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  • I'm Tired. Anyone Else Tired?

    I'm going on 8 years doing this now which isn't long, but...I'm tired. This is the most emotionally draining, rewarding, frustrating, thankless job.

    Why do parents want us to be the parent?

    I'm taking a few days off and 3 of my families are frazzled because they actually have to spend time with their children.

    I asked DH if this is a losing battle. I'm making memories for the kids that they wouldn't have otherwise, but.....it's getting worse. Parents are getting worse. I have 2 new families starting and they're literally setting their snowflakes up for failure.

    I have one that thinks that they're princess is very advanced. I don't want to burst their bubble, but she's not going to be able to handle starting PreK.

    I know I still have steam left in me, but.....

    Anyone else feel this way?

  • #2
    Originally posted by TwinMama View Post
    I'm going on 8 years doing this now which isn't long, but...I'm tired. This is the most emotionally draining, rewarding, frustrating, thankless job.

    Why do parents want us to be the parent?

    I'm taking a few days off and 3 of my families are frazzled because they actually have to spend time with their children.

    I asked DH if this is a losing battle. I'm making memories for the kids that they wouldn't have otherwise, but.....it's getting worse. Parents are getting worse. I have 2 new families starting and they're literally setting their snowflakes up for failure.

    I have one that thinks that they're princess is very advanced. I don't want to burst their bubble, but she's not going to be able to handle starting PreK.

    I know I still have steam left in me, but.....

    Anyone else feel this way?
    Hang In There! I dare say everyone on this board have feelings like this at times, many times actually! Add some extra days off, or one day....feel like you are growing in your own business....I tell myself "I've been open 30 years so I get the benefits". You been there 8 years so you get the benefits.....make sure you are paid for your benefits! My mentor said you have to give yourself something EVERY YEAR..... Go somewhere! Do something you've never done! I got a pedicure this past weekend for the FIRST TIME. Can't believe I just typed that again. Most family child care providers are givers and servers but sometimes we are give out. TAKE CARE OF YOU!

    Comment


    • #3
      I had to lower my expectations by a lot. That probably helped me the most.

      Comment


      • MissCait
        MissCait commented
        Editing a comment
        TwinMama

        I guess I detach myself for one. How they parent, what they feel and think, has nothing to really do with me. As long as no abuse to their children. So then I have to ask myself what’s really impacting my life? Is what they are doing really changing me and my relationships with those most important to me? Is there any risk to me about what they are doing? If I answer yes to any of those, I don’t want the family. And I have termed for this. Their behavior made me feel uncomfortable and I couldn’t change them, wasn’t going to try, but they had to go. If I can detach myself though and really just let it all go in ear and out the other, I just do that.

        And I changed up in my mind why I do this. I don’t do this for them. So why am I expecting them to thank me and treat me with respect when they don’t get their way? Some do. Some don’t. Take in your heart the ones that do. Throw out the trash.

        For you, maybe try and figure out what it is exactly that bothers you so much that they don’t want to parent? Why do you take that burden on? They may be crossing a boundary with you that you don’t realize. And it can be as simple as a mind set change, policy change, or completely term the family.

        It can get deep. When you start digging and asking yourself why certain things bother you. Own it, take accountability, and see what you can change about it.

        But this isn’t me dismissing your feelings. I’ve wanted to quit plenty of times. I get fearful of this job. I do find it to make me too vulnerable. I don’t trust well either. So. It’s probably not something I’ll do long term. I don’t know yet. I go back and forth. But what I mentioned above is what I do to help me keep my peace. Some stuff should not have happened and it was because of the way I was doing things. I took ownership and fixed it. Other stuff is out of my control, but if I don’t like you, I don’t have to keep you.

      • TwinMama
        TwinMama commented
        Editing a comment
        I actually don't fully agree.

        This is a business, but it's also an emotional job.

        If a parent gives their child Tylenol and brings them to my house and I have to call them because it wore off and they brought a sick kid here that's disrespectful. They don't have to be parent of the year, but they do have to respect me. Lowering my expectations also changes my values.

        However, if they're telling me they fed their kid fruit snacks for breakfast I can just roll my eyes and disregard that and go about my day.

      • MissCait
        MissCait commented
        Editing a comment
        TwinMama

        If a parent dosed and dropped off, thats breaking one of my policies. That isn't an emotiomal issue to me. They can be termimated for that.

        Of course it is emotional at times, but your policies and power to terminate can help protect you from being ran into the ground.

    • #4
      Yep… all of this. My youngest DD goes to school in two years. If I don’t have my DC out of my home, I’ll likely close it up and work for the school system so I still have the same days off with my girls.

      Comment


      • #5
        The paradox.

        "My little snookum's is the sweetest, smartest and funniest little darling in the whole, wide world." = Release the kraken!!! Violet Beauregard has nothing on this kid.

