Mom Hiding Pregnancy

[Lexie489]

Hello Everyone,

I had a 1.5-year-old DCG start in September, and I was told by somebody that DCM is pregnant. She has not mentioned this to me, but I have had my suspicions. I decided to check her social media, and sure enough, she has a formal announcement (from early September) and many pregnancy-related posts.

At this point, I don't know how/if to bring it up but would like to know what her plans are when the baby is born- for the sake of my business planning.

Ironically, I had an enquiry for care beginning the Monday after her due date- don't know if the Universe is sending me a message, lol.

I have a four-weeks notice clause in my contract, but I feel she should be giving more notice in this case.

I'm curious to know what other providers would do in this situation.

Thank You!

[Blackcat31]

Hello Everyone,

I had a 1.5-year-old DCG start in September, and I was told by somebody that DCM is pregnant. She has not mentioned this to me, but I have had my suspicions. I decided to check her social media, and sure enough, she has a formal announcement (from early September) and many pregnancy-related posts.

At this point, I don't know how/if to bring it up but would like to know what her plans are when the baby is born- for the sake of my business planning.

Ironically, I had an enquiry for care beginning the Monday after her due date- don't know if the Universe is sending me a message, lol.

I have a four-weeks notice clause in my contract, but I feel she should be giving more notice in this case.

I'm curious to know what other providers would do in this situation.

Thank You!

Good Morning!

I understand where you are coming from but pregnancy is personal and not something that HAS to be shared with everyone. Maybe the parent is planning to give the required 4 week notice and not returning to care after she has her second child. Maybe she just hasn't mentioned it for other reasons.

Who knows.... but as long as the mother is following your contract policies she is doing nothing wrong. If you have someone interested in filling the spot, fill it if you need to to but I certainly wouldn't worry about what the current DCM is going to do. If she wanted the space, she would've mentioned it by now.

I have a daycare parent that enrolled her first child in care around 15 months. She got pregnant with her second child and although she told me of the pregnancy never mentioned wanting an infant spot. I carried on as normal. Oldest child is still enrolled and grandma watches baby. DCM asked me a few weeks ago to let her know when a space becomes available as she would like to enroll second child sometime in the coming months but there is no hurry as grandma is perfectly find watching baby.

SO who knows what your current DCM's situation is but like I said, unless she breaks contract policies, she isn't doing anything wrong by not talking with you about this situation.

If its something you want settled, you could simply mention that you saw her Facebook post and wanted to know if she'll be needing a spot as you've had interest from others but wanted to give her first right of refusal for the space.

[Lexie489]

Thanks for your reply!

I should have probably mentioned that I'm not concerned about a spot for the baby. Here in Canada, we have a maternity leave of 12-18 months.

My concern is the fact that she may choose to keep her daughter at home, and instead of having months to fill the spot, I'm going to have four weeks. I've had other clients give me almost nine months' notice for pregnancy in the past out of courtesy. I've had other clients tell me early on, and let me know that their child will be continuing care during their mat leave. Point is, I knew where I stood with both clients. Now, I'm declining an enquiry because technically I'm full if I account for the child who may/may not be here.

[GirlMomma]

I have a two week notice policy. But like you, I prefer to know what the parents plan to do sooner rather than later.

In the past, all of my families have told me they were expecting well before the social media announcement. That’s when I congratulate them, remind them I do not enroll infants until they are walking and get a feel for what their plans are when baby arrives. About two months before the due date, I will send my Family Leave info home. This gives me about six weeks to fill their spot if needed.

Personally, I wouldn’t bring it up unless DCM tells you about the pregnancy… then I’d ask what her plans are.

[Alwaysgreener]

This reminds me when I was pregnant for my son. Dcm was pregnant at the same time. When I announced my pregnancy to the daycare family so they knew that I was going to be close for the summer, ended up confronting her.

She was due in February and I was due in May. I let everybody know before Christmas and she congratulated me. When she congratulated me, I said well you've never told me when you're due. I caught her off guard and she says I haven't?

They were keeping it a secret for me because they had planned on pulling boy during the leave. But because of the timing they ended up pulling him for my leave too.

