Do You Give Second Chances?

[BaileeB]

Do you give second chances to parents? So I did not technically term this family (although I probably should have). But now I am wondering if it was my own fault for letting them act this way and if I should give them another chance.
So when I first opened I had a DCG2.5 who was a very well behaved child for me. She never gave me any issues and the only issues I ever had were her fighting with another DCG2 but the other girl always initiated it.
Long story short I was tired of DCP acting like I was a babysitter instead of a daycare provider. DCD would come in and sit down on my couch when he came to pick up. I had just opened so I had no backbone and didn't know how to tell him NOT to make himself at home and to just get his kid and get out.
One day DCD (who almost always got DCG at 4:45) didn't show up to my house until 5:55 (my closing time was 6) and I mentioned something about how I was just about to text him because I was worried. Well FFW a couple weeks and he was here when another DCM was picking up and she mentioned she would be picking up a little later than normal (but still within her agreed time frame) and he made a comment "Just don't try to pick up too close to closing or she will start blowing up your phone asking where you are and giving you attitude at pick up". I was in shock. He said it right in front of me. I don't know if he was trying to be funny but I was so mad. I didn't even text him because he had originally said sometimes he gets held up at work.
Well I ended up closing for about 3 months while we converted my garage into a playroom/daycare area so that parents do not come into my house. I told all of the DCP that I was closing and I didn't know when I would reopen and then I only allowed one of my previous DC families to come back when I did reopen. I intentionally did not invite them back. I never had any problems with DCM, just DCD and DCG was really sweet and I enjoyed having her in our group. She is 3 now and I would love to have her back and think she would do well with the group I have but I don't know if I should give DCD another chance.
I have basically made contracted hours now so if he pulls the same stunt he will owe me A LOT in extra fees, there is no where for DCD to sit down and make himself at home now in my newly set up area.
The only reason I'm asking this is because DCD sent me a message on FB after I posted a picture of DS and he did not directly ask me if I am open but he asked how we have been and made a comment about DS getting big. I haven't responded because I know as soon as I do he will probably ask me about DC and I do not know how to respond.
I know that if I did agree to an interview I would have to make every effort to make it VERY clear to DCD that I am not their friend and I am not entirely sure how that would go
I did not have my policy handbook when they attended and MOST of my policies that I have now are due to them! I HOPE they realize that and feel called out if I do allow them to come back to interview LOL
I should also mention that even though DCG was very well behaved for me, she was complete chaos as soon as her parents were around. So if she acts that way during the interview I will be 100% comfortable telling them no.
I just don't know if it is worth giving them another chance?

[Alwaysgreener]

I brought someone back, it didn't end well. They were the best family before but not so much after.

But as a business I would respond politely and answer honestly and only answer and not ask.

"yes I reopened a month ago",
"oh I had no idea that you were interested in returning or needed care,"
"yes I do have an opening, I decided to take my time to fill them up"
"oh you would like to come tour, I am sure that can be arranged, here my new enrollment policy (review policy book, virtual tour, then you choose the family to meet in person), Would you like me to send you my new policy book for both of you to read?"
(Feel free to customize the policy book before sending)

If the book doesn't discourage them, and you do a virtual meeting, Ask them questions about your policy to see if they read it.

[Annalee]

Same, I brought a family back ONCE and only ONCE....didn't work out!

[SandBox]

I have only had one DCD that was a bit of an issue too. Very talkative. Loved hearing himself talk actually. Would walk right into my home even if no one greeted him. He was entirely harmless, but my husband couldn’t stand him. Lol. But my point is, firm boundaries did help and alleviate the problem. And I made pick ups very quick by taking control and being short and sweet. My body language and everything let him know that this isn’t time for a small chit chat session. “Hello!!! They did great today!! Bye so and so!! I’ll see y’all tomorrow!!!” I communicated with mom and use an app so pick ups don’t really need to be long anyway. I also always get kids riled up for their parents. So that when their parents come they are busting out the door to see them and go home. 🤣 It works very well.

sorry hit send too soon.