        "My nugget is a handful. I'm just going to warn you. He won't let me put on his shoes. He's a picky eater." = Home base!! This kid runs to the door at drop-off and slams it before DCM can get to the porch to sign in. Bye. Just bye, mom. This kid needs a break and his own space, stat!!

        It never gets old, that's for sure.

        Comment


        • #6
          I was on vacation last week and when my dck 's came back this week the parents acted like they'd performed some kinda grand miracle by having to be with their kids while I was gone. Ridiculous.
          I have an over 3 year old dcg that still has a pacifier at home, still poops her pull up daily and sleeps in a crib... I want to bitch slap her parents. They treat her like an infant.
          I could go on.....and on..

          I am tired but more physically tired because I foster orphaned neonatal kittens and just got a litter of 6 that require round the clock care. I would do this for a living if I could tho and quit daycare forever.

          Comment


          • GirlMomma
            GirlMomma commented
            Editing a comment
            Amen, sister!

        • #7
          I actually don't fully agree.

          This is a business, but it's also an emotional job.

          If a parent gives their child Tylenol and brings them to my house and I have to call them because it wore off and they brought a sick kid here that's disrespectful. They don't have to be parent of the year, but they do have to respect me. Lowering my expectations also changes my values.

          However, if they're telling me they fed their kid fruit snacks for breakfast I can just roll my eyes and disregard that and go about my day.

          Comment


          • #8
            My response is how I have learned to cope with something I have to do. I don't want to spend my days in their drama. Letting their toxic parenting effect me. If I can't keep a solid wall up and it be peaceful mostly, then they aren't for me and I am not for them. Just my thought process. I definitely get along so much better with families that parent more like me and want to be with their children. I know the families that aren't like that are really annoying. If I cant change it, i just push through it and complain to those closest to me. But not for too long. The complaining gets tiring too.

            It is a tough job. Everyone will answer this differently. I honestly would never tell anyone to do this job. Haha.
            Last edited by MissCait; 08-11-2022, 03:16 PM.

            Comment


            • #9
              Originally posted by TwinMama View Post
              I actually don't fully agree.

              This is a business, but it's also an emotional job.

              If a parent gives their child Tylenol and brings them to my house and I have to call them because it wore off and they brought a sick kid here that's disrespectful. They don't have to be parent of the year, but they do have to respect me. Lowering my expectations also changes my values.

              However, if they're telling me they fed their kid fruit snacks for breakfast I can just roll my eyes and disregard that and go about my day.
              I’ve struggled a lot since covid started and I’ve come to the realization that although this is a very emotional career, parents will ALWAYS do what’s best for them, so I am starting to do the same.

              One example is I had a Dcf on their 2nd week when we had to shut down for covid and I still charged them like my policy said even though part of me thought that I should cut them
              a break. Then I am closing next Friday (unpaid) and when families complain I just smile and say I need the time off to do training (jokes on them. Next year it’ll be paid days).

              when covid started a Dcf gave us all covid. I had to close for 3 weeks. My DH was hospitalized and we didn’t know if he’d make it and I was in really bad shape (covid long hauler). The family that gave us covid texted me that they needed to on know when I’d reopen or they’d be forced to go to a new daycare. That text hit me so hard. It was the middle of a snow storm and I grabbed my jacket and went outside, unable to breathe (covid kills your lungs) and just collapsed in my backyard in full hysterics: I didn’t have the energy to get to the garage (we had over a foot and a half of snow) but I didn’t want my kids to see me. The hospital had called that day to prepare me that IF my husband came home, he’d come home with oxygen but to line up support because they didn’t know what was going to happen. I had an app that I posted and updated the parents every few days. Due to guidelines I had to be closed (this was pre vaccines), plus I felt like I was dying… they KNEW my DH was really Ill. They KNEW i couldn’t reopen (we were on day 6/7 at this point so at that time it was mandatory 14 days). They KNEW the hospital had said to basically pray because if he didn’t stop him from getting worse he wouldn’t survive. Yet they still texted me that . I cried and texted them back that I didn’t think I was the right daycare for them anymore and that id refund any unused days and mail their things. They didn’t reply. My DH fully recovered and I reopened on day 21 with the support of my assistant. That dcf texts askin what im
              going to do to prevent any further closures. Mind you THEY gave us all covid. So I replied that there must’ve been a misunderstanding but they had care terminated after that texts… they reached out to the other daycare families and I lost 3 other families in a matter of a week. God only knows what they told them… I went down to 3 kids which wasn’t even enough to afford my assistant!

              anytime I feel myself get emotional or think that I should do MORE for a family, I think of them and remind myself that families think of me as just a business…

              that being said, I still do extras for families that are appreciative , but more often than not, it becomes an expectation and the second I can’t anymore , they’re unhappy and start seeing me again as a business.

              so I remind myself I survived losing most of my daycare and rebuilt …. Anyone starts off on the wrong foot; I stop them and talk to them. If it doesn’t get better or I know I can’t get over something, then they go. I’d rather be broke than disrespected

              good luck. It’s so tough!