I had no trouble replacing him with a teacher family that didn't need care all summer.

I say wait until she's definitely showing but don't wait too long time I confront her and say a little birdie told me you're expecting and then once confirmed give her 2 weeks or 4 weeks or whatever you want to do to complete her leave of absence form (FMLA form) letting you know whether or not she will be leaving or staying.

Now I give three options on my form option a leave option b stay and pay (a weekly holding fee) but no attendance and option c stay (with reduced hours.) I also agree not to replace (as long as they are complaint with the contract) them early if they're going to leave. That way they're truthful and don't pull a switch a roo at the minute and leave my high and dry

My form would also include due date, whether they're having a planned or unplanned delivery and they're expected last day for the child.

[GirlMomma]

Lexie489 I have the same Family Leave policy as Alwaysgreener. My FMLA kids can only attend six hours/day.

The only difference I am considering doing in the future: adding a clause to contract them for the entire duration of their leave. I want to guarantee pay for the entire 6/8/12 weeks they decide to stay. That way, they absolutely can’t pull a bait and switch… if they do, I’m still paid.

[JaeB]

I've never come across the pregnancy leave yet but I think I would need to know when or if the child enrolled will be attending after baby is born especially since I don't care for infants which 9 times out of 10 dictates if the enrolled child stays here

[Lexie489]

I definitely want to know, I feel like it is a common courtesy. I've been stewing on this all day because I have never encountered anything like this. She doesn't HAVE to disclose it to me, but if friends/family/coworkers/public social media accounts have been informed, I should be too. I'm pissed because I have families contacting me for care in the spring, and I'm technically full so cannot proceed further. If I fill the spot assuming she's pulling her daughter and she doesn't, that's a problem. If I wait too long, then I may miss out on spring enrollments.

My four-week policy is a minimum, but I've always had parents tell me much sooner in cases like moves or maternity leaves. I even had someone give me six-month's notice because her child was starting Kindergarten, which I already knew- lol.

[JaeB]

I believe that maybe you should ask the mom to see what she says I would hate to think that people were being sneaky just because they want to slip out unnoticed because if that's the case you can go ahead and tern them early and that solves the problem all together but honestly I think I would term early so I know for sure that I'm not scrambling to fill the spot . Apologies if I seem like I'm more strict and somewhat non-sympathetic but these parents say too much, do to little and are very entitled

[Lexie489]

I would hate to do that if her intention is to keep dcg in care during her maternity leave. It's the unknown driving me nuts!

[Blackcat31]

This is both an emotional and factual situation

Many posters commented that they would like to know ahead of time and that it’s a courtesy or expected that parents tell you (the provider) the information but factually they (parents) aren’t breaking any policies so I understand the courtesy type expectations from providers but I don’t understand the expectation that parents go above and beyond the contractual agreements.

If providers want parents to tell them plans regarding pregnancy, any maternity leave plans etc then why not write those expectations into your policies? If your contract states a 4 week (or 2 week) notice is required then that’s all that’s required of them. No matter the reasons.

A courtesy is different than a contractual obligation.

On the flip side, most providers will advise other providers that are closing down to give no more than 2 (or 4 week) notice to parents that they are shutting down so that the provider can maintain their income and won't suffer the fate of kids withdrawing from care months in advance.

We (providers) can't have it both ways.

[Lexie489]

We can't have it both ways, but we do have control over our business.

I'm not going to sit back and just wait for their notice. If I find a family who's a good fit, I will enroll them and exercise my right to give four-weeks notice.

[Blackcat31]

Lexie489 I understand where you’re coming from. I just choose to operate differently. I have zero issues separating the emotional and business side of the profession. My contract states I can terminate at will, with or without notice for any reason so that helps but I guess I just don’t have the same expectations as others.

I am in a similar position. I currently have a parent that is pregnant. I know because someone she works with told me but DCM hasn’t told me and doesn’t know that I know. She has 2 other children enrolled here full time. In a perfect world, I’d love to know her plans but my contract states she give notice before withdrawing so IF she decides to leave she’ll follow the signed contract and I’ll do what I always do when someone leaves and will fill her space but I certainly won’t term her first because I want the security of knowing if they’re staying or leaving.

