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1. Spectra bottles. I've never used any before but one of my clients sent one in and the top just pops clean off in the middle of use, dumping breast milk all over the baby. I cannot make the thread connect the top to the bottom no matter how much I try. I looked at the Amazon reviews and apparently that's what this bottle does.
2. Doctor Brown's bottles. Way over-engineered and the leakiest product on the market. It's one of those products that is super-fancy and it's supposed to confuse parents into thinking that it's a magic solution to a very real problem. Sorry; it's not gonna cure your child's gas, but it is going to leak all over the bag you sent it to me in. I found a mommy blog that enthusiastically promotes it and instructs that, to avoid leaks, you don't use it to mix formula, don't use it to warm up formula or milk, don't fill it past the line, don't use a nipple with too fast a flow, don't use it with a nipple with too slow a flow, don't tighten it too much, don't tighten it too little, and absolutely don't tip it other than at an exact 45° angle.
3. Shoes that lace up on toddlers.
4. Hair clips on babies.
5. Magic amber garrotes, I mean, necklaces.
6. White clothing on newborns with liquid feces, babies who crawl around on the floor, and toddlers and preschoolers who get more food on their bodies than into their mouth. Just don't put your child in white clothing.
7. Fancy diaper ointment, and then a couple of days of me changing the diaper regularly makes the rash clear up, and it's back every Monday when your child comes in bright red and screaming in pain and coated in ointment like it's sheep dip. Instead of providing a patch on the problem you caused by avoiding a task you dislike, change your child often enough that their skin isn't irritated all the time. (That family is why I raised my rates and buy my own diapers now, so I'm not fighting with someone who wants to nickel and dime every last diaper their kid went through.)
8. Bodysuits that don't open at the crotch, you sadists.
9. DEET-free mosquito repellant, and a request that I pay a company to have all the pollinators in my yard sprayed to death with toxic chemicals that will enter the ecosystem, because you only want essential oils on your child.
2. Doctor Brown's bottles. Way over-engineered and the leakiest product on the market. It's one of those products that is super-fancy and it's supposed to confuse parents into thinking that it's a magic solution to a very real problem. Sorry; it's not gonna cure your child's gas, but it is going to leak all over the bag you sent it to me in. I found a mommy blog that enthusiastically promotes it and instructs that, to avoid leaks, you don't use it to mix formula, don't use it to warm up formula or milk, don't fill it past the line, don't use a nipple with too fast a flow, don't use it with a nipple with too slow a flow, don't tighten it too much, don't tighten it too little, and absolutely don't tip it other than at an exact 45° angle.
3. Shoes that lace up on toddlers.
4. Hair clips on babies.
5. Magic amber garrotes, I mean, necklaces.
6. White clothing on newborns with liquid feces, babies who crawl around on the floor, and toddlers and preschoolers who get more food on their bodies than into their mouth. Just don't put your child in white clothing.
7. Fancy diaper ointment, and then a couple of days of me changing the diaper regularly makes the rash clear up, and it's back every Monday when your child comes in bright red and screaming in pain and coated in ointment like it's sheep dip. Instead of providing a patch on the problem you caused by avoiding a task you dislike, change your child often enough that their skin isn't irritated all the time. (That family is why I raised my rates and buy my own diapers now, so I'm not fighting with someone who wants to nickel and dime every last diaper their kid went through.)
8. Bodysuits that don't open at the crotch, you sadists.
9. DEET-free mosquito repellant, and a request that I pay a company to have all the pollinators in my yard sprayed to death with toxic chemicals that will enter the ecosystem, because you only want essential oils on your child.
"Sheep dip" & "sadists"
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