How to Grow an in Person Backbone?

[SandBox]

BaileeB

Aww, that irritates me she did that to you. 6:30 in the freaking morning. I would definitely send what BC told you too. She doesn’t deserve to get away with it.

I’ve been caught off guard too. I’d let them slide and just over time I got better with it.

[BaileeB]

MissCait no, I know what you meant, you’re fine! Haha it’s true though! I’m not good at thinking on my feet sometimes. Especially at 6:30am before I’ve had my coffee and I spent all night dealing with a sick and teething 11mo 🙃 haha
But yes! I am most definitely going to pause and honestly, if someone asks me something like making a financial exception I want to pause so long they feel uncomfortable and ridiculous for asking 🤣 that’s what I should have done. Like a “are you hearing yourself?” Kinda thing without saying it

[BaileeB]

So side note: does anyone have anything in their policies about after-hours phone calls, messages, emails, etc? PITA DCM texts me ALL THE TIME about stupid stuff. She’s been bugging me almost daily about talking about PT. I can’t even explain my policy because she shows up at the last minute and is almost late to work every morning. I told her we can schedule a time to talk on the phone one evening or we can talk at pickup. She texted me at 7:30pm asking to talk on the phone tonight. She said she has another question. LEAVE ME ALONE I AM WITH MY FAMILY. Ugh. I guess I will get to practice the “let me think about it and I’ll get back with you” because she will probably ask tomorrow. Why does it have to be the parent I dislike most wants to text me the most? DH said I need to charge her for every non-urgent message outside of daycare hours. Anyone have something like that in their policy book or do your DCPs have common courtesy to leave you alone when you’re off? 🤦♀️

[SandBox]

BaileeB

“Not quick on your feet” that came out wrong. I meant she probably knows she would catch you off guard. I didn’t mean that insulting like you’re stupid or anything. Anyway, the pausing helps me and staying on my guard. It’s a habit now. So much though that usually when I pause, the parent fills it in for me. Lmao. “Just get back to me!” And i say “okay.” Lol!!

[Sahm121]

BCs tip about imagining taking money from MY kids was what helped me. Then I also try to say ‘let me get back to you’. It gives me time when I’m caught off guard and debating caving in to avoid confrontation.

[Sahm121]

The PT family just started and is already pushing policies. It’s not going to get better, I’d honestly debate terming during the trial period.

for the other mom, i like BCS text/email to send . She KNEW you wouldn’t charge . Even if you decide to clarify and just charge the 1/2 as a courtesy then I’d make sure she Understands that this is a one time thing and that you won’t offer that again,

[BaileeB]

Thank you!!! This is perfect because I feel like she did it intentionally to catch me off guard and again, it’s just rude to put your financial issues on me. I’m running a business to provide for my family and like I said, I feel like she just wants an exception for EVERY policy.

[GirlMomma]

I am the same with things like that. I am getting better. I’ve taken the advice to keep a straight face/smile and say I’ll get back to them or just quickly say “No!”

The other mom: I’d remind her your policy is that she has two forms of back-up care. Depending on how she responded would depend on the whether or not I’d term.

[Blackcat31]

ALWAYS reply with "Ill get back you" when asked something on the spot. Asking on the spot is rude and somewhat underhanded as most clients know that you will say something you don't mean simply because they put you on the spot.

I would email that mom back and tell her "After thinking about it, I have decided that I am not willing to waive the fees for DCG's absent days as I previously said. I answered in haste since you kind of put me on the spot and I wasn't really able to think things completely through. While I'd love to waive fees for clients it just isn't possible since this is my source of income and the means in which I pay my bills for my family so I am sure you understand. Thank you and I'll see you XXXX day"

Saying the above tells her that this is your business/income and tells her you don't like being put on the spot like that. It also SHOWS her you aren't afraid to correct your mistake and stand behind your business policies.

As for DCM# 2, I personally wouldn't ask about or mention her back up providers and simply tell her that her child is excluded for ANY of the symptoms listed on your illness policy. I would also add that you understand how difficult it is to have to manage a job AND an ill child but millions of parents each year do it and sending a sick child to daycare is unacceptable and inconsiderate as well as something you will NOT tolerate.

Then type up an illness policy reminder as well as an addendum to the policy and add in the 24/48 hour rule. It will literally eliminate any issues you have with dope/drops and most of all sick kids being dropped at daycare.