I knew going into this profession that job security was non-existent. 🙂

[Alwaysgreener]

Lexie489 I understand we're you are coming from too. It would bug me to not know, and like my example above, I did ask dcm and I was glad I did. I'm also glad she didn't tell me right away.

But I also agree with BC that my contract doesn't say that she had to tell me. So their is no requirement on dcm part to tell me.

If this is a deal breaker for you, I would recommend that at this time you take time to add a policy about pregnancy and your requirements on such an event.

[JaeB]

I have a section in my handbook about maternity leave also but if I even get the inkling that Mom's going to take baby out during before or after pregnancy then I would definitely term them first. if they're private pay there's always the possibility of them cutting out with pay and unfortunately that's what we deal with in my area. In the matter of reality in childcare is that parents lie! They will do whatever it is they have to do regardless if the contract is signed or not regardless if you have a section specifically for what needs to be addressed or not, it all depends on the type of families enroll and even then you're rolling a big dice. See ladies I realized in this job that the pay will never be what it's supposed to be so I put my sanity first child care ain't never paid my bills it just helped me get through with the exception of a few bills that I just don't pay so if it don't work for me and or if it affects the environment of my child care you got to go I don't care what the matter or the situation is that's why I like black cat I make sure it stays in my handbook that I can unenroll and disenroll at any time and thank goodness for that .

[Lexie489]

I'm realizing this more and more. I swear, each year my contract and handbook gets thicker

[Blackcat31]

I have a section in my handbook about maternity leave also but if I even get the inkling that Mom's going to take baby out during before or after pregnancy then I would definitely term them first. if they're private pay there's always the possibility of them cutting out with pay and unfortunately that's what we deal with in my area. In the matter of reality in childcare is that parents lie! They will do whatever it is they have to do regardless if the contract is signed or not regardless if you have a section specifically for what needs to be addressed or not, it all depends on the type of families enroll and even then you're rolling a big dice. See ladies I realized in this job that the pay will never be what it's supposed to be so I put my sanity first child care ain't never paid my bills it just helped me get through with the exception of a few bills that I just don't pay so if it don't work for me and or if it affects the environment of my child care you got to go I don't care what the matter or the situation is that's why I like black cat I make sure it stays in my handbook that I can unenroll and disenroll at any time and thank goodness for that .

I'm curious... how many kids are you allowed to have in your care in your state/area?

I'm only asking because you mentioned that child care has never paid your bills. That just got me thinking about how differently providers approach this job and the different perspectives many of them have because of that. I mean if child care only supplemented my family's income I might do things a bit differently but since childcare pays ALL my bills and has afforded me a lot (financially and in other ways) so I probably have different policies and a different way of managing my business because of that.

I've been doing this a long time and I can't think of a single time in which I would of termed a parent for not telling me their maternity leave plans or their plans to remain enrolled or not for whatever reason so this thread has got me thinking as to why providers think so differently.
I've never been in the camp of wanting to term first before being first and have set my policies up to work for me and protect my finances and in doing so it's allowed me to not worry about who's terming first or telling me what.

I require payment before services are provided so if a family cut and run, I am not out anything. I keep their deposit and just fill their spot.

Personally, I wouldn't want to get into the habit of terming a family I "thought" was leaving (but hadn't told me) as word gets around and I pride myself on my business reputation. It's taken years to develop but has netted me the luxury of being viewed in my community as a good, high quality, reliable childcare program with a waitlist allowing me to have not advertised an open spot in many many years. I am NOT saying everyone should do the same, I am just sharing my perspective.

Different stages in life also impact this business so I understand that not all providers see things the same way and different areas of the country also impact how providers run their businesses so the bottom line really is that there is no ONE way to do it. What works for some may not work for others and vice versa so that's what makes this place great.... networking, sharing, learning and supporting each other keeps us all sane!

[Lexie489]

In my case, I am allowed five children. However, I can make my income requirement on three children. I keep my group small to give each child more attention- it just works for me. So, when I have a client leaving me in limbo, it creates stress on my end. Again, not the client's problem, I know. But, I don't want to take more kids that I "need" for income security purposes, not when it doesn't take much to be an honest human being on the client's part.