              Comment


              • e.j.
                e.j. commented
                Editing a comment
                My jaw dropped when I read the first text from your dc parent. I didn't think it could drop any more than it already had until I read the second text. OMG! How oblivious and obtuse can any one person be?! Wow!

              • GirlMomma
                GirlMomma commented
                Editing a comment
                I’m glad you termed that family!

              • Momboss
                Momboss commented
                Editing a comment
                Omg im so sorry! This is why i try to make sure the other families don’t communicate with each other. I dont take friends or family of current parents. Ive thought about doing a facebook page for the parents or even having a get together with all the families, but i change my mind because i rather them not be friends with each other. Might sound weird but i can think of a million ways it could backfire on me lol

            • #10
              Originally posted by Valerie928 View Post
              I was on vacation last week and when my dck 's came back this week the parents acted like they'd performed some kinda grand miracle by having to be with their kids while I was gone. Ridiculous.
              I have an over 3 year old dcg that still has a pacifier at home, still poops her pull up daily and sleeps in a crib... I want to bitch slap her parents. They treat her like an infant.
              I could go on.....and on..

              I am tired but more physically tired because I foster orphaned neonatal kittens and just got a litter of 6 that require round the clock care. I would do this for a living if I could tho and quit daycare forever.
              Yes!!!!!!!! All of this! Preach!

              Parents don't know what their children are capable of. They want to either keep them babies or they're lazy. I have a 4 year old that Mom didn't know could put on her own velcro shoes!!! Velcro!!

              It's easy to say "Just term them", but I'd literally have to term all of them. They can't handle their own children.

              Comment


              • #11
                Sahm121

                Ugh. So awful. I am so sorry you all went through that. Before I read your full story, I was nodding my head to you saying that they will always look out for themselves first. Because it’s true. And because of that, why should I put any emotions into this? Why should I care? I don’t. I have to do my job right even when no one is looking. That’s my duty. I can’t expect these selfish people to appreciate that. I don’t need them to. And I am at total peace that they don’t. I am at total peace that I need nothing from them but payment for my services.

                Comment


                • #12
                  Not all of my families have been the non parenting types. I’ve dealt with some real doozies, but there have been some normal ones too. A few that had to work, but would have loved to been home. And then some that liked to work, but loved their children dearly and any day off they were with them. They really worked hard not to keep their kids in care for too long. That has been my experience though. Everyone has their own experiences.

                  I feel like my main experiences have been dealing with people with severe unchecked mental health issues. I can’t arm chair diagnose people, but I’ve come across some interesting people. They were fairly open to me about their mental struggles and needing to be on medicine and tell me they were getting on it, but then would never do it. And I tried my best to separate it, but they always brought their drama into my home.

                  OP I truly hope you figure it out and get through this because you deserve happiness in what you do every day just as much as anyone else.

                  Last edited by MissCait; 08-11-2022, 06:44 PM. Reason: Edited to shorten it up

                  Comment


                  • #13
                    Originally posted by TwinMama View Post
                    …but it's also an emotional job.?
                    ONLY if you allow it to be.
                    Being human is emotional but the job doesn’t “have” to be.
                    Like MissCait said I detach.

                    Comment


                    • Momboss
                      Momboss commented
                      Editing a comment
                      I agree to an extent. When the parent gives their kids junk at home, i end up changing the explosive diapers or get blamed for the diaper rash from the absurd amounts of kiwi the parent gives to their toddler lol. Some parenting decisions make my job more annoying. But not quite enough to term over it. But i feel like most people dont love their jobs and have something to compain about, so i just decide to remember the pros vs the cons.

                  • #14
                    Im most tired of the disrespect and lack of common sense when it comes to payment. Does your boss pay you a week late when they are sick or on vacation? No. So why do you feel like you can? Just because im a childcare provider doesnt mean im supposed to have more empathy and understanding than any of your utility bills or mortgage company. I dont do this for fun, i do this so im not homeless like everyone else. You wouldnt want me to do this job for fun, because if that was the case and money wasnt a factor, you sure wouldnt be a family i would put up with! Id be super strict about who is enrolled.

                    Comment


                    • #15
                      Originally posted by Blackcat31 View Post

                      ONLY if you allow it to be.
                      Being human is emotional but the job doesn’t “have” to be.
                      Like MissCait said I detach.
                      Agree, but I also want to add that being emotional Is what inspires me and motivates me to do what I do. It’s what makes me me, so I wouldn’t change that you know? It would make this job and life in general way easier 😂

                      Comment

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