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14 month old not phasing in

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  • 14 month old not phasing in

    14 months, has only ever had care provided in their home by babysitters. Has screamed nonstop for two days and is halfway through the third day. Has not taken anything by mouth any of those days – they are in care for six hours and have produced wet diapers during. They have napped. Today, they are hitting me when I try to hold them. They have not attempted to engage with any of the other children or with any activities. They are thrashing around and trying to run away during diaper changes. We haven't been able to go outside while they are here because they are screaming so loudly that I expect the neighbors would complain. We did drop off outside on the first day and they were screaming so loudly that we couldn't stay out.

    There is no corner to turn, is there? I need to just tell the parents that if the child does not start taking something by mouth and engaging in activities by the end of the week, we are foregoing our second "let's feel this out" week and that they are going to need to find some way to manage care at home until the child has moved out of this high-separation-anxiety developmental stage. Yes?
    Last edited by Pestle; 4 weeks ago.

  • #2
    My 14-month-old dck's tend to "cry" a lot, too It is a miserable age. They want to walk but are not great at it. They want to communicate, same thing. They want to play wih the more engaging toys, but their chunky fingers are still a bit too clumsy. It's like the 13 of the teenage years. As much fun as 18 months is, 14 months is miserable.

    I'd give it the full two weeks unless it is rising your stress level to the point that you feel unwell. Do you have an extra crib to put him in and walk away for a couple minutes when you need to? That is a worthwhile investment. He may even need it from time to time too, for that very reason. Just be careful not to let it go more than a few minutes or it will become something else you need to transition. Lesson learned, the hard way.

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    • Pestle
      Pestle commented
      Editing a comment
      Yes, they are in a crib in the other room right now so that the rest of the kids can take a nap. I am sitting in the doorway feeding a bottle to a baby right now.

      Well, I'm asking myself, what is the value here? This is so disruptive to the program that the other children are miserable and their parents are asking what's wrong with this child and whether their own kids are having any fun. If there is a corner turn, I am OK with staying the course. Of course, the end goal here is integrating this child into my little home daycare community. I would like to keep working with these parents. I had hopes that this child would be a great addition to the group.

      But is there a corner to turn, at this age and with this amount of separation anxiety? The screaming is literally nonstop from drop off until pick up, except from the child is sleeping. It does not stop. And there is nothing by mouth, either from what I offer or from the sippy cup they bring from home. Does that get better? How long does it take to get better?

      My sample size is small, as I was only taking four kids for the first five years I was in operation and it's only been a year since then. I've only ever had one child scream like this, and we gave up after four days. That was emergency care, because that child had a grandparent who is providing care in home and couldn't for a brief stretch of time. I learned afterward that they couldn't even leave that child in the church nursery because of how much she screamed.

      And so I don't really have a sense of whether a child who is behaving in this way is going to adapt or not. Do they adapt?

      Not helping: the parents really need to strip the cloth diapers and the child smells like a dumpster behind a teriyaki restaurant in the heat of summer, through my mask, after three rounds of Covid. If I'm going to tough it out, I will let them know, but if I'm going to tell them there's a deadline and then we are calling it quits, I will just let the odor be somebody else's problem.
      Last edited by Pestle; 4 weeks ago.

    • Cat Herder
      Cat Herder commented
      Editing a comment
      I would not be willing to do the cloth diapers. I don't think I am even legally able to since it is a health risk in group childcare. That would be gone, today.

      I also would be curious why the sudden decision to put him in daycare? Is it because of these issues? If so, he may need an evaluation not "socialization".

      If it is beyond normal 14-month-old drama, and I believe you when you say so, then do the kid a favor and give his parents a NO, now. Make them do the work of getting him evaluated, meeting his needs THEN preparing him for group daycare.

  • #3
    Mom took a job here in town and they just relocated here a few weeks ago. I am allowed to do cloth diapers as long as I stick the whole thing into the wet bag immediately and then hand on the wet bag at the end of the day without doing anything to clean the diapers myself.

