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**GirlMomma** · 11-10-2022, 06:12 PM

I have a DCP that works at a bank. DCP is off EVERY federal holiday. Guess who’s kid I have EVERY federal holiday? In the interview, DCP was keeping DCK home on bank holidays. But once DCP got a taste of “freedom” (I was the first person outside of Gma to have the kid) I got stuck with the child so DCP could have “me-time.”

I go back and forth about closing for every federal holiday in 2023 because it annoys the crap out of me. In the same sense - it isn’t fair to other parents that don’t have bankers hours.

**Annalee** · 11-10-2022, 06:34 PM

JaeB, I originally closed all Holidays to be with my own kids when they were small but now that my own are grown, I close for the reason you posted; it irritated me so rather than be irritated, I fixed the issue....I closed. I'm closed tomorrow and a parent asked me what was so important about tomorrow; to which I just smile and move on. Not worth the irritation now, I just deal with it as best I can!

**Blackcat31** · 11-10-2022, 07:29 PM

Meh… sometimes the older sibling(s) deserve mom/dad/home time separate from younger siblings.

Family time is important but family isn’t always a singular unit. “No school” days are perfect days to spend some one on one/quality time with older siblings.

Especially since the younger ones suck up so much time and attention due to their age.

If you’re open and it’s a normal day that you would have the younger siblings in care, I see no issue with it at all.

**JaeB** · 11-11-2022, 05:23 AM

Blackcat31 I'm sorry but I'm definitely going to have to disagree with you there as a parent I don't believe you get to pick and choose whether or not you want to hang around your older kids as opposed to your younger kids, they're all your kids!!!!. Now granted the younger ones could be annoying but that's nobody's fault but the parents. how their children choose to act, react , or display their emotions or act is all in how the parents raise them. I think that's the problem now daycare is used as a fallback for parents who don't want to be parents so therefore we as daycare providers become way more than what most is willing to do. You also have to consider how the youngers feel when they see nobody getting up for school but them ,the kids all getting up playing , and eating cereal but them ,the idea of them going all these places without them? Now let's consider the idea of me being open every holiday except for the major ones at what point do I do what I have to do? At what point do we expect the parent to understand that sometimes we're tired also and we're also tired because of kids that aren't ours? at what point do we give the responsibility back to these parents? You can maybe considered by a case by case basis like the family that I'm talking about have three kids that all go to the same school so it's very noticeable when they don't go anywhere and the baby that I take care of who is actually way more mature than the other three maybe with the exception of the oldest who's 12. Now baby girl is here every single day knowing that our brothers and sisters are home which have been at least two other times this week and of course she was here but at the same time Mom keeps commenting on the fact that our daughter's hair is not done that she has to buy her more clothes and supposed to other things that she needs to do for her daughter but choose is not to do because she is doing so much running around with the older three. Mom was off and went and got her hair done yesterday and it looks beautiful meanwhile baby girls hair is matted, breaking off, and she's itching in her head constantly. Now Mom is off today with the other three. Where in this storyline does it say baby girl is included??? Next year I will be closed all holidays,!!!!

**JaeB** · 11-11-2022, 05:31 AM

Annalee as you should because as soon as we close because we can't get anything done with children here or because parents have so many reasons as to why they have to do this and do that we end up closing for the day and then we have parents mad about that. I always read from all the providers that we don't work for the parents but can you really say that if we're always giving them what they want? we change our rules for them, we've bent the rules for them, we get rid of rules for them, and if we don't do what they want we risk losing income because it's either their way or the highway. and if that is the case then we might as well consider us the parents employees

**JaeB** · 11-11-2022, 05:35 AM

At what point do us providers understand that these are not our children???? At what point do us as providers start to care about ourselves and our families as opposed to putting someone else's family before your own?? I'm sorry but I refuse to be used in ways that they will not use themselves

**JaeB** · 11-11-2022, 06:55 AM

Update it is 8:51 and Mom just text me that they woke up late but they are on the way they are coming from a whole different side of town. Wow an almost perfect example of why the youngest should have stayed home smh . Now I have the very unnecessary task of letting her know that cut off time is 9 am regardless of what her schedule is at home 🙄

**JaeB** · 11-11-2022, 06:58 AM

BeeNature I think that is exactly what I'll be doing this following school year . I actually follow the school that is literally a block away from me and in my school district for weather-related closings so I might as well add in all the other days except teacher inservice because I have no clue what that is 🤣🤣 oh and it's 8:58 as I'm writing this and she still not here 🤷🏾‍♀️

**JaeB** · 11-11-2022, 07:21 AM

Final update: family came in 9:06 and did not have the required temperature (as long as these illnesses keep popping up I will require a temperature prior to anyone coming into my home I show concern at 98.9 have them retake the temperature to see if it goes down in about 10 to 15 minutes if it stays the same I put the family on notice that they may be getting a call back later if it goes up they for sure stay home) with child already ate breakfast when it was already prepared here . All of this could have been avoided if SHE STAYED HOME!!!!!