I don’t care for second chances anymore though because I feel like I regret it. If you have to haul over this so much then it’s probably just best to not respond and even open that door.

[BaileeB]

My DH can’t stand this DCD either 😂 honestly I wish I would have removed them off of Facebook so they never would have even messaged but I forgot to after I closed and I regret it. I get the kids all excited before pick up too. And I use an app now so it eliminates the pick up conversation. My problem was that I never knew when DCP were coming to pick up so I was always trying to make the DCK clean up before leaving. I’ve changed the schedule around now and we do story and songs and circle time after naps so that everything is picked up and I can have shoes on the kids so everyone is ready whenever DCP show up.

[SandBox]

BaileeB

Oh yea not knowing when they are coming is a huge problem. I hate that. I ask them to send me a text “otw” and it’s on my policies. But yea, doesn’t mean they always listen. It is really annoying. This dad did the same thing.
That’s a good routine change! I’ve never thought about doing it at the end of the day and the benefits to that.

[BaileeB]

MissCait Yeah I ask for a text as well. It’s in my policies. I have two DCMs that always let me know for drop off, one DCM and one DCD who text about pick up but everyone else “always forgets” 😑 or there are a lot of grandparent pick ups so it’s just easier to have everyone ready to go. I usually do a lot of outdoor time in the morning and then most kids leave shortly after nap so it’s only about an hour in the afternoons after snack time.

[Blackcat31]

I have this blurb in the front of my handbook.

"Because your child's welfare is so important, my closeness and nurturing of them can create a sense of intimacy between us that makes our relationship feel more like a friendship rather than that of business partners.

While this is ideal, well-defined boundaries are necessary and outlined within this handbook. It is vital parents understand my policies and follow them so that our business relationship can remain supportive and mutually geared towards the best interest of your child."


I also state:

"I understand wanting to chat at pick up but like any other working adult, I am awaiting the end of my workday so that I can spend time with my family. Please be respectful of this and make pick ups as quick as possible. If there is something you need to discuss with me, please text or email or set up a time we can talk uninterrupted and without little ears present. "

[Annalee]

BAM....stealing this but I may put it in FLASHING LIGHTS! LOL

[BaileeB]

Okay I love this. I am stealing this as well!!!

[Blackcat31]

Happy to help, use it word for word or altered in any way you'd like!
Annalee, I love the flashing light idea!

[Decadense]

I have this blurb in the front of my handbook.

"Because your child's welfare is so important, my closeness and nurturing of them can create a sense of intimacy between us that makes our relationship feel more like a friendship rather than that of business partners.

While this is ideal, well-defined boundaries are necessary and outlined within this handbook. It is vital parents understand my policies and follow them so that our business relationship can remain supportive and mutually geared towards the best interest of your child."


I also state:

"I understand wanting to chat at pick up but like any other working adult, I am awaiting the end of my workday so that I can spend time with my family. Please be respectful of this and make pick ups as quick as possible. If there is something you need to discuss with me, please text or email or set up a time we can talk uninterrupted and without little ears present. "

May I use this too?

[Blackcat31]

Absolutely!!! Feel free!

[Decadense]

Thank you Blackcat31

[GirlMomma]

I’m bringing a family back the first of the month and now I hope I don’t regret it 😅

I had this issue with a DCM, she was one of my first clients and she’s still with me today. In the beginning, I didn’t have a backbone. That first year, she had given me gifts on my birthday and at Christmas and she friended me on social media and would gush over anything I posted 🙄

After being open a few months, I redid my contracts and I cut my hours back from 6 to 5:30. I made the mistake of telling her anytime she needed a 6 PM pick up, I’d help her out. Guess what, she took advantage of it quite a bit. DH would see her shopping when she “had to work late” and I even witnessed her sit down the street one evening until 5:30 because she was “on a work call.” It pissed me off and I finally told her I was going to start charging her by the minute if she wasn’t off my property at 5:30. She hasn’t been late or “right on time” since. Three months later, she was late submitting vacation time. She tried to negotiate with me and not pay for the week the kid wouldn’t be here. I wouldn’t negotiate and I made her pay for the week and had every intention of turning her away at the door if she tried to come that week. She was really upset about that one and hardly spoke to me for months. Now I get her vacation notice six weeks in advance.

