Debating What To Do

[INnewbie]

I would love to help her for free, but I know that she’ll both take advantage of it (and as much as I love them, my every other weekend that I don’t watch kids we try to keep to just my boyfriend and myself), and with the ratio I’m allowed I genuinely can’t afford to watch her kids for free.
I’ve had a bad habit of allowing myself to be walked all over, but as I’ve gotten older I’ve learned to step back. I’ve done a lot to try to help my SIL, she dealt with a lot of DV with her (now ex) husband, they lived with us for months, and we’ve done a lot to do everything we can to make sure the kids are taken care for because we know other than us, shes 100% alone in this town family wise. We’ve been her biggest lifeline and have seen the things the kids have went thru in the past year or 2. They’re like our own children since we don’t have our own, so we can’t help but feel obligated to some degree.
Lately, her actions have really made me step back and I’ve genuinely only been there for the kids lately and that’s it. I’m super frustrated at this point, and adding in the financial part with relying on her kids to fill 1/3rd of my spots has not helped.
I’m just getting ready to start watching her kids again (I explained it more in a response to my above message) and I already feel it’s gonna end in me throwing in the towel. I’m just super picky and feel like I’m going to procrastinate and imma end up just burning myself out until I can find something else

[INnewbie]

I tried to be really working with her, I didn’t have them for so long because she lost her job due to loosing her car in an accident, and she couldn’t find anything close enough to her that she could walk or have a reliable ride. But she is definitely a job hopper and I’m really debating on if it’s even worth the battle.
She just got hired on at a job Friday. Dropped the kids off last minute so they could start. Not a problem, but didn’t have time to talk or chat about it at all so I reminded her what the pay for the 2 kids would be weekly and that we could figure something out on her paying extra for a few paychecks until she’s ahead to match my policy with all other parents. She proceeds to say she’ll have to find a second job because she isn’t gonna make enough to pay me (with the discounted rate I give her) and will have to get a 2nd job…but if I watch all 3 (when the oldest is out of school) in the evenings or overnights it will cost more, and I only offer every other set weekends at an additional cost. She said she’d figure it out, and I just simply don’t trust that she does have it figured out, unless her plan is to just find somebody else for cheaper (which is near impossible with what I’m charging her with the discount).
I just don’t make enough with the small amount of kiddos I want to have to make it worth it if I’m not doing this for my niece and nephew. I tried to tough it out waiting, and now that I’m suppose to start having them again I’m already prepared to throw in the towel

[Blackcat31]

Okay so the other DCM said she would just bring him by for a day or 2 next week while she’s moving since she has to pay for the week anyways-so we’re all good there!
My boyfriend said to replace his sister’s 2 spots for her kids. I just hate the idea of doing this because I started doing this to help her and have her kids in a better situation (the daycare they were going to was a super illegal daycare with an insane ratio where they didn’t get any attention/proper care) so replacing them and making her look for other childcare doesn’t feel right to me. I feel like if I’m not watching my SIL’s kids, then why am I babysitting at all? She’ll happily look for someone else to watch her kids if I threaten her with filling their spots, and I personally don’t want my nieces and nephew in a daycare I’m not okay with or feel is safe for them

If you are doing this just to help SIL, then just help her for free. Don't add business into it at all. It clearly complicates things.

If you need to have income, then YOU must do what YOU must do to pay your bills but I don't understand why someone allows someone else to hold them financially hostage due to personal feelings when that same person clearly does not view you in a similar light.

If she did, she would be bending over backwards to keep you paid as well as informed. You are providing her a service that many childcare clients do not get, which is the automatic trust, love and reassurance that her children are in a good, loving place.

If you are doing this simply because you want to "save" her kids from a bad situation you have to realize and accept that the role of providing that NEEDS to come from their parent and if she isn't concerned with them being in the BEST place possible then you aren't going to save them.

That is a tough lesson many childcare providers have to learn the hard way.

We simply can't 'save' other people's children. You might be able to provide them with good/quality care now, but that isn't going to over ride their parent's influence on their lives over all.

Kudos to you for having such a big heart but you must separate profit from personal fulfilment and follow which ever path you need to achieve the one you are looking for.

[GirlMomma]

After taking a close friend on as a client (like best friends since elementary school) and having it end in a bad term, I won’t even entertain taking family members on as clients. We become emotionally involved. It’s also hard to have those tough conversations with family members as well.

If your SIL doesn’t understand that you have bills to pay and a family to provide for then she isn’t a good client to have. If being a child care provider isn’t something you want to without your niece and nephew, I wouldn’t continue to do it. 💕

[Annalee]

Remember, at the end of the day, we are a business..... It i possible your sil will appreciate you more if you are upfront and explain your expectations for her. She needs some accountability. I now provide care for my niece and two nephews' children and they follow protocol. Sure, I offer some perks for them but NOT with pay!

