Impossible 17 Month Old

[gumdrops]

I don't know how to handle this DCB. He has been with me since he was 4 mo. His older sis and parents are awesome...he is not! He cries/screams ALL THE TIME! If I put up a gate to keep kids out of the kitchen etc. he loses his mind and he doesn't stop until he gets his way. DCM has mentioned that he's "high maintenance". I've noticed in social media posts that he ALWAYS has a sippy cup or container of snacks in his hand. I can't do that with 5 other kids in care. We can't eat all day long. When he is finished with snack or lunch everything left on his plate goes on the floor. I don't have time to stop it, it's instant! Changing his diaper is a wrestling match every time and he poops multiple times/day. It's great fun I think there is a lot of TV watching at home, just to keep him content. Other kids his age follow easy instructions "stay off the couch" "Don't touch that" etc, he does not! I'm at my wits end, but I love the rest of his family so I don't want to end care. Any advice?

[Michael]

Here’s some posts from our archives.

Screams All Day
https://www.daycare.com/forum/tags.p...creams+all+day

High Maintenance
https://www.daycare.com/forum/tags.p...gh+maintenance

[Rockgirl]

Maybe it’s because I’m getting older, but my tolerance for all-day screaming is pretty much gone. I termed one last month at the end of her first week, because we were ALL miserable.

So I guess I don’t really have advice for making it better….I just don’t do it anymore. 😬 It’s difficult when it’s a sibling, though, because you lose two children if you term the problem one.

[e.j.]

I don't know how to handle this DCB. He has been with me since he was 4 mo. His older sis and parents are awesome...he is not! He cries/screams ALL THE TIME! If I put up a gate to keep kids out of the kitchen etc. he loses his mind and he doesn't stop until he gets his way. DCM has mentioned that he's "high maintenance". I've noticed in social media posts that he ALWAYS has a sippy cup or container of snacks in his hand. I can't do that with 5 other kids in care. We can't eat all day long. When he is finished with snack or lunch everything left on his plate goes on the floor. I don't have time to stop it, it's instant! Changing his diaper is a wrestling match every time and he poops multiple times/day. It's great fun I think there is a lot of TV watching at home, just to keep him content. Other kids his age follow easy instructions "stay off the couch" "Don't touch that" etc, he does not! I'm at my wits end, but I love the rest of his family so I don't want to end care. Any advice?

I think I have his twin! This is my 25th year in day care and while I can't say he's the toughest kid I've had in my care, he's right up there near the top 5! I've never felt so burnt out as I do right now. Maybe it's my age, too? I don't have much advice since I'm struggling with the same issues - the screaming, crying, meltdowns, constant pooping, wrestling matches when changing him, (I've ended up with big bruises on my forearms from being kicked by him), food on the floor, climbing on everything... Just wanted to let you know that, fwiw, you're not alone. I keep telling myself in another month or two, he'll turn a corner and probably be a different child behaviorally but I'm not confident in that since his older sibling (3 yrs) has recently been diagnosed with speech and development delays and I'm afraid this little guy may have his own issues, too. Two naps (morning/afternoon) seem to help. I gate off anything he can climb on if possible. (I have a play kitchen/diner that has a kitchen in the front and 2 seats on the other side with a table in between them. He used to climb up onto the seats and then stand on the table in between the two seats. That diner now sits inside a play yard so the older kids can use it but he can't get to it. I know it's a hassle but could your couch be turned around so he can't get up on it? Or maybe put him in a play yard until he can stay off the couch - at least when you're busy with the other kids and can't supervise him as closely as you need to?) As much outside time as possible seems to help his mood, as well. If I can't catch him in time and stop the food from being thrown, I just resign myself to picking it up after the meal. I try to serve just a few pieces at a time so there isn't much to pick up but I know when you have several other kids to feed, it's easier just to give him enough food to keep him eating while you feed the others. Haven't figured out what to do about the wrestling matches. I've tried giving him small toys to keep him occupied but he just throws them. I now just brace myself and try to make diaper changes as quick as possible. His mom says he responds well to "Baby Bum" music when she changes him but I don't always have my cell phone nearby when I change him and I'd probably have to keep charging my phone if I had to play one of those videos for him every time he has to be changed. It's constant! Worst case, you can always term if you need to. That's been in the back of my mind for awhile. I hate to do it; I love this family, too, so I'm trying to hang in but it isn't easy. I feel for you!

[gumdrops]

Maybe it’s because I’m getting older, but my tolerance for all-day screaming is pretty much gone. I termed one last month at the end of her first week, because we were ALL miserable.