I don’t get the gifts anymore or the social media likes/comments, but I get the respect. 🥰

I also don’t accept requests from parents. It muddies the business relationship.

[BaileeB]

I just had a new DCM friend me on FB and I have been hesitant to accept it. Now I am thinking I should decline the request. LOL I was already friends on FB with my first couple of DC families and I don't want to unfriend them and seem rude but I definitely won't be accepting any others

[GirlMomma]

BaileeB I don’t want to unfriend the DCM either since I already accepted her, I think it’d be rude too. But moving forward - I won’t do that again.

In social media world, accepting people on your personal page is inviting them into your personal life. So they think they know you on a more personal level because you’re “friends.” I have a separate social media page for the daycare that I will friend them on now to make sure we don’t mix business and personal.

[e.j.]

I've taken 2 families back. One worked out great and the other worked out "okay". The one that worked out great left because I had concerns about her child and suggested she speak with her pediatrician about having him evaluated. Unfortunately, she didn't take it well and gave notice shortly after. After her second child was born, she called me to ask if I had openings. I did but I told her I didn't. I didn't hear from her again until about a year later. She wasn't happy with the provider she had for him and had heard I had an opening. She worked at the same company my husband worked for, so I felt stuck. It actually worked out great. I adored her second child as much as I had the first and by then, her older child had been formally diagnosed with ADHD and Dyslexia so I think there was some level of respect gained that hadn't been there before.

The second family worked out okay but dcm was a major control freak. The first time around, dcm left without notice. There were a couple of incidents that led up to it, so it didn't surprise me when she left. I was happy to see her go, to be honest. Long story short, dcm lived in fear that her baby would grow up to have a weight problem. I didn't know any of the background info about this issue until after the family left. The baby was miserable - cried all day, every day. Nothing I did for her seemed to help. One day, it dawned on me that she became especially upset anytime I stopped feeding her. Dcm had given me feeding instructions - which I understood to be guidelines - but I took a chance and gave the baby a little extra cereal one day. She became an entirely different baby that day! It was obvious she was so miserable because she was hungry. I explained what I had done and asked if it would be ok to increase the amount of cereal I was feeding the baby. Dcm became irate. That incident blew over but shortly after that, the baby was diagnosed with Strep. One of the other dc kids brought it into the daycare. The baby got it. I won't go into details but dcm kept her home for what I thought would be a couple of days but then never returned. A couple of years went by. I enrolled a new family who was working out well. After a month or two, that dcm asked if I had an opening for her best friend who was looking for dc for her dd. Turned out, it was the control freak dcm. She apologized for past behavior and I took her back. It worked out "okay". Her dd was a sweetheart. Dcm was still controlling but tried to rein it in the second time around. I didn't miss dcm once she left for good, though. lol

I think the decision to take a family back or not has to be made on an individual basis, really. Hopefully your dcd is just innocently commenting on your ds's picture and has no intention of asking about daycare. It sounds as though you've put a lot of policies in place to prevent the same problems from happing again so if he does ask and you do need to fill openings, it may be worth trying it again if you feel like it. At least you can maybe anticipate some problems and head them off before they happen by addressing them in an interview.

[Valerie928]

I have this blurb in the front of my handbook.

"Because your child's welfare is so important, my closeness and nurturing of them can create a sense of intimacy between us that makes our relationship feel more like a friendship rather than that of business partners.

While this is ideal, well-defined boundaries are necessary and outlined within this handbook. It is vital parents understand my policies and follow them so that our business relationship can remain supportive and mutually geared towards the best interest of your child."


I also state:

"I understand wanting to chat at pick up but like any other working adult, I am awaiting the end of my workday so that I can spend time with my family. Please be respectful of this and make pick ups as quick as possible. If there is something you need to discuss with me, please text or email or set up a time we can talk uninterrupted and without little ears present. "

Holy shit! Where has this been all my life?
May I use this?

[Blackcat31]

Absolutely!