[Blackcat31]

In my case, I am allowed five children. However, I can make my income requirement on three children. I keep my group small to give each child more attention- it just works for me. So, when I have a client leaving me in limbo, it creates stress on my end. Again, not the client's problem, I know. But, I don't want to take more kids that I "need" for income security purposes, not when it doesn't take much to be an honest human being on the client's part.

I understand. You said earlier though that if this parent was honest and said they were planning on withdrawing their child from care once they have this second baby, you would terminate them then and fill their space with someone else. If that's the case, I understand why parents aren't always honest. It doesn't make it right but I understand why they wouldn't be so forthcoming.

Having been in this business for as long as I have, I have learned that 99% of the time parents will do what works for them and I will do the same but I have managed to find a way to do what works for me so that I can protect myself from the fall out of parents doing what works for them. There are always kids needing care so I have built a pretty lengthy waitlist so if a parent blindsided me and said they were leaving (in 2 weeks, a month, immediately etc) I have a pool of families to draw from to fill that space.

I also understand and am appreciative of the fact that my area allows me to have a lot more kids that your area allows so that benefits me financially which again impacts my perspective and how I would/wouldn't handle certain things.

IF I were in your shoes, I would probably try and have a discussion with the mother about her plans for the future. I would share how her lack of being forthcoming would impact you/your budget etc and ask that she let you know as soon as she knows her plans so that you can continue to meet your financial obligations and eliminate unnecessary stress or worry from your business life. With a small group of clients, I can see how needing to have a more personal relationship would be beneficial to both parties.

As for expecting humans to be honest..... you will save yourself a lot of stress if you don't assume others will act as morally and as ethically as you choose to.
If you have those expectations, most times you will just be disappointed.

I think one of the biggest make/break deals in this business is that no one ever explained how hard it would be to manage/deal with the adults we interact with.
The kid stuff is tough, tiring and sometimes super stressful but dealing with parents is the worst!

[JaeB]

Blackcat 31, I'm allowed six kids by way of the rules for the providers in the city even though I am licensed as a large daycare which also include nine after school kids but because my learning room is smaller they only allow me the six. Now I've only had six kids one time the whole 8 years I've been open and ever since it has only been between 1:00 to 4 kids. now what saves me a lot of money is I am single with no children so that cuts out a lot of expenses that other people would normally have when they have children have to feed ,those children have to clothed, and etc etc but me and enrolling six children is now not the problem I am in the inner City and a part of the POC program so both of those together and separately opens up a whole another can of worms. all of my clients have been women under 30 who can't keep a job who have multiple children no fathers around and no real method as to how they take care of their kids. So because I've had parents cut out on me parents take their kids out because they don't like my policies me terming parents for disregarding my policies ,making their own rules, being late ,no payments, or paying when they want to my intake process is a bit more restrictive than others. I get the bulk of my bill money from purchase a care and then the private pay families take care of supplies and food. Not as far as the pregnancy thing goes the mother being pregnant doesn't sway me one way or the other but I don't like revolving doors and I don't allow families to pick me just because I'm close to them, or because the last daycare didn't do what they wanted to, or they just need a place for them to go because they're getting on their nerves parents have to have a plan for their life just like I have a plan for Mom hey you can get pregnant every year if you want to but I'm not pregnant with you and I need to know what's going on so I can move accordingly if I wait until every parent decides what they want to do I will be on their time doing what they want to do so I think it would be sweet of The Mamas if they tell me they're pregnant for one I can celebrate with them for two I can get their children ready for when the sibling comes and three I may share with you some of the highlights of my life as well I always say I cannot watch people's children if I cannot connect with their parents how are you going to trust me with your child if we don't connect enough to where you won't even let me know you're pregnant? I have a one-year-old who will be two in December she's been with me for a year her mom is just newly pregnant she scared and confused and doesn't know what to do but because she knows she can confide in me she actually asked me to go with her to get an abortion and be her support person I was flattered that she thought of me that way and trust me with knowing her situation but I was at a loss for words for a couple of days but then I put my mama pants on and let her know about my situation that I went through . had she not confided in me she would have went through this alone and possibly made the wrong decision which a lot of the females in my community don't have therefore they're running around like crazy ladies doing anything and everything to ease their pain. But I do get what you're saying black cat it's actually none of our business until it is our business but my thing is when they decide to make it our business will it be too late?

