Why Do Parents Ask Questions When They Know The Answer?

[Alwaysgreener]

Alwaysgreener, just wondering? are you a licensed provider? Not that it matters as my state also allows for legally unlicensed but some comments make me thing you are unlicensed. Sometimes that is where the miscommunication comes from. No disrespect at all, just a different viewpoint with stress levels when not dealing with added issues from multiple state entities. And I think even though licensing wasn't mentioned in the original post, the unlicensed viewpoint of this doesn't seem as such a big deal, but when you are dealing from a licensing viewpoint, it places the viewpoint on a more notable scale with added stress. Just my take on this issue as when I deal with unlicensed providers here between them and myself. Just different viewpoints at times.

I am licensed. That's funny, I sometimes wonder sometimes if posters are legal or not for their state.

[Annalee]

I am licensed. That's funny, I sometimes wonder sometimes if posters are legal or not for their state.

Your state must be very lenient on what they allow you to do. I get 13 visits from five state entities with a report card annually based on six components.

[Gemma]

Weird! I've had inspections in January and my license expires in October

[Alwaysgreener]

Wow 3 months late.

[Gemma]

or 8-9 mos early

[Blackcat31]

Dcp asked me today ‘do I pay for the time I keep my child home for vacation?’ . Yes. It’s been the same policy for over a decade. Same policy since your older child aged out 2 years ago. Same policy that is in the contract.

why should I take a financial hit so you can go on vacation?

I know parents are asking because they want another answer (besides the one they know) but I usually try to turn it back around on them and reply with "Well, what does your handbook say about payment during vacation?"

They will of course say they haven't read it, can't find it or don't remember .....but I stand firm and just tell them I will email them a copy. Then I let them read it and find the answer themselves. I totally understand not remembering everything in the handbook etc but I also don't have time to simply provide the information they already have access to simply because it's easiest to ask.

I also drill into every parent's head that they are paying for a spot not paying for enrollment or time used. As for discounts I don't give discounts of any kind other than those things I CHOOSE to do or be flexible with. I do see discounts as a financial hit to my business and I see it as parents expecting me to give them something for free when I get nothing for free from them.

Someone used waiving bank fees as an example..... I bank at 3 different banks and only one will allow fees to be refunded but ONLY if I use points I already earned by completing other banking transactions. So technically the fees aren't waived at all....just traded for something else. The other two banks would never waive a fee even if I begged. lol!

[Alwaysgreener]

I take it personally when parents don't want to pay me. Or don't pick up on time. It is a reflection on how much they respect and appreciate my work and quality care of their children. It's nice that you can separate your emotions from your work but as an empathetic provider I understand that not all of us can be so disconnected when dealing with parents. We aren't the bank or a coffee shop. We are sooooo much more. We are cooks, waiters, custodians, referees, nurses, business people and teachers. We deserve respect. Why do we always have to see it from a different point of view. Maybe our clients should see it from our point of view occasionally.

Some people live paycheck to paycheck. It also doesn't make them less. It's nice to prepare for a financial hit but it isn't always possible. Some of us live in areas where we can't charge as much. Some of us have circumstances that take our wages such as medical issues with family members. I'm sure most of us try to plan our finances but it isn't always that easy.

It's interesting that you are focused on me comparing our business with other businesses. I referenced free coffee and Bank fees as things that people try to not pay for , it wasn't about the amount of the bank fee or the amount of the coffee, it was just the first two things that popped in my head when I was posting. It wasn't to lessen child care or what we do it was just a simple comparison are things we try to not pay for.


So maybe here is a better example --- I once saved $400 when I asked for a "special" at a dentist office. He was a small business owner like us, with with a family that he was supporting. My ask was not personal nor disrespectful.

Next topic

If everyone took time to see it from another point of view maybe we would have a lot more empathy and a lot less, what about me.

[Annalee]

It's interesting that you are focused on me comparing our business with other businesses. I referenced free coffee and Bank fees as things that people try to not pay for , it wasn't about the amount of the bank fee or the amount of the coffee, it was just the first two things that popped in my head when I was posting. It wasn't to lessen child care or what we do it was just a simple comparison are things we try to not pay for.


