Toddler Formula Mom Strikes Again

[TwinMama]

So I have a Mom who doesn't want her 1yo to grow up. She doesn't believe the doctor when they tell her to give him milk. She's literally not satisfied unless it's on her terms. Well last night during pick up the other kids were hugging him, he fell, and his lip had blood on it. She literally watched it take place.

All day yesterday he was sad and falling asleep before the incident. I think he didn't feel the best but no fever. I told Mom he was extremely tired. She claimed he was up an hour earlier.

So this morning she walked in and told me that he was up all night and wouldn't eat because of his lip. Yeh...I looked while we were playing and there's not even a mark.

She said she had to feed him in the night because he was so hungry. Of course it's my fault. Then she says that the doctor told her that he needs to drink water and only have milk 3 times a day at each meal. Well no..the doctor didn't because we talked about this before. She said he's getting too much milk. Also my fault.

Then I find out from a text later that she's feeding him bottles of formula at night.

She also threw in a dig, because it's been raining out the past few days and we haven't went outside and that made him not sleep either. On top of it all...she wants to try and have another baby right away because dcb would be 2 by the time it was born. I think she just really needs a baby.

What can I say to just make it known. This is what I provide. Take it or leave it.

[Cat Herder]

At 12 months (up to 24 months), I do still give them formula (in a cup) with all snacks and milk only at meals to prevent relative anemia and encourage better brain development. When they stay overnight, a couple times per month, I also give them formula during the night (evening snack). I give them water, too, and most don't even drink the cow's milk. I really only serve it because the state says I have to. I prefer to give cheese, yogurt, etc.

What she is saying is correct, the way she is applying it to your day may not be.

"The Dietary Guidelines recommend that children aged 12 to 24 months drink 14–16 ounces (up to 2 cups) of whole milk per day." Any more than that in a 24 hour period is bad for their brain development.

[Cat Herder]

https://www.cdc.gov/nutrition/Infant...ernatives.html

[TwinMama]

At 12 months (up to 24 months), I do still give them formula (in a cup) with all snacks and milk only at meals to prevent relative anemia and encourage better brain development. When they stay overnight, a couple times per month, I also give them formula during the night (evening snack).

What she is saying is correct, the way she is applying it to your day may not be.

"The Dietary Guidelines recommend that children aged 12 to 24 months drink 14–16 ounces (up to 2 cups) of whole milk per day." Any more than that is bad for their brain development.

I'm actually following the state food guidelines. Plus, when he went in for his 1year appointment the doctor told her that he was to have milk. I'm literally doing what I was told by her when he turned one. She took all his formula home with her and told me to start giving him milk per doctors order. Now the doctor said something different all of a sudden?

She was hoping that the doctor would put him on toddler formula which was not the case.

I give him milk 3 times a day. She's aware of this.

None of us are nutritionists. So I do what the rules state, and the instructions I'm given. I'm not going to have her change the rules when it suits her and tell me that his issues are my fault.

[Cat Herder]

I'm not arguing with you. I am giving an example of why the mother is confused. The state regs and the dietary guidelines are at odds for anyone on the food program. It is confusing to parents. I have to explain it constantly to them. It's confusing to providers, too.

[Cat Herder]

I'm not arguing with you. I am giving an example of why the mother is confused. The state regs and the dietary guidelines are at odds for anyone on the food program. It is confusing to parents. I have to explain it constantly to them. It's confusing to providers, too.

[Cat Herder]

You would be shocked at how many people still believe that "milk is for babies" and give that as 100% of infant's diets. It is why entire family lines were labeled "slow" in Appalachia. There is a lot of history in these issues. The photo above is still a very common sight in some regions.

[TwinMama]

I'm not arguing with you. I am giving an example of why the mother is confused. The state regs and the dietary guidelines are at odds for anyone on the food program. It is confusing to parents. I have to explain it constantly to them. It's confusing to providers, too.

Mother isn't confused. She's actually completely against cows milk. She only wants him to have almond milk, coconut milk, or toddler formula. I can't do almond or coconut milk, she took the formula.

She also said that the cheerios cheerios that I serve is poisoning the children with pesticides. She wanted to bring her own food and I told her she could if she provided enough for everyone.

[Michael]

Sounds like she should be raising her child at home with such strict dietary restrictions. She is too much trouble for your business and sanity.

[Blackcat31]

.

What can I say to just make it known. This is what I provide. Take it or leave it.

I’d replace him. I don’t see this getting any better.
She’s causing you way too much stress and that’s unfair to you and the other kids.

[Sahm121]

I agree with BC. Her comments already annoyed me and I don’t know her. SHE can’t take him outside after daycare? I’m guessing he is getting too much milk, but that’s because she’s adding to what he’s getting during the day at daycare.

[Cat Herder]

Ok. Sounds like the two of you just need to part ways.

[TwinMama]

My goal is to say something along the lines of...

When he turned one you told me to give him milk. You took the formula. I give him milk at every meal. If a doctor has certain instructions please let me have those in writing. If you're just wanting him to have more water just say that.

As for his lip. There's no mark. He's going to get hurt. He climbs. Not everything has to be someone's fault. Things happen. You might want to consider a nanny. Otherwise I think you're a really nice person and this could work, but he's going to grow and be one of the gang. He does really well and he's going to have off days and nights. It's literally nobody's fault.

Also...I have certain criteria for taking the kids outside. I won't take them out in the rain or when it's a certain temperature or windchill. If this throws him off and he doesn't sleep when not going out that's going to be a problem.