FYI.....I've also cared for other family members but it didn't go so well, ended with a term. So?

[INnewbie]

Okay so the other DCM said she would just bring him by for a day or 2 next week while she’s moving since she has to pay for the week anyways-so we’re all good there!
My boyfriend said to replace his sister’s 2 spots for her kids. I just hate the idea of doing this because I started doing this to help her and have her kids in a better situation (the daycare they were going to was a super illegal daycare with an insane ratio where they didn’t get any attention/proper care) so replacing them and making her look for other childcare doesn’t feel right to me. I feel like if I’m not watching my SIL’s kids, then why am I babysitting at all? She’ll happily look for someone else to watch her kids if I threaten her with filling their spots, and I personally don’t want my nieces and nephew in a daycare I’m not okay with or feel is safe for them

[Blackcat31]

Ask yourself why YOU are expected to take the financial hit due to someone else’s situation.

This is a tough job from a business standpoint but sadly hugs and kisses don’t pay the bills and if people truly value what you provide for them, you would be their first priority in regards to payment.

Parents will not value you until you value yourself.

[GirlMomma]

Say something like this:

Tuition is due 52 weeks/year, regardless of the child’s attendance. If payment is not received, your spot will be forfeited.

The way you currently have it worded leaves a lot of room for negotiation. With my “parent thinking cap” on, it isn’t clear to me that I need to give you anything more than a week’s notice that your services aren’t needed the following week. Basically, I’m telling you a week in advance I won’t be contracting you. Make sense now?

You have to literally spell it out for people. And when you think you have it spelled out perfectly, someone else will prove you wrong! It took me 3 years to get my contract right.

[e.j.]

But I’m nervous she’s going to get mad or upset.

When I was a new provider, I read a piece of advice that went something like, "In these kinds of situations, someone will be upset. If someone has to be upset, it may as well be the dc parent and not me." That has always stuck with me and has helped me implement policy changes without worrying about whether or not the change might upset parents. You're making the change to your payment policy because they're doing something that upsets you and you need to protect your income. If they get upset, the worst that can happen is they find someone else for daycare. You get to find parents who are a better fit for your program.

I always explain to parents that in order for me to stay in business, I have to ensure that I have a reliable income. If they want me to keep a spot open for their child, they have to pay for it, whether or not the child attends daycare. If they don't want to pay for it, I have to look for someone else who will. While they may not like it, most do seem to understand the logic in that.

[Annalee]

Child Care is based on child care spot; not attendance! tuition is due 52 weeks per year.

If you want to get technical put 'this payment is due and includes all Ms xxxx vacation, personal, professional, emergency days, etc.' I place a list of days but also put 'these are the days of closing but are not limited to' for my own safety as things do come up!

Go over all this in interview as well or parent meeting if you make the change!

[INnewbie]

I thought that my wording in my handbook implied that it was a 52 week/year expectation. I stated in my attendance policy “All children are guaranteed to be in childcare for their contracted hours. Childcare pricing is based on the amount of contracted hours, not the actual amount of hours the child is in the childcare.”
How should this be reworded so if I decide to stick it thru I can give parents an updated contract and handbook to prevent this in the future?

[Annalee]

When I began 30+ years ago, I would have families text on Sunday that grandma would be keeping the kids that week to avoid payment.....I was forced to fix that; this business is my chosen profession but it's not a charity place; this business supports my own family.

[INnewbie]

If it was a little vacation and I was told months in advance, I wouldn’t mind. But the week before telling me I won’t have the kiddo, and it not being the first time blows my mind.

[Annalee]

I've posted this many times but sharing with you INewbie.....it is hard to get contracts/rules where you want them and it took me a LONG time....but my mentor assured me 'if a client wants your services they WILL make it work.....'

I went to 52 weeks pay 20+ years ago and I took some major flack.....had dads and family member come out of the woodwork to question me....I always responded with 'I understand, but this is how ms xxxx will operate in xxxx, feel free to give a two-week notice'. My legs would shake and I would call my mentor before/after as I was so upset. My dad was alive then and he told me 'do NOT do this unless you plan to stick to it, do NOT leave room for negotiation'. I sure do miss him but he set me up for success!!!!! He was business minded but had a way with words as well..... so happy about that!

Then when I went to 9.5 hours a day I had NO kids show up at 6, nor 6:30 so I thought I had lost all my kids; but they all showed up at 7:00 so they could stay till closing time at 4:30.

Just sharing as we have ALL been through this but DO WHAT WORKS FOR YOU!!!!!

[GirlMomma]

I get paid 52 weeks/year, regardless of attendance.

You can offer them two weeks of vacation time/year to use with a 30 day notice if you want - but a lot of daycares in our state have done away with offering free weeks of child care.