Should I Cut Ties?

[GirlMomma]

Blackcat31 truthfully, I have no reason to term besides his behavior in the mornings. He has some kinks to work out, like not cleaning up after himself, not sitting when needed, touching things and getting into things he shouldn’t, etc. but he’s 22 months old. I can work with him on these things. The thing is, I am not getting the opportunity to work on these other little things as he’s only here for 75 minutes after nap.

I was wondering about the temporary fix thing, too. They did enough to see what was causing the issue but aren’t willing to keep it consistent.

They pay on time, they follow their contracted schedule and so far, have followed my illness policy to a T. I keep making up new things to try because they have been a decent family to have that I’m afraid I won’t be able to make the decision to say enough is enough and let them know. KWIM?

[Annalee]

I do think you know the answer.....you got this!

[Blackcat31]

Do you WANT to keep them other than the sleep/cry issue? If you do, then yes send him home EVERY SINGLE time he has a "rough day". Bad behavior on Monday because of THEIR lack of routine is in NO way your issue to have to deal with. It's not the other kids' issue either.
If you are mentally and physically drained due to discussing, managing or just focusing on this issue, then term. So many parents fix it temporarily and then act like they are clueless as to why its happening again. Many parents will only do the bare minimum so you stop complaining about it. Bottom line is if you don't think they will actually make a fundamental change for REAL, then that is your answer. And, yes.... 2 days out of a month is NOT improvement.

[GirlMomma]

I think I know the answer but I want to make sure I am not making a swift decision.

Last week, DCB had two great days. They said we’re working with him to get him on a sleep routine and a morning routine. Friday was rough until he napped, then he was fine.

Yesterday, DCM came in and first thing said “It’s a Monday so I expect it to be rough,” already setting the tone for the day because she knew it wasn’t going to be a good day. He cried off and on for over 2 hours. Then he ate and went to sleep. Woke up just fine.

This morning DCM comes in and says he wouldn’t go to sleep at 8. He was still awake at 9. She let her husband put him down and she “doesn't know” what time he went to bed. How do you not communicate with your husband when your child goes to bed? I call bs.

So far, he hasn’t started his screaming crap… but he’s been here less than an hour and I’m within eyesight. If I have the same day today, I am ready to tell them when their last day. Is this fair?? Two days out of the last four weeks doesn’t seem like an improvement, IMO.

OR would you just send him home when he’s “having a rough day”? I’ve only sent him home once.

[GirlMomma]

I’ve been praising them like I do my toddlers - trust me! 😂😂😂😂

[e.j.]

Hopefully the weekend doesn’t screw this up for me!!!

Update the parents, let them know what a huge change you're seeing in him already and definitely let them know you feel he can thrive with you if what you're seeing continues. Positive reinforcement works for adults, too. lol They need to hear that what they're doing at home really is making a difference. Remind them to keep up whatever they're doing over the weekend because you want to keep the momentum going.

[GirlMomma]

Rockgirl thank you! Me too!! I think he could really thrive here.

[Rockgirl]

So glad he’s doing better! Hope he continues to improve.

[GirlMomma]

Here’s the update nobody asked for 😂

Without a formal action plan, the parents have done what they needed to do the last two days. I think sending him home the other day was a wake-up call. He’s going to bed early and waking up about 10.5-11 hours later, sometimes on his own. They are going to gradually wake him up earlier until he can handle arriving at 7:45 without an issue.

It’s. Been. So. Peaceful!!!!!!! I will get the occasional 22 month old fit when he’s redirected, I can work with that. I’ve noticed he’s eating better, he’s engaging more with his peers and he’s following me around less. He’ll still sneak a peek around the corner while I’m making lunch, but he’s not under my feet, screaming. LOL I believe that will get better/go away entirely once he’s more comfortable. At nap time, he’ll lay down on the cot and talk to himself for about 10-15 mins. I keep shh’ing him. It doesn’t seem to bother the others, they go right to sleep, so for now, it’s not a deal breaker. He’ll sleep for an hour and wake up. I shush him and he’ll go right back to sleep once he sees I’m still there. I assume/am hopeful once he’s more comfortable here, he’ll sleep thru nap altogether - I have seen this behavior before in other kids.

Hopefully the weekend doesn’t screw this up for me!!!

[GirlMomma]

e.j. Thank you!!

[e.j.]

Just seeing this now. I think it sounds good if your state requires you to have a formal action plan on file to prove that you've tried to work with the parents and child. You shouldn't have to spell it out for the parents step by step like this but unfortunately, in some cases, you do if you want to see change happen.

If you're not required to have a written plan, I agree with what BC said. The parents either want this to work or they don't. If they want it to work out, they're going to have to make changes at home that allow dcb to get a better night's sleep so he can function the next day. If they ask for advice, I'd tell them what you said above. Hopefully if you give them a deadline and a warning that you'll need to term if things don't change by that date, they'll get on the stick and make some changes.

[GirlMomma]

Blackcat31 that sounds nice 🥰😂

[Blackcat31]

Just keep telling parents he needs sleep.
Use your experiences as proof, he’s happy after rest.

Tell parents figure it out or you’ll keep sending him home when too tired and will eventually terminate care. The ball is in their court.

Use the deadline for you. If he hasn’t gotten better in x days.
Give yourself a pass. Term and continue working towards harmony lol! 🥰

[GirlMomma]

Thank you, BC! DH thought it was too much as well because it’s their job to figure out what works for their child.

[GirlMomma]

Another update on today…

He arrived before 8:00 and was fine until another family arrived. Then he lost it. One-on-one time wouldn’t calm him down, a quiet corner with fidgets toys didn’t work and telling him when I was leaving the room made it worse. Because he was rubbing his eyes and yawning, I put him down on his cot for a nap. When I woke him up, he was happy and interacting with the other kids for about 30 minutes before he lost it again.

Since it was close to lunch and nap. I updated DCP. DCP asked if they should come and pick him up, I told them no unless he was a disruption at nap. He whimpered/whined between bites at lunch.
Laid down at nap and tossed and turned for an hour at, quietly. He finally fell asleep and napped for about 90 minutes. When he woke up, he was a completely different kid again. Happy, interacting and playing. Until he was redirected a few times, then he started whining again. I told him to “stop it” and he would.