minutes after snack time and say "we're just in time!" when be sees the other kids eating.

NO, you're not. I have everything put away, and the other kids are ready seated and eating. Dcd stands there putting all of dcbs stuff away, so I feel obligated to get him a plate when dcb comes and sits because he's hungry.

It's these little, daily things that make me lose my mind

[Blackcat31]

Next time.... "Sorry DCD. In order to be served A.M. snack/lunch/P.M. snack your child must be here for the count. I need to know how many plates to prepare BEFORE I prepare them. Arriving DURING a snack or meal is late. Please plan your arrival time to meet this requirement. Thank you!

FWIW~ it's not minor. When you juggle multiple kids and multiple activities daily, the minor things ARE major.

[Momboss]

Cat Herder can parents claim multiple daycare EINs on taxes? Like if they had gone to more than 1 daycare that year?

[GirlMomma]

Momboss yes, you can claim multiple EIN’s. When both DD were in daycare, they were in separate ones. If you DIY taxes, it’ll ask you to add in each EIN with the total.

[Blackcat31]

Momboss, if they do and got audited they’d have to show proof they paid you that amount.
If you got audited, it would lead to the IRS going back to them because you have records showing child in care for a short period of time.
This is why record keeping is important. I’m sure families can lie without being caught but IF they are, records tell the truth

[Cat Herder]

Receipts, attendance records, meal counts, and sign-in and sign-out sheets help in case of an audit, too. I just don't have a lot of free time and don't want to spend it being audited. lol!!

[fivestarday]

GirlMomma You're right. "Rude" isn't what's going on. But "drama, nonsense, and extended conversation" is exactly spot on. She always talks so loudly, as if my house is quiet for any reason besides babies sleeping in a nearby room. And she looks up to the ceiling to find the words, with her whole head. She looks up with her whole head. Sometimes I think she may tip over as she says "Weeelllllll..." and takes a deep breath, tipping sideways to look at the ceiling. lol

[GirlMomma]

I am actually LOLing because I swear we have the same DCM 😂😂😂

For what it’s worth, mine is pulling her DCK from my DC at the end of the month. I promised myself that if another woman ever gives me the red flags she did, I wouldn’t enroll them. LOL

[Momboss]

Im having surgery friday. A family with 2 kids shows up with 2 sick kids- runny nose. If i get sick my surgery will be canceled….im freaking out. Not sure if i can exclude for it just because im worried about getting sick. But i find it a lil rude, since they know im having surgery…

[Blackcat31]

I have a runny nose right now but I am not sick. Do the kids have other symptoms or just a runny nose. Contrary to popular belief runny noses aren't always a sign of illness. We are experiencing some different weather patterns right now and just the change in air pressure outside can cause your nose to run (clear) and the dry air inside a person's house depending on the type of heat used can also cause their nose to run.

Maybe just to play it safe, I'd have the kids be extra vigilante in washing their hands and keeping their distance from you. If they are infants or non-walkers, so you have to physically hold or carry them, maybe wear a mask yourself as I have read lately that masking up will protect you from getting germs as much as they help stop you from spreading them. If the kiddos start having any other symptoms, I wouldn't feel bad about sending them home.

[Momboss]

Blackcat31 this family is always sick. They were the ones who brought the stomach bug to my daycare causing all the kids and myself to get sick, because mom was pucking her brains out monday and brought her kids= brought her germs. Every day i was cleaning up vomit.

[Blackcat31]

Ugh! I’d be tempted to send home and not allow their return until after your surgery.

Some families are clueless AND disrespectful at the same time and this one sounds like that description fits them.

Hang in there and stay as FAR away from them as possible.
Ideally in separate houses….

[GirlMomma]

DCM walks in today.

DCM: DCK ate a lot of food last night and then had a bunch of sugar. He got sick a lot last night!

Me: Oh no! So DCK vomited?

DCM: Yes, it was a lot, I couldn’t believe it …….

Me: Okay, I’ll see you guys tomorrow.

DCM: *puzzled* Really? It’s just from all the sugar …?

Me: It could be. But we’re also in the middle of cold and flu season with a virus that causes vomiting. I also exclude for symptoms, not causes.