[Sahm121]

At 12 months (up to 24 months), I do still give them formula (in a cup) with all snacks and milk only at meals to prevent relative anemia and encourage better brain development. When they stay overnight, a couple times per month, I also give them formula during the night (evening snack). I give them water, too, and most don't even drink the cow's milk. I really only serve it because the state says I have to. I prefer to give cheese, yogurt, etc.

What she is saying is correct, the way she is applying it to your day may not be.

"The Dietary Guidelines recommend that children aged 12 to 24 months drink 14–16 ounces (up to 2 cups) of whole milk per day." Any more than that in a 24 hour period is bad for their brain development.

isn’t formula considered a milk product? My daughter was failure to thrive and we were told zero formula because the caloric intake wasn’t enough. We’d do whole milk and high calorie mix and high calorie foods.

She’s 10 now so now I’m curious if that’s changed.

[Cat Herder]

Failure to thrive is a different thing, entirely. Completely different metabolisms, goals and disease processes. Calories vs nutritional content.

[Sahm121]

I'm actually following the state food guidelines. Plus, when he went in for his 1year appointment the doctor told her that he was to have milk. I'm literally doing what I was told by her when he turned one. She took all his formula home with her and told me to start giving him milk per doctors order. Now the doctor said something different all of a sudden?

She was hoping that the doctor would put him on toddler formula which was not the case.

I give him milk 3 times a day. She's aware of this.

None of us are nutritionists. So I do what the rules state, and the instructions I'm given. I'm not going to have her change the rules when it suits her and tell me that his issues are my fault.

Im guessing your milk 3x a day isn’t full 8oz cups. Maybe measure what you’re serving and start offering water too. If she wants to do toddler formula, why doesn’t she just do it at home? I’m not understanding how that can impact you at all and why she’s trying to make anything your fault

[TwinMama]

Im guessing your milk 3x a day isn’t full 8oz cups. Maybe measure what you’re serving and start offering water too. If she wants to do toddler formula, why doesn’t she just do it at home? I’m not understanding how that can impact you at all and why she’s trying to make anything your fault

They aren't 8oz you're right. Mom has "Mom Guilt" for dropping him off at daycare. She was super upset when I moved him to one nap, and a nap mat. Her whole world was lost. Especially when I told her that he doesn't use his sleep sack. I showed her a picture of him sleeping soundly and she didn't like it.

I feel like she wants to feel in control when she's not here and that's her way of doing it.

Him hurting his lip you would have thought he broke his arm. I'm not even joking.

[TwinMama]

isn’t formula considered a milk product? My daughter was failure to thrive and we were told zero formula because the caloric intake wasn’t enough. We’d do whole milk and high calorie mix and high calorie foods.

She’s 10 now so now I’m curious if that’s changed.

it is considered a milk product according to Mayo Clinic.

[GirlMomma]

I had a family like this, too. I had no idea about continuing formula past 12MO until CH explained the benefits of it. DD3’s ped had us switch to whole milk at 12MO, but suggested 16 oz max/day because it could constipate her. It sounds like DCM doesn’t want to continue with formula, she just wants control. If DCM doesn’t like the rules you have to follow that are required by the state, then it’s time for her to part ways. What you said will work just fine IMO.

My DCK was 14 months old when I got him. He still had a pacifier, still drank formula from a bottle, and ate baby food. Yes, actual baby food. I told them I wasn’t spoon feeding a toddler... that’s when they told me he was “just starting” table food so he could eat what the others ate. Like your child, he was still waking up several times a night for a bottle after 18MO. About the time he was 17MO, I sent a picture of him eating lunch one day. They were shocked that I sat an entire plate of food in front him with a fork - they didn’t know he could use one.

They still carried him in and out without any shoes on, even though he was perfectly capable of walking on his own. When I suggested the child go up a size in diapers (because I was dealing with multiple leaks each week) DCD was practically crying about it. Literally.

After the 15 month pediatrician appointment, they did away with the formula and switched to milk - in a bottle. I quit the bottle. He got his milk in a cup. I sent all the bottles home.

Around 20 months, I quit letting him have a pacifier while he was here. About 22ish months, I was handing it back to the parent at drop off, it wasn’t allowed in my daycare at all.

My point is, I just stopped doing what they did at home (besides the formula, I followed that as long as they wanted) and did what was in the best interest of the child for his development. DCK thrives now at 26MO.

[Valerie928]

We're the only species that consume milk beyond infancy. Not relevant but we don't need milk. We need calcium.

[TwinMama]

Yes! Exactly this!!! This sounds like her. I took away the pacifier, bottles, morning nap, sleep sack, started nap mats...all she had a difficult time with. She really very much wants to be in control. She was thrown off for two days when the doctor told her to switch to milk.

The little boy is great if Mom would let him grow. She carries him everywhere and he's finally now stopped whining when I make him walk just through my house.

[GirlMomma]

I have never seen anyone like this family. They’d purposely talk like a baby to DCK and other DCKs I have. For example, little was “wittle” and if my name was Ms. Linda, the DCF would say/encourage DCK to call me Ms. Wen-duh. It made me cringe! 🥴 I could go on and on… they are so weird. But they’re a great family with a great kid!

If you want to keep this family (like I did) do what is developmentally appropriate for the child and let DCM parent however she wants to… AT HOME! Provide her with educational information on your state’s rules and regulations, the food program requirements, etc. and tell her if DCK needs a different diet, it needs to be in writing from the doctor so you can provide it to the state.

As far as the other stuff, I wouldn’t engage with her. Just say okay. If she mentions him not going outside again, I would just say “Well, there’s still plenty of daylight for you to take him outside when you get home. I bet he’ll be good and worn out for bedtime then!”