**Blackcat31** · 11-11-2022, 08:41 AM

Originally posted by JaeB View Post

Blackcat31 I'm sorry but I'm definitely going to have to disagree with you there as a parent I don't believe you get to pick and choose whether or not you want to hang around your older kids as opposed to your younger kids, they're all your kids!!!!. Now granted the younger ones could be annoying but that's nobody's fault but the parents. how their children choose to act, react , or display their emotions or act is all in how the parents raise them. I think that's the problem now daycare is used as a fallback for parents who don't want to be parents so therefore we as daycare providers become way more than what most is willing to do.

As a parent, I took opportunities to spend individual time with my kids even if that meant leaving one of them in the care of someone else while I did so because each of my children deserved time alone with me/dad and it had nothing to do with my younger kid being annoying. They were simply younger and taking a toddler or preschooler to the trampoline park or the roller rink was difficult as those activities were way above their developmental abilities or outside their interests.

I feel as a parent it is my right to pick and choose which children (all/some/one/none) to spend the available time I have with. It's unfair to my oldest that just because there is a sibling that they immediately get no one on one time or have to always share available time. My children are part of a family but they are also individuals that have individual needs and interests. Dragging a younger sibling along for activities that interest my older child would be time wasted and an unenjoyed experience for everyone and expecting my older child to have to only do activities and outings the younger sibling can participate in is just as silly.

Originally posted by JaeB View Post

You also have to consider how the youngers feel when they see nobody getting up for school but them ,the kids all getting up playing , and eating cereal but them ,the idea of them going all these places without them?

I imagine its hard for the older siblings to see the younger one get dropped off at daycare where they get to play and the older ones have to go to school and do school work. I imagine it's hard to want your parent to spend some time helping you with homework but they cant because they are busy feeding/bathing etc the younger sibling. I imagine its hard to be told you always have to wait, be quiet, slow down, be nice etc because of your younger sibling.

Originally posted by JaeB View Post

Now let's consider the idea of me being open every holiday except for the major ones at what point do I do what I have to do? At what point do we expect the parent to understand that sometimes we're tired also and we're also tired because of kids that aren't ours? at what point do we give the responsibility back to these parents?

You don't. Managing your needs isn't your DC parent's responsibility. If you need time off because you're tired or because you've worked a dozen stressful days in a row isn't their problem YOU need to decide what days you need or want to close and then do so.

Personally, I think these are two separate issues. You have an idea of what parenting should look like but the parents in your care aren't living by that and it's upsetting.

I understand. I really do. I've been there. But I learned I can't control others. I can only control myself and live according to my beliefs. It is my responsibility to know when I am tired and need a mental and/or physical break.

Once I stopped trying to apply my life philosophies to others (my parenting beliefs as well) my life suddenly became less stressful and less messy over all.

Originally posted by JaeB View Post

You can maybe considered by a case by case basis like the family that I'm talking about have three kids that all go to the same school so it's very noticeable when they don't go anywhere and the baby that I take care of who is actually way more mature than the other three maybe with the exception of the oldest who's 12. Now baby girl is here every single day knowing that our brothers and sisters are home which have been at least two other times this week and of course she was here

If this has always been the norm, then baby girl knows nothing else. This is simply her life. She can't be sad about something she does not know she is missing. It's only sad for us as adults/caregivers/parents because we know there is an alternative or something different. This little girl does not. Had she been included every time all the time and then that suddenly changed, it would be different but this is her norm. She is being taken care of by someone that is consistently in her life every day. That is all she knows.

Originally posted by JaeB View Post

Next year I will be closed all holidays,!!!!

...and that is my point. If having siblings in care on no school days is not something you agree with, add it into your contract that when school kids are home, younger kids need to be as well. If parents bringing their kids to care when they are off bothers you, then write into your contract that care is only available when the parent is working. If you are tired or stressed or need a day off, take one. Don't wait for parents to notice you are tired and need a break...it will never happen.

I am not trying to be rude, harsh or argue. I am not even trying to change your viewpoint. I am just saying that it's hard and stressful work trying to get parents to do/say/feel the things you think they should and 9 out of 10 times it isn't going to happen.

There is a reason you decided to be a child care provider/educator and a reason they decided to be working parents that use this service. Their beliefs and philosophies regarding parenting aren't the same as yours because they were raised differently than you and are on a different journey through life.

This job is hard and the parents will drive you crazy but its a whole lot easier if you always remember to do what you need to do and let your clients do the same.

**Blackcat31** · 11-11-2022, 08:42 AM

BTW I am open today and have 8 kids here. 6 of them have parents at home because they are off.

I chose to be open.