So maybe here is a better example --- I once saved $400 when I asked for a "special" at a dentist office. He was a small business owner like us, with with a family that he was supporting. My ask was not personal nor disrespectful.

Next topic

If everyone took time to see it from another point of view maybe we would have a lot more empathy and a lot less, what about me.

I think most on this forum deal professionally with clients but that's not to say we don't need to vent and scream and beat our head on the wall occasionally. This forum is great for 'just getting it out'. Just saying!

[Blackcat31]

Next topic

If everyone took time to see it from another point of view maybe we would have a lot more empathy and a lot less, what about me.

I use up my daily empathy quota caring for other people's children. Doing 99% of what parents don't want to do, can't do or won't do. I am flexible, understanding, caring and willing to go the extra mile in almost all areas of my role as a provider but when it comes to money and being paid for what I do, it IS all about me because I earned that right within this job that I chose.

(Using the OP's example vacation/not wanting to pay) It IS personally disrespectful to expect to get a discount or have the weekly fee paid because the provider isn't the one going on vacation. The parent is. So why should the provider be the one to take the income loss so the parent can save money. If the parent was trying to negotiate the fees being waived for the provider's vacation then I might feel differently but seeing it from the providers point of view the parents are being rude/disrespectful and somewhat hurtful.

From the parents point of view: *crickets*. I see no reason as a parent to expect the provider to discount/waive the weekly tuition/fee as the provider is still open for business so unless the child in question is major PITA kid, there is nothing in it for the provider to want to make the financial sacrifice for the parent's vacation.

Child care is unlike any other business so although I understand the point you were trying to make in regards to free coffee, waving bank fees and getting special at the dentist, I think payment is one area that child care providers always gets the short end of.

Any other parent request for "special" might not feel so hurtful or rude as most providers are professionals at seeing someone else's point of view and being empathetic. They are by far the least selfish people on the planet in my personal opinion.

[Alwaysgreener]

I feel like my comment was taken out of context or I am reading your response wrong. My comment (that BC quoted above) was a reply to another poster that said " Why do we always have to see it from a different point of view. Maybe our clients should see it from our point of view occasionally." ---

[Blackcat31]

Alwaysgreener I don’t know.. I was replying to your statement that I quoted.
Maybe I misread your reply… lol! Darn text without tone
I thought you were saying providers or us in general should be more empathetic and see things from the parents point of view sometimes.
I wasn’t trying to be snarky or rude just scrolling along and adding my two cents 🙂

[Annalee]

I use up my daily empathy quota caring for other people's children. Doing 99% of what parents don't want to do, can't do or won't do. I am flexible, understanding, caring and willing to go the extra mile in almost all areas of my role as a provider but when it comes to money and being paid for what I do, it IS all about me because I earned that right within this job that I chose.

(Using the OP's example vacation/not wanting to pay) It IS personally disrespectful to expect to get a discount or have the weekly fee paid because the provider isn't the one going on vacation. The parent is. So why should the provider be the one to take the income loss so the parent can save money. If the parent was trying to negotiate the fees being waived for the provider's vacation then I might feel differently but seeing it from the providers point of view the parents are being rude/disrespectful and somewhat hurtful.

From the parents point of view: *crickets*. I see no reason as a parent to expect the provider to discount/waive the weekly tuition/fee as the provider is still open for business so unless the child in question is major PITA kid, there is nothing in it for the provider to want to make the financial sacrifice for the parent's vacation.

Child care is unlike any other business so although I understand the point you were trying to make in regards to free coffee, waving bank fees and getting special at the dentist, I think payment is one area that child care providers always gets the short end of.

Any other parent request for "special" might not feel so hurtful or rude as most providers are professionals at seeing someone else's point of view and being empathetic. They are by far the least selfish people on the planet in my personal opinion.

Absolutely! I stated in an earlier post that for a person or fellow provider 'to minimize' the 'emotions' that come with operating a child care program, particularly Family Child Care, can come across as offensive....this is an emotionally-impacted profession.