[Lexie489]

Thank you for your response

To clarify, I was being a bit facetious when I said I would term if I knew mom was pulling the child. If she gives me a month's notice, I'll exercise my right to do the same. I hoped the contrast would illustrate how keeping this a secret is poor form.

In reality, I have always seen clients to their final day- no matter what! I also tell clients in interviews this, that their last day is guaranteed. I also ask that they consider four weeks to be the minimum, and to let me know of any potential changes asap. Again, I stress they will have their last day guaranteed, It is merely for business planning purposes.

[Annalee]

I understand. You said earlier though that if this parent was honest and said they were planning on withdrawing their child from care once they have this second baby, you would terminate them then and fill their space with someone else. If that's the case, I understand why parents aren't always honest. It doesn't make it right but I understand why they wouldn't be so forthcoming.

Having been in this business for as long as I have, I have learned that 99% of the time parents will do what works for them and I will do the same but I have managed to find a way to do what works for me so that I can protect myself from the fall out of parents doing what works for them. There are always kids needing care so I have built a pretty lengthy waitlist so if a parent blindsided me and said they were leaving (in 2 weeks, a month, immediately etc) I have a pool of families to draw from to fill that space.

I also understand and am appreciative of the fact that my area allows me to have a lot more kids that your area allows so that benefits me financially which again impacts my perspective and how I would/wouldn't handle certain things.

IF I were in your shoes, I would probably try and have a discussion with the mother about her plans for the future. I would share how her lack of being forthcoming would impact you/your budget etc and ask that she let you know as soon as she knows her plans so that you can continue to meet your financial obligations and eliminate unnecessary stress or worry from your business life. With a small group of clients, I can see how needing to have a more personal relationship would be beneficial to both parties.

As for expecting humans to be honest..... you will save yourself a lot of stress if you don't assume others will act as morally and as ethically as you choose to.
If you have those expectations, most times you will just be disappointed.

I think one of the biggest make/break deals in this business is that no one ever explained how hard it would be to manage/deal with the adults we interact with.
The kid stuff is tough, tiring and sometimes super stressful but dealing with parents is the worst!

to the bolded comment....to you, Lexie489!

[Springvalley]

We have a policy that if at anytime for any reason whatsoever either the center or the parent wants to terminate care that we must be given a two week notice regardless of circumstance. If a parent calls and asks if we have room for a child we immediately put them on our wait-list until a spot opens up.

[JaeB]

The two weeks notice for private pay is also stated in my handbook but we also because I received government pay they're only allowed to give five days notice in which they never do and then there's no consequences for them leaving without the 5-day notice and then they get approved to go to another daycare no sooner than they go and give POC the new daycares site number. The state I'm in is just a mess all together but I realize that the state I'm in is for families for children with multiple children and for people who need extra extra help to get on their feet unless they're working and have a method to their own madness lol

[JaeB]

Blackcat31 I understand your take on providers not having things both ways but where I'm from providers have minimum ways that we are allowed to deal with things and the parents are the ones who are very much taken care of ,very much coddled, and very much entitled, that's just what the dynamic is in my area because what I won't do with other grown people is treat them like the children that they want me to watch you are grown just like I'm grown and if you don't know how to be grown then you and your children can stay at home and be children together. Unlike a lot of the ladies on this thread I'm not a babysitter if I wanted to be a babysitter I would offer my services to one family and but I went to school to learn how to educate these children help them with their social and emotional skills , observe psychological mental and physical traits so that I can either build off of them or point them in the right direction for resources we do not just play all day, my babies have to learn something because in our area education is the least that people worry about hence why a lot of the children in my area are on IEPs, taking medicine for behavior, or just don't have the skills to be socially, psychologically, or mentally prepared to be around other children or in different places and thrive. Where I'm from when children are in daycare this may be their only meal they get for the day, these may be the only hugs and kisses they get for the day , these may be the only places where Mom and Dad can meet up and be cordial with each other, these may be the only places where they get their teeth brushed ,ears cleaned ,hair combed, so yeah my take on child care and the skills are possessed go beyond just playing. But I also know how to pick my battles some things I just don't worry about some things I just don't harp on and of course some things just aren't my business but when I keep thinking about the shoulda would have could have or the what if then it's time for me to ask questions and it's time for me to be informed

[Blackcat31]

Sounds like your state doesn’t support provers very well. I’m sorry they don’t. So far my state has pretty much been very supportive of both providers and of parents. Makes it much easier when both sides are equally represented and supported.

