Do You Say Something?

[Sahm121]

We do a lot of activities and sometimes ask families to contribute: for Halloween we asked for kids to come in costumes and for parents to send goody bags. I even listed how many to send. All my families are well off financially.

-,one sent the incorrect amount (excluded my dd, who is a school ager, but she’s included In all daycare things. They’ve been with me 3 years)

- one sent incorrect amount (excluded her dd! And the teachers). same one also didn’t send a costume because dd almost 2 wouldn’t notice.

we did the party today and had a parade for our neighbors. I didn’t have time to go dig through my stuff for a costume so dcg had to go without one and it broke my heart:

what can I do to avoid it in the future? I listed exactly how many kids and it’s the First time I’ve had a family (especially long term family) not give the teachers a candy bar.

i have 3 huge things for the holidays where parents all signed up for things and now I’m worried we’ll have some Not participate: I don’t want to cancel events because they’re the highlight of my season you know?

[Momboss]

I dont require any family to participate because I dont know their financial situations. I simply say they CAN wear a costume or bring treats to share. I dont count myself in any of it. I dont need candy. I provide enough candy to compensate for anyone who may not bring something.

[GirlMomma]

I never ask parents to send anything in for our parties. I provide a headcount incase anyone chooses to bring treats. The headcount does not include myself or DD10.

I do have one mother that brings a gift basket for me every time we have a party and I am so grateful she thinks of me.

[Blackcat31]

We do a lot of activities and sometimes ask families to contribute: for Halloween we asked for kids to come in costumes and for parents to send goody bags. I even listed how many to send. All my families are well off financially.

-,one sent the incorrect amount (excluded my dd, who is a school ager, but she’s included In all daycare things. They’ve been with me 3 years)

- one sent incorrect amount (excluded her dd! And the teachers). same one also didn’t send a costume because dd almost 2 wouldn’t notice.

we did the party today and had a parade for our neighbors. I didn’t have time to go dig through my stuff for a costume so dcg had to go without one and it broke my heart:

what can I do to avoid it in the future? I listed exactly how many kids and it’s the First time I’ve had a family (especially long term family) not give the teachers a candy bar.

i have 3 huge things for the holidays where parents all signed up for things and now I’m worried we’ll have some Not participate: I don’t want to cancel events because they’re the highlight of my season you know?

Honestly given your situation I would have asked the parent that didn't send a costume with her child to either come get the child before you planned to do the parade for neighbors or maybe asked them to go back home and get one since it puts you in an awkward position and even though 2 yr old maybe didn't notice, the other kids as well as you and your neighbors all did.

As for the parents that didn't send the proper amount of requested items I would mention it in an upcoming memo or newsletter. Maybe explain how hard it is when parents assume that no one will notice or care but that not fully participating when they agreed to do so makes you feel unheard as well as disrespected because you are the one left explaining it to the others or having to figure out how to "fix" it quickly.

At the very least those that agreed to participate should have and those that just didn't plan on doing so could have talked with you ahead of time so you had time to figure out how you were going to manage it.

[Sahm121]

I’ll change it for next year, but I had talked to all the parents and they met us outside and once everyone arrived, the parade started. I talked to dcm the day before at pick up and she made a comment about how DD wouldn’t notice but I said to please send the costume because I usually use the Halloween pictures for decorations at daycare. She even confirmed how many kids…

I was able to “fix” the treats situation because two other moms sent extra and I had extra stuff but it still left me in a weird position. It just felt so disrespectful to label All the bags and skip my DD. She’s never done that before.


I guess for next year I can do the parade later and request the costumes the day before:

[Blackcat31]

Sahm121 Since DCM had said the day before that she would send a costume, I wouldve been temtped to turn her away when she showed up for drop off without it.

It IS disrespectful to disregard your requests and to not follow through with something they agreed to already and to not consider their child's or the other children in this scenario.

[Sahm121]

I dont require any family to participate because I dont know their financial situations. I simply say they CAN wear a costume or bring treats to share. I dont count myself in any of it. I dont need candy. I provide enough candy to compensate for anyone who may not bring something.