[Cat Herder]

I am one who often steps on this landmine. I don't really run my business with emotion, I really don't have any big feelings about much of anything business related other than when it interferes with my peace, money or routine. Answers are usually yes or no. Stay, don't stay, I don't care either way. Every kid here has a replacement hoping for a call. Every parent asks for free or easy, the answer stays the same. I don't blame them for asking any more than I blame the dog for barking at the same mailman every day for the last 8 years. It is just what they do. When I speak straight to the point or answer a forum question as a "scenario" it isn't meant to minimize anyone's feelings. I truly have no concept of what possible feeling you are having about the issue unless you straight up tell me "I'm hurt." or "I'm sad", "I'm angry" or "I am looking for advice". Without that information my reply will simply be how I would handle your "scenario" and hope you will take use of the parts that help you and ignore the parts that don't. Maybe those part will help someone else? I is never intended to hurt, though.

[PB&J]

I saw that part of AlwaysGreener’s reply as advice to help us cope with “vent-able” situations, not as a way to silence venting. It’s not even a mandate to summon even more empathy than we already possess - just a reminder that allowing another perspective in can HELP us down from the ledge. Kind of like the mental health advice to put a smile on your face when you’re crabby - studies show that just the physical act of smiling helps calm yourself (and softens others who approach you, lessening the chance for a crabby encounter making things worse). On this site we can’t talk to the parents and give them advice to see things from someone else’s point of view; we can only talk to and try to help each other. And we don’t have to agree with others’ viewpoints; just considering it FOR OURSELVES reminds us that all kinds of people inhabit this planet and maybe that’s sometimes enough to help us shrug it off.

[Jo123abc]

I guess that's where we differ. I wouldn't ask the dentist to charge me less than the next person unless there was a program in place for that in which I qualified (which is usually community, state, or government funded for financial hardship purposes). I wouldn't ask the barista to waive the cost of my coffee unless there was something wrong with it. They provided a service/good. I should pay for it! I think it's disrespectful to go around asking everyone for "discounts". A bank fee... Maybe, if I paid my bill right away but I probably wouldn't then either. They have a right to charge for my late payment. That'll teach me to pay closer attention to my due date that's for sure. 😉

[PB&J]

No, that’s not it… I agree with you. I wouldn’t ask either, and I get annoyed when they ask! I remind them that their parent handbook has the answer. But…instead of letting it eat at me, I can think “well they reviewed the handbook at signup and haven’t taken a vacation yet so they are just clarifying… or, they have been here years and are just feeling me out for a long-timer discount, can’t hurt to ask.” I can wish a million times a day that the parents would just read the d*** book and get aggravated, or I can think that their head is in a different place and it takes all types and move on…Seeing a different perspective helps ME calm down. Kind of like the concept of forgiveness, which supposedly helps YOU more than the other party. For the record, I tend more to dwell and stew about lazy parents who can’t be in charge of THEIR contract that THEY signed and it irks me no end. But if I can manage to see another perspective, it can be calming. (This is just in reference to stupid questions, not huge policy violations or other jacka**ery)

[Jo123abc]

@PB&J I was responding to alwaysgreener sorry for the misunderstanding! You are right about perspective.

[Sahm121]

Oh my goodness. This post seems to have gone sideways.

I was venting. I had two long term families (been with me over 3 years) try to avoid paying for vacations. It’s been the same policy since they started. They’ve paid every other time. After replying with ‘yes, it’s the same payment policy it’s always been’ with a big smile- One joked that they overspent at Disney and had hoped I wouldn’t charge.

The one comment that I thought was odd was that I am operating in the red because I said I didn’t want to take a financial hit. My policy is that they pay, who cares if i’m swimming in money or drowning in debt?

[Cat Herder]

I believe it was simply a communication style issue. I read it as being supportive in encouraging you to build up an emergency fund so that parents can't hurt you again even if they do short you a weeks pay. To build you up, straighten your crown as women in business. I did not read it as a vent, either. I literally answered the direct question you asked.

[GirlMomma]

I understood what you meant Sahm121 I mean, either way, whether you’re swimming or drowning… a family not paying for a week IS CERTAINLY a financial hit. You have to buy the same food, same amount of supplies, etc regardless of one family’s attendance.