I have a B.S in Early Childhood Education Birth to Gr 3. I am a 4 Star program (max star level for my state’s QRIS) and am close to completing my Montessori teaching certification. I have run the gamut between providing only "care" services or only "educational" services but have found a happy medium between the two. We do play all day. The kids learn everything they need to know for school readiness through play. I do not offer structured seat time or adult led/made craft activities.

But I will not perform things I believe are a parent responsibility; such as fixing a child’s hair or bathing them. I also don’t care if either parents or the kids call me a babysitter, a teacher or the lady that takes care of the kids… lol! As long as I’m paid on time and parents follow the policies they agreed to follow when they enrolled I am good. 🙂

[GirlMomma]

Another side to this that no one has mentioned - perhaps she is so early in her pregnancy, they haven’t decided what they’re going to do yet…? She just announced it in September, right? That’s fairly early, IMO. They probably don’t want to waste your time by telling you three different plans? This has happened to me before - it was more annoying than not knowing entirely… trust me! 😂 I’d rather they figure it out and tell me they’re pregnant with their plan following.

I wouldn’t term a family for being pregnant. I had one bad term and shoo wee you do not want that blow back! I have an entire thread about. I don’t regret doing it, but I regret doing it out of anger to basically “beat” mom to it. KWIM?

I understand you wanting to know, but if she’s not even showing yet (or showing enough to comment on it) it sounds like you have plenty of time to fill the spot. That’s if she even chooses to go.

I see the side of parents not telling the provider and leaving the provider’s program entirely - without payment. I am in an area known for people not paying their bills as well. I solved that by taking a non-refundable deposit prior to their start date that can be applied to the last two weeks of childcare.

Truthfully, my FMLA policy is a subtle way to get the answers I am wanting. I’d be happy to send it to you in a private message.

[Rockgirl]

Lexie489, are you fb friends with the mom? In that case, you could bring it up and ask if she has made plans. If not, I think you’re stuck waiting for her to tell you, since she’s not actually breaking any policies.

[JaeB]

Blackcat31 yeah my state is horrible they even gave the parents co-pays as far as POC and then said that they'll pay them but then on our statements that we get there's no indication that we were even paid their co-pays so it's kind of like we don't know what they're giving us for watching our kids we only get it once a month, and because they are actual clients of POC and not of ours we are not allowed to talk about their case with POC either so we're damned if we do damage if we don't but you are definitely to go to on this thread specifically because you've been in the business for so long so I definitely take heed to what you're saying and try to apply it to my methods as well so for that I thank you

[GirlMomma]

Lexie489 my DCM is about 32ish weeks pregnant. I have no idea what her plans are. She’s mentioned staying home until the newborn ages into my program, keeping the child with me, or going somewhere all together. I’m giving her my FMLA info next week. So I’ll have an idea within the next two weeks what they decide.

[e.j.]

I've just skimmed through some of the replies so I'm not sure if anyone has suggested this but Lexie, instead of directly asking this dcm if she's pregnant or waiting until she tells you the big news, could you just ask all of your dc parents if they know what their plans are for the spring? Explain that while you realize it's far enough in the future that things may change between now and then, but that potential clients have expressed interest in your program. While you hope everyone is planning to stay, you also don't want to turn away potential clients if there are any current families who might be thinking about leaving around that time. She may still not say anything but it's worth a shot. I've done something similar when I thought someone here might be leaving - teacher's kids in the summer, 3 years olds who are possibly heading off to preschool, etc... It could give you the information you're looking for without having to mention you've heard she's pregnant.