Late Dad

[Decadense]

I do not know what to do. I have children of divorced parents. The dad only picks up once in a great while otherwise the mom does everything, pick up, drop off, makes payment. Both parents signed contract and dad is on as emergency pick up. My problem is, a couple times I had to close early and sent notices to everyone about the early closing time and both times he came late. I have an early closing coming up again soon and I just have a feeling he will be late. I don't think a late fee will discourage him from coming late because the mother pays. What can I do to encourage him not to be late. TIA for all your help and suggestions

[GirlMomma]

I’d call him out for his behavior.

Suggestion Number 1: “Hey DCD, I want to remind you I am closing early on xx. The last couple of times I closed early, you were late picking up DCK. If you are late again anytime in the future, I will have to terminate care.”

Have you brought this to DCM’s attention since she’s the one you do business with the most? If DCD doesn’t care because DCM handles daycare business more often, I would let DCM know that she needs to make other arrangements when you close early.

Suggestion Number 2: “Hey DCM, DCD has been late the last couple of times I’ve closed early. I can no longer accept late pick-ups. If DCD is unreliable, you will need to make other arrangements. I will have to terminate care if DCK is picked up late again anytime in the future.”

I charge late fees by the minute. My contract states that if the client is late for pick-up consistently, I term. I have two families on their last warning and I made sure their last warning was clearly written out for them.

[Decadense]

Suggestion Number 1: “Hey DCD, I want to remind you I am closing early on xx. The last couple of times I closed early, you were late picking up DCK. If you are late again anytime in the future, I will have to terminate care.”

Maybe send it as an email/text with both parents. If DCD doesn’t care because DCM handles daycare more, I would let DCM know that she needs to make other arrangements.

Suggestion Number 2: “Hey DCM, DCD has been late the last couple of times I’ve closed early. I can no longer accept late pick-ups. If DCD is unreliable, you will need to make other arrangements. I will have to terminate care if DCK is picked up late again anytime in the future.”

I charge late fees by the minute. My contract states that if the client is late for pick-up consistently, I term. I have two families on their last warning and I made sure their last warning was clearly written out for them.

Their children will be aging out of my care once school starts, do you think I should still terminate even though they will be leaving soon. That is if he does come late that is. I hate when stuff like this happens.

[GirlMomma]

Yes, I would!

[Decadense]

Thank you both so much. I know you both are right and I am just going to have to bite the bullet and follow your advice if he is late again this time. Again, thank you

[Blackcat31]

Since mom does 99% of all drop offs and pick ups, I'd leave it up to her to find a pick up person on days you close early. If that person (REGARDLESS of who it is) picks up late, tell mom she will be charged the late fee. DO not provide services again until late fee is paid in full.

If a late pick up isn't something you want to deal with, require DCM to pick up that day herself or exclude her child(ren) from care the day you close early.

Divorced parents can be tough to deal with.

[Momboss]

You say dad only picks up once in a great while but is always the one to pick up on your early closings? Id be wondering if mom was doing it on purpose, like cant make the arrangements so sends dad to pick up so hes the one that looks bad? Idk lol

[Decadense]

You say dad only picks up once in a great while but is always the one to pick up on your early closings? Id be wondering if mom was doing it on purpose, like cant make the arrangements so sends dad to pick up so hes the one that looks bad? Idk lol

Yeah...I never even noticed that..smh

[Decadense]

Since mom does 99% of all drop offs and pick ups, I'd leave it up to her to find a pick up person on days you close early. If that person (REGARDLESS of who it is) picks up late, tell mom she will be charged the late fee. DO not provide services again until late fee is paid in full.

If a late pick up isn't something you want to deal with, require DCM to pick up that day herself or exclude her child(ren) from care the day you close early.

Divorced parents can be tough to deal with.

Blackcat31 I was thinking of charging mom the late fee but than I was not sure if that would be fair since he would be the one picking up, I think he comes late because he knows she pays and knows he won't have any consequences for being late. Divorced parents are tough that is very true..lol

[Blackcat31]

He may very well be playing difficult as a way to stick it to mom but no matter the situation or their current level of getting along NONE of it is your issue to deal with and IF DCD is being late because he knows DCM has to pay, it's awfully immature and disrespectful of him to drag you into their situation. I would remove myself completely and deal with the parent that you have the relationship with and the one that manages the child's daycare needs.... which is mom . It's not you sticking on her because it has nothing to do with you and everything to do with DCM and DCD co-parenting.

[Decadense]

Thank you Blackcat31

[Decadense]

Thank you everyone for the great advice, I truly appreciate it

[Blackcat31]

Here is a useful bit of info that you are welcome to use for any current or future divorced family situations you may have. I try to provide it to all divorced, separated and/or divided families. It's been a good way to help them understand my role as their child's provider and my expectations of them.


Feel free to copy, print and/or edit the letter as needed. Hope it's helpful

Dear Families,

Over the years I have noticed my role as child care provider can often create the impression that we are extended family. Because your child's welfare is so important, this care and nurturing can create an intimacy between us that makes us feel more like family than business partners. As a home daycare provider, I strive to foster this sense of community, and to provide the closeness you will not find in a child care center.

However, there does need to be well defined boundaries in certain areas. Some of you are currently in the process of redefining your families, and are struggling with court orders, custody issues, and feelings of estrangement. It is imperative I remind all of you that I must remain a neutral third party.

