Pre-School Problems?

[GirlMomma]

DD3 started going to Preschool two days a week in August.

Things were going very well until DD aged up to a different classroom. Last week, DD had two accidents during nap time because she didn’t have a Pull-up on.

DD is potty trained but she does have accidents in her sleep. She can put the Pull-up on and remove it herself unassisted. She does however need assistance wiping herself after a BM. This was all discussed during their enrollment process and on the PT info form they required.

I was a little upset after the second accident last week so I called and spoke to the receptionist since the director was out and I wasn’t getting any response from the teacher. She assured me it would be taken care of and advised me the lead teacher was out and there was a sub in the room. The receptionist said while the sub being there wasn’t an excuse, that could be why DD wasn’t in a Pull-up at nap time. I re-confirmed with the receptionist that they will assist and they allow Pull-ups during nap in that classroom.

This week, DD didn’t have any accidents. But she came home with poop marks in her underwear. I checked the daily report - she had a BM at 8:30 that morning. I can only assume they didn’t help wipe her, despite my previous complaints.

Any advice on how to handle this? This is the third issue with PT.

[Cat Herder]

It would be highly uncommon to expect help with wiping in preschool *barring special needs*, ADA classified needs. I do not assist potty trained kids, at all. Wiping and changing their own pull-ups are their responsibility.

I am assuming she is over 3.

[GirlMomma]

She just turned three a couple weeks ago. This is something they said they did, I confirmed prior to enrollment.

This is a state registered daycare facility - not licensed, with a preschool program.

[GirlMomma]

After communicating via text with the director, she said she wants prefers to speak with me in person so she can explain things I may not be aware of. I find that very weird… I responded that I’d prefer to keep our communication in writing.

[SandBox]

They told you they help them wipe, but probably shouldn’t have said that. I have never heard of any facility assisting PT kids unless SN. With their ratio to teacher, they really can’t turn their backs very long. I am sure there is probably some liability too. And I want to say they are not even supposed to. So if they told you they did, I can see why they don’t want that in writing. Maybe they do sometimes? But still they shouldn’t have told you. So that’s on them.

[GirlMomma]

Our state says the kids have to be within sight or sound at all times.

They’re a daycare facility with a pre-k program. The actual pre-k programs in my town require the kids to be fully PT. Not sure if that’s why they said they could do it or not?

[flying_babyb]

Can they allow her to wipe with a wipe? I know alot of our preschoolers would ask for wipes after a poo and the teacher would hand them some wipes and remind them NOT to flush the wipes but to put them in the Crab can (a trash can decorated like a crab). Worked well, cut down on skidders and allowed the children to take care of there own buisness

[GirlMomma]

This is something I will ask the teacher when she calls me. Thank you!

[Annalee]

I don't go to the bathroom with anyone that is potty-trained....I get asked about 'skid marks' ALL THE TIME, but I always respond with "I do NOT go to the bathroom with them once they are pottytrained". ALL preschools/pre-k here ONLY enroll potty trained children. Parents start trying to potty train early because of this?

[GirlMomma]

I don’t go either. If a parent says the child needs assistance with wiping after BM, I have no problem helping. IME, the child can teach their bum by age 4 and do it themselves 😊

[GirlMomma]

I agree, this is not something that is done with PT kids or in Pre-K. Like most of you, I assume the child can do it all on their own if they kid is PT. But if a DCP tells me that the child needs assistance with wiping after a BM, I will do it. No child should have to sit with that in their underwear if a provider is aware of it. I feel it’s unsanitary. My state requires us to be within sight/sound at all times. My DC bathroom is in my playroom - the set up is the same as DD’s classroom. I know it is different for every DC and every state.

I talked with the director. There isn’t a sub in the room (different from what the receptionist told me,) the lead teacher has been in the room since DD transitioned. The TA is out for a family emergency, leaving the lead teacher with10 kids, still within ratio. The director insisted again that it is okay for DD to be in a Pull-up at nap time and the teacher is capable of assisting when DD needs it - there is no policy against this. She says the teacher was not aware of these needs, despite the enrollment forms, the reminder from the receptionist and DH telling her last week.

It’s frustrating that I am being told so many different things. Hopefully DD just transitioned at a tough time and this experience will improve.

[Cat Herder]

I understand you are frustrated. What you need to know is that they are telling you they don't want to do this. It is not a normal request. The last child I let go was partially because of this issue with the parent. I don't usually answer providers questions involving their own children because it can be hard to separate age-appropriate practice from momma-bear heartstrings.

Having an itchy bottom is the natural consequence of not wiping well enough. 3-year old's will learn they don't like it, so will wipe better next time. Unless someone removes the natural consequence and forces staff to do it for them. If that happens it will simply take longer for the child to be independent and could cause issues with staff not liking her or you. That is what you want to avoid. The staff are human, no matter how professional.

I could sugar coat but find that is simply wasting time and effort. I promise you I did some of these things with staff as my kids were growing up and I wish I had someone who told me the truth back then. My kids would have had a much easier time of it. Public school (and preschool) requires independence, now more than ever. If a kid is well mannered, they will receive little to no attention for the bulk of their time in school. If they are high needs they will be bullied. I don't like it, I just know it is true. The bullies are protected, now.

[Cat Herder]

Oh, hindsight is 20/20 unsolicited mom advice, try coating her with a skin protectant before sending her each morning to minimize irritation while she learns. Not diaper cream, a good skin protectant like medseptic. https://www.healthproductsforyou.com...ant-cream.html

[Cat Herder]

It should also be said that the sooner your child is no longer accustomed to others touching private parts for any reason, the less likely they are to be touched inappropriately without your knowledge.

[Cat Herder]

Also, if she has a sensitivity to wool, avoid lanolin and pick one without it. Lesson learned the hard way.

"Lanolin is specific to sheep, but it’s likely that all mammals have their own version of a protective wax on strands of hair. Wool allergy is specifically linked with the lanolin from sheep. Lanolin allergy is rare. A 2001 review of more than 24,000 people with high risk for allergies showed only 1.7% of them actually reacted to lanolin."

[Cat Herder]

Panty liners are a great option, as well. I should have mentioned that. Teach her how to toss them in the trash and change them whenever they get dirty. You will be ahead of the game when menstruation comes,

[GirlMomma]

Thank you!

[Blackcat31]

Another point I don't believe was mentioned in previous posts that I read but is your DD asking for assistance. I tell my potty trained kids that I don't normally assist them with their potty needs HOWEVER, if they feel they need help to ask me. If they don't ask, I don't really get involved at all. Maybe your DD didn't ask for assistance and felt she did a good job on her own. I don't know...just throwing that out there.

[GirlMomma]

I am the same way with my DCK. It’s very possible she didn’t ask for any help. There have been times she hasn’t asked for help at home because she wants to be independent. Thank you for bringing this up, BC!