**Annalee** · 11-11-2022, 08:46 AM

FWIW.....I called a state person about some TTA on a subject and she further on in the conversation said "I'm changing daycares so now my kids can go to daycare during my pto off days during the Christmas Holidays....

I thought WHAT

.....She said the daycare they were originally at was going to be closed

Even my niece will say things like, my kids are coming if you are OPEN (I'm closed today)....and she works from home so???? It just is what it is and we set our own schedules.

**JaeB** · 11-11-2022, 10:04 AM

Blackcat31 unfortunately baby girl has never been to daycare and baby girl is 4 . I am the first to care for her and she's only been here for a month and a couple of days so this is not her Norm. her Norm is to be with Mommy all the time or to be with Daddy all the time or the whole family as a whole so that throws that theory out the window. Now I do not put my beliefs and my morals on other parents but I do make sure they align somewhat so that me and the parents can have the best relationship possible. How they parent is how they parent and how I choose to care for children is how I care for children and I definitely do not expect them to know when or if I need a break because I will take it regardless of what's going on because my sanity and my health is of upmost importance as well because let's be honest if I get sick and I'm not well and the children are in my care who's going to take care of them if something happens to me? I also have reserved the right to close if only one child will be in care and these are things that they know Now as far as how parents are with the staying home thing and all that at the end of the day I always preach to my parents to make some time for themselves even when the children are home that's why they have their own bedrooms that's why we encourage families to have play rooms we encourage families to get their children familiar with creating and maintaining their own spaces that way Mom and Dad can get a breather. This mom is tired and is using both legs and feet to make sure her family is good so for her own sanity it might have been okay to stay in the bed for a little while it might have been okay to not make breakfast this morning it might have been okay to not get into the shower until 1:00 or 2:00 or 3:00 in the afternoon she can't do that if she still has one little person that's outside of the house that she still has to run back and forth for. So don't get me wrong I don't ever want to make it seem like I'm tired or I need a break or what have you because I'm going to take it regardless but I'm all about taking preventive measures baby girl came in this day highly upset because not only did she not get to stay home mom brought all the brothers and sisters to drop her off I had to go out to the van and assist baby girl was coming in the building because she was not coming she was not even promised in early pick up. She's the only one here today so she was able to watch movies and kind of just have a free day which is all I can offer her when the problem is not stemming from here extending from home. I do hold hardly know where you're coming from I just think that your experiences with parents and my experience with parents are two totally different things considering where I come from and what we deal with here on the East Coast but hey everybody's going to do what works for them including me

**Blackcat31** · 11-11-2022, 06:15 PM

Originally posted by JaeB View Post

Blackcat31 unfortunately baby girl has never been to daycare and baby girl is 4 . I am the first to care for her and she's only been here for a month and a couple of days so this is not her Norm. her Norm is to be with Mommy all the time or to be with Daddy all the time or the whole family as a whole so that throws that theory out the window. Now I do not put my beliefs and my morals on other parents but I do make sure they align somewhat so that me and the parents can have the best relationship possible. How they parent is how they parent and how I choose to care for children is how I care for children and I definitely do not expect them to know when or if I need a break because I will take it regardless of what's going on because my sanity and my health is of upmost importance as well because let's be honest if I get sick and I'm not well and the children are in my care who's going to take care of them if something happens to me? I also have reserved the right to close if only one child will be in care and these are things that they know Now as far as how parents are with the staying home thing and all that at the end of the day I always preach to my parents to make some time for themselves even when the children are home that's why they have their own bedrooms that's why we encourage families to have play rooms we encourage families to get their children familiar with creating and maintaining their own spaces that way Mom and Dad can get a breather. This mom is tired and is using both legs and feet to make sure her family is good so for her own sanity it might have been okay to stay in the bed for a little while it might have been okay to not make breakfast this morning it might have been okay to not get into the shower until 1:00 or 2:00 or 3:00 in the afternoon she can't do that if she still has one little person that's outside of the house that she still has to run back and forth for. So don't get me wrong I don't ever want to make it seem like I'm tired or I need a break or what have you because I'm going to take it regardless but I'm all about taking preventive measures baby girl came in this day highly upset because not only did she not get to stay home mom brought all the brothers and sisters to drop her off I had to go out to the van and assist baby girl was coming in the building because she was not coming she was not even promised in early pick up. She's the only one here today so she was able to watch movies and kind of just have a free day which is all I can offer her when the problem is not stemming from here extending from home. I do hold hardly know where you're coming from I just think that your experiences with parents and my experience with parents are two totally different things considering where I come from and what we deal with here on the East Coast but hey everybody's going to do what works for them including me

Ok. I guess I’m not understanding what the issue is …

I was just commenting on what you posted.

Im also confused as to what being on the east coast means in comparison to other locations in regards to parenting and child care?

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