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"It's an anxiety thing" ??

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  • "It's an anxiety thing" ??

    I am interested to hear how you guys would handle this situation because I am at a loss.

    I have a DCG who will be three in October. She has been coming here since mid-June. Her younger cousin comes here and has been here since January. DCG 2.75 has never had any issues socially. She is very outgoing and talkative. I am not saying that people cannot have anxiety and still be outgoing but she does not show any of the typical symptoms.
    Recently she has been having behavior problems at home (this is according to DCM) but she has not had issues here. According to DCgrandma, DCP never tell her "no" at home and coddle her.
    DCM has always lingered at drop off and its been getting worse and worse. She literally came in and sat down in the playroom one day. I was like "Okay, everyone, time for breakfast." it was 20 minutes early but I was trying to kick her out. Of course, now DCG is having a hard time with DCM leaving. And when she throws fits, DCM stops and coddles her and wont just leave even when I tell her that she will be fine and will stop as soon as she is out the door. On the weeks when I rotate new toys in, she is fine the first few days because the excitement of the new toys distracts her but then it wears off and she loses it. DCM also lets her bring toys in and I have to be the bad guy and take them away (I really dont care because she doesnt even cry because she KNOWS I will not give in). But it speaks to DCM inability to grow up and PARENT (as someone else on this forum once said - parent is a verb!!)
    I finally told DCM last night that she needs to follow my policy and develop a short and sweet drop off routine. BECAUSE yesterday DCM hung around and DCG threw a fit and then DCG cousin then started screaming too because they are super close and if one of them loses it, so does the other. It was 15-20 minutes of screaming. I was DONE.

    Well DCG has picked at her face and given herself a scab next to her mouth that she picks at when upset. Well when DCM was leaving another DCK was arriving and she saw DCG start picking at her face as she was leaving and she texted me that its an anxiety thing (I had said something about it needing to be looked at or covered because she keeps making it bleed) and I am like YOU are the reason! YOU are giving her anxiety by not being consistent at drop off. She says she hates to leave her when shes upset and blah, blah, blah. I am about to tell her that she needs to see her pediatrician if she thinks she has anxiety thats so bad she is making herself bleed. But she doesn't really pick at it throughout the day until its around pick up and drop off or nap time.

    Has anyone experienced a DCK picking at their face and what should I tell DCM? If she is having this much anxiety about coming here after being here for MONTHS what’s the solution?
    Last edited by BaileeB; 4 weeks ago.

  • #2
    We have one that will cry close to nap time but does great throughout the day pick up, drop off etc.
    Christy Sewell

    Comment


    • #3
      Originally posted by BaileeB View Post
      I am interested to hear how you guys would handle this situation because I am at a loss.

      I have a DCG who will be three in October. She has been coming here since mid-June. Her younger cousin comes here and has been here since January. DCG 2.75 has never had any issues socially. She is very outgoing and talkative. I am not saying that people cannot have anxiety and still be outgoing but she does not show any of the typical symptoms.
      Recently she has been having behavior problems at home (this is according to DCM) but she has not had issues here. According to DCgrandma, DCP never tell her "no" at home and coddle her.
      DCM has always lingered at drop off and its been getting worse and worse. She literally came in and sat down in the playroom one day. I was like "Okay, everyone, time for breakfast." it was 20 minutes early but I was trying to kick her out. Of course, now DCG is having a hard time with DCM leaving. And when she throws fits, DCM stops and coddles her and wont just leave even when I tell her that she will be fine and will stop as soon as she is out the door. On the weeks when I rotate new toys in, she is fine the first few days because the excitement of the new toys distracts her but then it wears off and she loses it. DCM also lets her bring toys in and I have to be the bad guy and take them away (I really dont care because she doesnt even cry because she KNOWS I will not give in). But it speaks to DCM inability to grow up and PARENT (as someone else on this forum once said - parent is a verb!!)
      I finally told DCM last night that she needs to follow my policy and develop a short and sweet drop off routine. BECAUSE yesterday DCM hung around and DCG threw a fit and then DCG cousin then started screaming too because they are super close and if one of them loses it, so does the other. It was 15-20 minutes of screaming. I was DONE.

      Well DCG has picked at her face and given herself a scab next to her mouth that she picks at when upset. Well when DCM was leaving another DCK was arriving and she saw DCG start picking at her face as she was leaving and she texted me that its an anxiety thing (I had said something about it needing to be looked at or covered because she keeps making it bleed) and I am like YOU are the reason! YOU are giving her anxiety by not being consistent at drop off. She says she hates to leave her when shes upset and blah, blah, blah. I am about to tell her that she needs to see her pediatrician if she thinks she has anxiety thats so bad she is making herself bleed. But she doesn't really pick at it throughout the day until its around pick up and drop off or nap time.

      Has anyone experienced a DCK picking at their face and what should I tell DCM? If she is having this much anxiety about coming here after being here for MONTHS what’s the solution?
      Yes! I had a dcg that by age 2 was picking her face in several places, bleeding and scabbing. She had parents that basically wanted nothing to do with her. So for this kid, it was all for attention and out of boredom. Boredom because she would nap here from 1-3, get picked up late in the day then her parents would force her to bed by 7. So, she would pick at her face until she finally fell asleep much later than 7 of course. I ended up terming because this child's behaviors escalated to tantrums all day seeking attention. It was sad to me and I still think about this kid a lot and worry about her.

      Comment


      • BaileeB
        BaileeB commented
        Editing a comment
        I wonder if this is the case for this DCG! She really displays ALL of the attention-seeking behaviors. If someone gets hurt and I check on them she will pretend to get hurt too to get attention. If someone coughs, sneezes, etc and I ask if they are okay she will cough, sneeze, etc and try to get the same response. She throws tantrums and whines like no child I have ever seen. It’s funny because her cousin is the opposite and I can’t get her attention to save my life. She’s so “nurtured” (aka babied and suffocated) by her mom that she just wants to come to daycare and be left alone lol
        But I worry that eventually her behavior is just going to end up the same here that it is at home and I’ll have to term. When she started she was my favorite. The sweetest little “helper” (she’s the oldest I have currently). She loved to help clean up and would be the best leader that the younger kids loved to follow. Now she’s defiant half of the time, backtalking or ignoring me when I tell her it’s time for clean up and when I put her in time out she screams. She is quickly becoming my least favorite. 😬
        I have even tried to do the ridiculous praise for the wanted behavior to see if I could make the attention seeking work to my advantage but she doesn’t just want praise, she wants to be babied. She still tries to get me to pick her up and hold her randomly throughout the day, especially when I’m holding one of the infants.

    • #4
      Tell parents that you want to try a quick drop off at the door. You believe that the extended good-byes are stressing the child. Child isn't coping with the uncertainty of when parent leaves. If you and parents do the same routine every day, perhaps that will help. This should help you, the child and the parents. If mom or dad can't bear to do a quick drop off, then they should move on.

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