    Up until now, the child has had babysitters at home. I honestly have no sense of whether this child has any complex needs, because they aren't doing anything other than standing and screaming. And so motor skills, social skills, learning skills, etc. aren't coming into play.

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    • #4
      14 months is an awful age. There is some developmental mile stone and stage going on, forgot what it is, I used to know all of them. Anyway, I can’t think of any 14 month old that I’ve cared for that didn’t do this to me for at least a week. This isn’t to say though that this child will work out. They still may not.

      It’s a terrible age to start them in daycare if you want my honest opinion. 12 months is too but I would say 14 months is worse. Anyway, it did get better for me and after I got through the turmoil, I had a pretty adjusted and well behaved child for most part, but it was hell.

      You do what you can handle and what your experience has shown you. Maybe you are dealing with an extreme case and it won’t get any better.

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      • #5
        So I had a DCG who is now almost 2. I started watching her around 13 months. It was AWFUL. She screamed the same way you are describing. She was only my second child and I had just started so I toughed it out. (DH BEGGED me to term almost daily ) DCM had worked from home and DCG was NEVER away from her except to go to grandma's on occasion. The first day I held and comforted her as much as I possibly could, the next day I let her cry a little more and offered her toys and just talked to her as much as possible. As if she wasnt screaming. LOL it was my way of getting through it. It SLOWLY got better though. It took about a MONTH before she would go the entire day without crying and even now, almost a year later, she still will scream if my licensing consultant comes or a new parent comes in. She is just terribly shy. She is a pretty good kid though and shes getting better the older she gets. However, I only had one other non-family member child at the time so it wasn't really causing any disruptions. I would at least give it until the end of the week and then decide if you can take another week. If it isnt getting any better at all after 5 full days then I would tell parents to try shorter days or start with a couple days/week and move up from there. (They would still pay full rate though.) It is not your job to prepare the child to adjust to daycare, it is the parents. I have had DS11 months with me since he was born. I have now started taking him a few hours/day a couple of days per week to different family members because he is SO shy and has horrible separation anxiety. I am trying to make sure he is not like that if I ever have to take him somewhere.
        On the other hand, I have a DCB13 months who just started on Monday and he cried for maybe a full 45 seconds when mom left but now he is the most laid back, go with the flow, easiest child I have ever met, so just remember, there are probably better options if you don't want to tough it out

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        • #6
          Originally posted by Pestle View Post
          Mom took a job here in town and they just relocated here a few weeks ago. I am allowed to do cloth diapers as long as I stick the whole thing into the wet bag immediately and then hand on the wet bag at the end of the day without doing anything to clean the diapers myself.

          Up until now, the child has had babysitters at home. I honestly have no sense of whether this child has any complex needs, because they aren't doing anything other than standing and screaming. And so motor skills, social skills, learning skills, etc. aren't coming into play.
          I’d term.
          It’s downright miserable listening to a kid scream/cry all day.
          I imagine it’s equally stressful to the other kids.

          If he hasn’t has some sort of (even tiny) improvement each day I’d be willing to wager that you won’t see any improvement without several more long weeks of what is happening now as secure attachment needed isn’t happening without WEEKS of hard work and honestly, none of us get paid enough to invest in that type of behavior modification.

          My advice is give it back to parents. We are not miracle workers.

          Comment


          • #7
            I like BaileeB’s suggestion - have the child ease into daycare by doing shorter days. But I also like BC’s suggestion - term.

            I personally don’t take kids unless they’re 15-16 months and walking. I have made exceptions (a referral) and I enrolled a 14.5 month old last November. He had been home with DCM since he was born. I didn’t have to the issues you’re describing at all. DCK would of course cry at drop off, which only lasted a min or two before he could be redirected.

            The reason I found this Forum was because I had a screaming 8 month old. I had just opened so I put up with it for 8-10ish weeks before I termed.

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