I should’ve added that in this area it’s common to have families to contribute and send in treats. What I am doing is not uncommon.

[Springvalley]

We have a sign up sheet on our parent board to avoid this situation, we even send out reminders before hand and we also ask parents to send their child's costume and then we will put it on them before the event. At Christmas we do the exact same thing as above and we do a gift exchange but how we do it is boys bring girls gifts & girls bring boy gifts.

[Sahm121]

We have a sign up sheet on our parent board to avoid this situation, we even send out reminders before hand and we also ask parents to send their child's costume and then we will put it on them before the event. At Christmas we do the exact same thing as above and we do a gift exchange but how we do it is boys bring girls gifts & girls bring boy gifts.

That’s the thing. They DID sign up. That’s why it felt disrespectful. You signed up and it had the count. I texted everyone the night before too. I asked in a poll if it was easier to bring them in costumes or send them. They ALL replied…

i think for Xmas I’ll ask for things 2 days before the party, but then I’m not sure what to do for the ones that sign up and then don’t participate.

[littlefriends]

Like BC said, don’t let them participate if they signed up and didn’t follow through. Call for pick up or turn them away at the door. A lot of parents just don’t care all that much until you MAKE them care.

[Alwaysgreener]

I don't know why you put yourself through this much stress. I wouldn't want to deal with a parent, treats or costumes.

For next year, Go online and buy dress up clothes for your daycare. Dress the kids in the dress up clothes. You can get a variety of clothes rotate them in your daycare or just use them for Halloween.

Even if they participated last year and they are trying to get out of it this year it may be because their beliefs on Halloween have changed and they just don't know how to say it to you.

My husband does not like Halloween tradition, he has his reasons but he does allow our children to go trunk or treating at church. But not everybody that has the same reasons as him, allows their child to dress up. And I know for me it is awkward to say we don't do the Santa thing or the bunny thing for the tooth fairy thing and I avoid those conversations as much as possible. I also don't force my anti Santa/bunny/fairy on others.

Because I am against those imaginary creature I also don't celebrate that creature in daycare. If my family's want to do it at home that's their choice but here we decorate for Christmas without a jolly old man insight or that stupid elf.

IMO as a parent I want childhood memories to be celebrated with me and not others.

Then again as a former foster parents taking somebody else's kids that had memories that they did not share with me was awkward when they were telling the story to others and others would ask you follow up questions. Or watching the parents face when the children told them about things that we did together and they weren't a part of was heartbreaking.

[Blackcat31]

In your situation then you wouldn’t have signed up or agreed to participate if it wasn’t something you believed in or celebrate. Sahm121 can correct me if I’m wrong but I think her stress is they agreed shortly before the event and then didn’t. That would irk me as well

[Sahm121]

The stress is that they agreed then didn’t do it. I have boxes and boxes of dress up clothes and can provide it; but that wasn’t the agreement.

Having these family supported activities is what sets me apart from other daycares. The parents get excited when they’re the ones that can come and ‘help’ or help With organizing. This isn’t something new and it’s something they all get excited about. My annoyance was that they said they’d do it and even confirmed, but then Didn’t do it, and never apologized for it:

[QueenBee]

Because of this experience that I too have had in the past, I don't depend on parents for such things anymore. Instead, I charge them an annual activity/enrichment fee which is used to purchase items for celebrations and activities.

So for Halloween, I purchase the treats and items for gift bags myself which they've already paid for. Costume is optional, and children w/o a costume can select something from the dress up stash in the dramatic area.

[Sahm121]

Because of this experience that I too have had in the past, I don't depend on parents for such things anymore. Instead, I charge them an annual activity/enrichment fee which is used to purchase items for celebrations and activities.

So for Halloween, I purchase the treats and items for gift bags myself which they've already paid for. Costume is optional, and children w/o a costume can select something from the dress up stash in the dramatic area.

thanks. I am debating charging an activity/enrichment fee next year. It just makes me sad because it caught me so off guard that i couldn’t fix it, but even then, it wasn’t my issue to fix and that just made me sad for the child,

[QueenBee]

I would have been very upset about this too. I would tell them about the disappointment to the children and the inconvenience to you they caused by not doing what they signed up to do.