Oh and as far as building a back bone... the two biggest light bulb moments for me was changing my mindset to believe that every single time I waive a policy or accept late payments, less pay or any type of issue with money, I told myself that I was essentially reaching into my kids piggy bank and taking money from them and giving it to the problem DC parent. (made me think twice about letting money issues slide when it benefitted the DCF but not me/my family.)

The second thing was..... these people (clients) are not my friends. I do not care if they like me or not.

[BaileeB]

I am not sure what I should say now though. I am considering charging her the half rate and if she says something I will say “oh, I thought you meant not charging you full rate even though you didn’t give me notice”. I feel like it’s really rude to ask me to give up my money for you to be more comfortable. And I mean, not to sound mean but she is a middle school math teacher and her husband works in HVAC or plumbing for some big company and he’s like never home and they only have one daughter. I am not trying to sound rude, but it’s in my policy for a reason. Same thing with the PT. It’s like she wants to get an exception for EVERY policy. Honestly, I think I just said it because I was so excited for her to not be here for most of next week. 😂

Second DCM I’m trying to figure out a way to tell her that she needs to seriously consider if this is going to work for her. Because I am going to exclude. I have a 30 minute pickup window. I understand that she had a hard time finding anywhere with openings (she had been sending him to what seemed to me to be a super scummy unlicensed place before) and she is so excited to have him enrolled here because I’m licensed and an actual business.

[SandBox]

I’d ask the second mom about the back up care she put on paperwork and what’s the issue.

[SandBox]

I’d get rid of that mom. She’s causing too many issues. She probably knows you’re not quick on your feet either.

I think time and experience fixes a lot of this. You’ll get better and develop the back bone through a few hard lessons.

But practice now to pause and then give an answer. Start it tomorrow with all parents. Even silly simple stuff, pause, think, then answer. And practice the “let me think on this and get back to you.” It’s a conscience effort until it becomes habit.

[BeeNature]

I have this same problem sometimes! I like Rock girl's advice and just tell them you'll have to think about it.

[Rockgirl]

I wish I could remember who gave this advice on here awhile back. When a dc parents catches you off-guard with a question like that, say, “Let me think about that and I’ll get back to you.” Then you’ll have time to word your answer.

As for the other mom, I would really consider terming. She’s already pushing back on your illness policy….what will be next? When she says she can’t take off every time her child is sick, she’s putting the problem back on you, but SHE is the parent. It’s her problem to figure out. You required backup care, so she should be using that.

[BaileeB]

I need some advice. I never have a hard time sticking to my policies over text or email but I have a hard time confronting people in person. I also have a hard time knowing what to say when people ask me questions I’m not expecting. For example: this morning, PITA DCM came to drop off DCG22 mo and wanted to talk about potty training AGAIN. Well basically I had told her over text I wasn’t budging on my policies so she didn’t ask about PT policy. But she said she is keeping DCG home on Tuesday and Wednesday (I am closed on Monday) and said they are trying to work things out financially at home so she asked if I could waive the absent rate (half regular rate but should be full rate since she’s not giving two weeks notice). I instinctively just said “yeah sure” and I have NO idea why 🤦♀️ It’s not a ton of money, BUT since it’s not, why can’t she just pay it? I know some people are in a tight spot but, like, I will be too if I don’t charge anyone! My other problem is, I am setting a precedent now. She’s a teacher so she’s going to expect that she gets all of her breaks and days off waived while everyone else pays and I’m literally so mad at myself. How do I fix this? What do I say?

also going to add problem #2 I’m currently having lol:
DCM of DCB14 mo (who just started and is the absolute sweetest and I love him already) had told me she had two resources for backup care (which I require) and then sent him on Tuesday when he was WAY too sick to be here and I texted about pickup and she started saying she can’t take off every time he is sick and she is a preschool teacher so she knows and yada yada and was kinda rude. She kept him home yesterday and sent him back today but he seems worse this afternoon (suspecting a dope and drop). I told her if she doesn’t have the means to keep him home then my program isn’t for her as mean as that sounds. But she got upset and has seemed annoyed at drop off and pick up which I don’t really care about but I’m not sure how to tell her she needs to be available when her kid is sick. I’m still in the trial period with her so I could term anytime but I don’t want to be mean in the way I handle it.