I am not having a great morning. I couldn’t sleep last night because of the PT issue I’m having with another DCK. In addition to that, my sinuses are messed up and I have gone back and forth between a runny nose and a stuffy nose. 🙄

[Momboss]

In my experience, i have found that children dont always know the difference between hunger stomach pain vs sick pain, so they eat a lot.

[GirlMomma]

Momboss yep! I permitted it one time and the child went home anyways because his stomach hurt. This time, I enforced the “exclude for symptoms policy” lol

[Blackcat31]

DCF brings an insulated cooler type lunch bag containing smaller bags of fresh breast milk daily. They usually pack about 4-5 bags of milk. This morning I put the cooler bag in the fridge. Hubby bought a watermelon yesterday so the fridge was full. I placed the bag on the top shelf. Opened the fridge to get regular milk for kiddos for snack time and found the insulated cooler bag was wet at the bottom. Upon further investigation it appears that not one but all the bags of breastmilk leaked and were mostly empty. All the milk ran down onto every other shelf and both veggie drawers below. EVERYTHING was covered in breastmilk. Normally, I can manage breast milk just fine and it's no biggie but for some reason this just grosses me out. The worst part is I keep a big filtered water system in my fridge (city water is yucky) and the milk leaked into this container and of course into the water filter. The filters are almost $40 each and last up to 3 months. I just changed the filter yesterday.

[Cat Herder]

Would it be rude to post yard signs that say "Please leave me alone when I am working in the yard."

I understand the neighbors have been shut in for a while, but gardening and landscaping is my quiet time. I enjoy it. I don't want visitors interrupting me asking me what I am planting. I have heard "Better you than me" or "Wish my wife would..." at least a thousand times since I moved here. It isn't funny or cute anymore. Please, please, please just let me work without interruption. Pretty Please......

Honk, wave, smile, thumbs up, 'sup nod...all still welcome and southern. Escaped lambs, ducks, chickens, piglets, horses and calves always welcome. The llama freaks me out though.

[Blackcat31]

Maybe a giant set of ear phones? Even if you aren't listening to anything you could pretend to not hear them, lol!

[Cat Herder]

You know how those work with soppy wet pony tails. lol!! It is hot here, already. I am having to change clothing after coming in from the playground with the kids. We usually have a few more weeks before that starts. Ugh.

[Rockgirl]

This is one of those times an invisibility cloak would come in handy.

[Springvalley]

We hired two new employees one is younger (like late teens-20's) and the other is about 50 or so. The younger person does great in all the classrooms & the other one does ok in some of the rooms but we've had a few incidences with her & noticed a few particular things. We constantly have to repeat things over & over again such as what to do not to do, different teachers routines etc. She's great as far as not being late etc but it seems like she doesn't comprehend things very well. What would you do in this situation?

[CeriBear]

What things have you noticed? Is it something major involving the safety of the children or something minor. Maybe she needs further training. I’d probably see what room she seems to feel most comfortable in and observe the areas where she is best. Maybe she’s good at reading to the children. Singing with them. Doing art with them. I’d also let her know the rules which must be followed at all times. I’ve had a situation like this with a teenage summer assistant and I had to sit down and explain my expectations of her as well as asking her what she liked to do best. It turns out she liked to sit and color with the kids helping them learn shapes and recognizing letters. Hope this helps.

[Springvalley]

What things have you noticed? Is it something major involving the safety of the children or something minor. Maybe she needs further training. I’d probably see what room she seems to feel most comfortable in and observe the areas where she is best. Maybe she’s good at reading to the children. Singing with them. Doing art with them. I’d also let her know the rules which must be followed at all times. I’ve had a situation like this with a teenage summer assistant and I had to sit down and explain my expectations of her as well as asking her what she liked to do best. It turns out she liked to sit and color with the kids helping them learn shapes and recognizing letters. Hope this helps.