As your child's advocate, their needs are my sole priority. Please keep in mind, this doesn't mean that I am unaware or unaffected by the turmoil you face; I am sorry for your pain and I do mourn the loss of your child's family as they have known it. Still, I can't let any feelings I have for you interfere with my role in providing your child a safe, neutral environment where they can express their own feelings of sadness or fear. In consideration of this, here is a list of some of the things you need to remember should you wish to keep you child enrolled at (name of child care facility):

1. My home is a safe haven for them; please refrain from expressing your sadness or frustration about your child's other parent (and perhaps their new significant other) within their presence. Your child is extremely perceptive and already knows how you feel; my home is one place they should be able to escape this tension.

2. Please provide me with any copies of legal documents I need regarding the custody or care arrangements for your child. Keep in mind that in the absence of any court documents, I cannot legally keep a child from his or her parent, and will not agree to any such arrangement.

3. Develop a well thought out plan for pick-up and drop-off. Do NOT make my driveway a place of confrontation. If you need to do a "switch" where the child moves from one parent's care to another during the course of the week, choose someplace else to do so.

4. Do NOT put me in the middle of any issues you have regarding child support payment or the payment for my services. Work out a plan for who is responsible to pay for your child's care and do so promptly and courteously. I know money is a primary point of contention in many separations -- do NOT make me ask for payment for my services or you will find yourself looking for a new child care provider.

5. Do not request that I do anything for you other than the normal array of service you have received in the past. I will NOT document anything other than legitimately suspected mistreatment, so don't ask me to spend time evaluating your ex-spouse's parenting skills or capability as a parent. If the court feels they need my opinion, they will provide me with a list of written questions I will answer to the best of my ability. I operate an honest business and consider my integrity and trust two hallmarks of my home.

6. I do not participate in supervised visitation. My home is a "Home away from home" for many children and I need to consider the welfare of ALL my families when making decisions. I am a child care provider -- not a mediator or evaluator.

In summary, please minimize to the greatest degree possible, any disruption to your child's regular day at my home. Separation of a family is a big issue to young children, and my home may be the place of stability where they can work through their emotions and confusion.

If you have questions, please call me at 555-555-5555

[Decadense]

Here is a useful bit of info that you are welcome to use for any current or future divorced family situations you may have. I try to provide it to all divorced, separated and/or divided families. It's been a good way to help them understand my role as their child's provider and my expectations of them.


Feel free to copy, print and/or edit the letter as needed. Hope it's helpful

Dear Families,

Over the years I have noticed my role as child care provider can often create the impression that we are extended family. Because your child's welfare is so important, this care and nurturing can create an intimacy between us that makes us feel more like family than business partners. As a home daycare provider, I strive to foster this sense of community, and to provide the closeness you will not find in a child care center.

However, there does need to be well defined boundaries in certain areas. Some of you are currently in the process of redefining your families, and are struggling with court orders, custody issues, and feelings of estrangement. It is imperative I remind all of you that I must remain a neutral third party.

As your child's advocate, their needs are my sole priority. Please keep in mind, this doesn't mean that I am unaware or unaffected by the turmoil you face; I am sorry for your pain and I do mourn the loss of your child's family as they have known it. Still, I can't let any feelings I have for you interfere with my role in providing your child a safe, neutral environment where they can express their own feelings of sadness or fear. In consideration of this, here is a list of some of the things you need to remember should you wish to keep you child enrolled at (name of child care facility):

1. My home is a safe haven for them; please refrain from expressing your sadness or frustration about your child's other parent (and perhaps their new significant other) within their presence. Your child is extremely perceptive and already knows how you feel; my home is one place they should be able to escape this tension.

2. Please provide me with any copies of legal documents I need regarding the custody or care arrangements for your child. Keep in mind that in the absence of any court documents, I cannot legally keep a child from his or her parent, and will not agree to any such arrangement.

3. Develop a well thought out plan for pick-up and drop-off. Do NOT make my driveway a place of confrontation. If you need to do a "switch" where the child moves from one parent's care to another during the course of the week, choose someplace else to do so.

4. Do NOT put me in the middle of any issues you have regarding child support payment or the payment for my services. Work out a plan for who is responsible to pay for your child's care and do so promptly and courteously. I know money is a primary point of contention in many separations -- do NOT make me ask for payment for my services or you will find yourself looking for a new child care provider.

5. Do not request that I do anything for you other than the normal array of service you have received in the past. I will NOT document anything other than legitimately suspected mistreatment, so don't ask me to spend time evaluating your ex-spouse's parenting skills or capability as a parent. If the court feels they need my opinion, they will provide me with a list of written questions I will answer to the best of my ability. I operate an honest business and consider my integrity and trust two hallmarks of my home.

6. I do not participate in supervised visitation. My home is a "Home away from home" for many children and I need to consider the welfare of ALL my families when making decisions. I am a child care provider -- not a mediator or evaluator.

In summary, please minimize to the greatest degree possible, any disruption to your child's regular day at my home. Separation of a family is a big issue to young children, and my home may be the place of stability where they can work through their emotions and confusion.

If you have questions, please call me at 555-555-5555

Thank you for this... I wish I would have had this letter when they first divorced. I will definitely put this to good use. Thanks so much . It is greatly appreciated😊