[e.j.]

If you want to continue having holiday celebrations with parents donating, I'd go with what others have suggested and set the deadline to bring things in a day or two ahead of the day you actually want to hold the party. That way you know you have what you need or you can get out to buy it if you need to before the big day. I stopped asking for parent contributions because I found I couldn't be sure everyone would do their part. Some parents were very reliable; others not so much.

Now I plan more low-key celebrations - crafts and activities with the holiday theme and I buy a special treat for snack time, but I provide them myself. For Halloween, I tell the parents they can choose to bring the kids in costume or not. I got tired of having to worry about costumes going home in the condition they came in. I understood parents who worried that the costume would be trashed before Halloween night. They wanted the kids to look cute for their grandparents that night and for when they went trick-or-treating but it was too much stress. I've enjoyed the holidays a lot more since I started doing it the way I do know. I give you credit for making it so much fun for your kids, though!

[littlefriends]

I do a sign up sheet. One of my dc parents signed up to bring strawberries. Fri am (day of party) she texts that dcg has pink eye and won’t be there. She ended the text “we’ll see you Monday”. I texted back that we still needed the strawberries and could she please be sure to have them dropped off no later than 9:30. She did so and I was glad it didn’t need to go any further but I wanted her to understand she signed up to bring that and so we needed it here!

[Springvalley]

I do a sign up sheet. One of my dc parents signed up to bring strawberries. Fri am (day of party) she texts that dcg has pink eye and won’t be there. She ended the text “we’ll see you Monday”. I texted back that we still needed the strawberries and could she please be sure to have them dropped off no later than 9:30. She did so and I was glad it didn’t need to go any further but I wanted her to understand she signed up to bring that and so we needed it here!

If I were another parent & I found out you texted said parent of sick kid requesting an item for the party and said parent showed up knowing kid was sick, I would've been ticked because if kid showed up & my kid was around kid and then ended up sick i would've been even more ticked because to me thats totally disrespectful!!

[Alwaysgreener]

Springvalley I am not sure why the strawberries were that important. Pink eye or not, she insisted on the parent taking the child out of the house when ill or that the parent finds an alternative person to do it for her.

We talk about our clients having backup plans, shouldn't we have the same thing, a backup plan?

I do not know about everyone else but my illness policy stresses that it is in the child's best interest to rest at home.

[Blackcat31]

Unless the child stayed and played with "your" child, there would be no real risk of exposure. Plus we all know that when one kids gets sick almost all the others do as well.
Having a parent drop off something wouldn't be a big deal to me at all since it was more than likely in/out or a quick hand off at the doorway.

I agree with resting at home if the child was seriously ill but pink eye is such a mild thing that it causes discomfort for the child verses needing to rest more than anything. Most schools don't exclude for it because school aged kids can manage it on their own whereas I exclude for it because my DCK are under 5 and still put things in their mouths etc....

My illness policy and my reasons for exclusion are more to do with the need for extra care and supervision, sanitary/cleaning issues and the continuous cycle of illness and not so much about spread since most illnesses are contagious long before the ill person is exposed so most kids have been exposed to an illness long before a sick kid needs to staay home or is excluded.

[littlefriends]

Mom still lives with her parents who both work from home. No sick child was put in harm’s way. ☺️

[Rockgirl]

I have really great parents right now, who truly go over and above. I do have to say….I can’t imagine being upset about parents not bringing me a candy bar, though. It’s nice when they think of us, but I’m definitely not counting on candy bars from each parent.

[Sahm121]

I have really great parents right now, who truly go over and above. I do have to say….I can’t imagine being upset about parents not bringing me a candy bar, though. It’s nice when they think of us, but I’m definitely not counting on candy bars from each parent.

I think it depends on location/community. I have always sent treats for my kids teachers and I’ve always gotten treats. It’s always something small (a coloring page or note from the child, a snack size bar, etc.). It’s not that I was upset, but more so disappointed because it was lots of little things that one family agreed to do, yet didn’t do.