Here's what we've noticed:
1)Takes kids to the bathroom but forgets their are in there
2)When we tell her something she doesn't seem like she comprehends what we're saying
3)She almost let a school ager watch the infants one day by herself in the fenced in playground
4)Never interacts with the parents/guardians
5)She consistently brings her belongings outside after we've continually told her she has to leave her belongings locked away because of minimum standards

[CeriBear]

Here's what we've noticed:
1)Takes kids to the bathroom but forgets their are in there
2)When we tell her something she doesn't seem like she comprehends what we're saying
3)She almost let a school ager watch the infants one day by herself in the fenced in playground
4)Never interacts with the parents/guardians
5)She consistently brings her belongings outside after we've continually told her she has to leave her belongings locked away because of minimum standards

These are dangerous behaviors and need to be addressed ASAP. Leaving children in the bathroom? Allowing another child to watch infants? At my center these behaviors would be grounds for immediate termination or at the very least a written reprimand. You say she acts like she doesn’t understand. Do you think she might be in the early stages of dementia. I think it’s time for the administration and the lead teacher to get together with this woman and let her know that to work in childcare you have to follow standards due to safety concerns for the children. If she isn’t capable or willing to follow instructions then this job isn’t a good fit for her.

[Springvalley]

These are dangerous behaviors and need to be addressed ASAP. Leaving children in the bathroom? Allowing another child to watch infants? At my center these behaviors would be grounds for immediate termination or at the very least a written reprimand. You say she acts like she doesn’t understand. Do you think she might be in the early stages of dementia. I think it’s time for the administration and the lead teacher to get together with this woman and let her know that to work in childcare you have to follow standards due to safety concerns for the children. If she isn’t capable or willing to follow instructions then this job isn’t a good fit for her.

We've all said that, however i think they're going to try next week and put her in one classroom only and make sure she's trained really well before they terminate her. We all think it was our lack of training that was the root of all of this.

[GirlMomma]

Some days, I don’t know how I can continue to do this. Today was rough.

DCM text me earlier in the day to tell me DCK would arrive after my cut off time tomorrow for an appointment. I told her she’d need to make other arrangements because I don’t accept kids after my cut off. Period. Well, by 5 DCD said DCK would be here tomorrow because they couldn’t make other child care arrangements. I was annoyed, but whatever.

Then, at 5:30, another DCM pulls into my driveway. SHE’S LATE. I go to get DCK’s coat on only to discover she had an accident, despite the 4:30 potty break. DCM is sighing the entire time she’s changing her. DCM leaves finally at 5:37 and I’m left to clean the carpets and disinfect the entry way. Not sure if I should charge a late fee or not. Who’s at fault?

I finally get to the bank to make the deposits at 6… only to discover that I left my wallet at home.

DH is cooking dinner. That’s the positive for today.

[GirlMomma]

Blackcat31 yep. We had a successful week in underwear last week but we’re back to square one. I am going to have a chat with this parent. When she interviewed, I was told she wouldn’t be here past 5. The kid is always here until 5:30. She’s been late herself a couple of times before, I charged the second time. But this is the second time that she’s picked up “right on time” at 5:30 and I’ve had to deal with the accident. I stress in my new letters what the closing time means (OFF THE PREMISES AT 5:30) and she still isn’t getting it.

[Blackcat31]

GirlMomma Maybe you could curb the lateness by doubling your late fee. I know it's not always about the money and is more about respecting your time as valuable but Dr Phil is correct when he says "people don't change their behavior until it becomes an issue for them" so give the issue to her and double her late fee every time she's late.
Id still talk to her about her supposed pick up time but I would make sure to let her know that her late fill will increase every time she's late, I wouldn't hesitate to get nit picky either and charge her for a minute if she's still on your property at 5:31. Either you'll make a nice bonus off her or she'll get her poop in a group.

[GirlMomma]

Blackcat31 I am putting that in my newsletter with several other policy updates/changes. I think a lot of my problem is feeling like I don’t have control of my business 90% of the time. I see a lot of providers on here that have way more control than I do because of the policies they have in place. I didn’t have many policies in place when I opened 2 years ago because I truly didn’t know I’d need them. I thought parents knew how to be a parent, respected people’s time and wanted to be with their kids.

Over the last 2 years, I’ve had to add and change some. However, I feel like if I change too many all the time, my DCF will think I’m just making it up as I go or doing it out of spite… KWIM? Which I sort of am making it up as I go when yet another stupid issue comes up - but then I feel like they respect me less. I’m getting better about enforcing what I have now and standing up for my business, but I feel like that’s not enough.