So I guess I don’t really have advice for making it better….I just don’t do it anymore. 😬 It’s difficult when it’s a sibling, though, because you lose two children if you term the problem one.

We live in a small town, so terming is really hard! I have considered quitting and starting back up in 6 months because I hate the confrontation that bad! But our area is in desperate need of daycares, so then I have the guilt factor that they won't be able to find care. Damned if you do, damned if you don't!

[gumdrops]

I think I have his twin! This is my 25th year in day care and while I can't say he's the toughest kid I've had in my care, he's right up there near the top 5! I've never felt so burnt out as I do right now. Maybe it's my age, too? I don't have much advice since I'm struggling with the same issues - the screaming, crying, meltdowns, constant pooping, wrestling matches when changing him, (I've ended up with big bruises on my forearms from being kicked by him), food on the floor, climbing on everything... Just wanted to let you know that, fwiw, you're not alone. I keep telling myself in another month or two, he'll turn a corner and probably be a different child behaviorally but I'm not confident in that since his older sibling (3 yrs) has recently been diagnosed with speech and development delays and I'm afraid this little guy may have his own issues, too. Two naps (morning/afternoon) seem to help. I gate off anything he can climb on if possible. (I have a play kitchen/diner that has a kitchen in the front and 2 seats on the other side with a table in between them. He used to climb up onto the seats and then stand on the table in between the two seats. That diner now sits inside a play yard so the older kids can use it but he can't get to it. I know it's a hassle but could your couch be turned around so he can't get up on it? Or maybe put him in a play yard until he can stay off the couch - at least when you're busy with the other kids and can't supervise him as closely as you need to?) As much outside time as possible seems to help his mood, as well. If I can't catch him in time and stop the food from being thrown, I just resign myself to picking it up after the meal. I try to serve just a few pieces at a time so there isn't much to pick up but I know when you have several other kids to feed, it's easier just to give him enough food to keep him eating while you feed the others. Haven't figured out what to do about the wrestling matches. I've tried giving him small toys to keep him occupied but he just throws them. I now just brace myself and try to make diaper changes as quick as possible. His mom says he responds well to "Baby Bum" music when she changes him but I don't always have my cell phone nearby when I change him and I'd probably have to keep charging my phone if I had to play one of those videos for him every time he has to be changed. It's constant! Worst case, you can always term if you need to. That's been in the back of my mind for awhile. I hate to do it; I love this family, too, so I'm trying to hang in but it isn't easy. I feel for you!

Thank you for your response! It is good to know that it's not just me I'm also relieved to see that you still give a morning nap! I usually end morning nap by 15 months, but I need the break from him, so I've still been giving him 2 naps. This poor kid doesn't get much play time because he doesn't play, he just tries to figure out how he can get where he's not supposed to be ALL DAY LONG...while screaming the entire time!

[e.j.]

I usually end morning naps at about 12 months so it feels as though I'm really stretching it in this case but he really does better with that nap under his belt. Not a whole lot better, mind you, but enough so that I can get in a craft or other activity with the other kids who need my attention, too.

I was wrestling with him again this morning while changing his diaper and was thinking, "I can't continue to do this much longer!" My shoulder is still sore from the wrestling I did with him yesterday and lately, I've been sitting with a heating pad all weekend long because my arms, back and shoulders are killing me by the time I've put in 3 days with him! Anyway....all of a sudden, "The Feingold Diet" popped into my head. It's been years since I've recommended it to a parent but I may suggest it to this kid's parents. (I know they've been experiencing the same kinds of behavior at home.) Long story short, that diet worked wonders for a past dc family who had 2 kids with major behavioral issues. They had stayed in touch after leaving me and dcm had called me to ask for advice on how to deal with their behavior. She tried the diet and called me back several weeks later to say she couldn't believe the difference it made in not only her kids but in herself, as well. She told me they all had food allergies that she didn't even know they had. It wasn't until she tried the diet and began to feel so much better that she realized how terrible she had been feeling. The kids' behavior had improved dramatically and she could actually tell when her mil gave the kids something to eat that wasn't on the "approved" list of foods they could have because their behavior would spiral out of control again. I haven't thought about that for years but I think I am going to mention it to my current dcm to see if she's willing to try it. Your dcm may want to check into it, too. I think there's a cost to it. When I ordered the book based on my pediatrician's recommendation (my son has Asperger's Syndrome and was experiencing frequent meltdowns at the time), it cost about $70.) We didn't have as much luck with it because my son either wouldn't eat or was allergic to most of the foods on the approved list but based on my other dcm's feedback, I'd say it may be worth the money to try it. I eventually gave my copy of the diet to my sil who was having health issues. She tried the diet and also said she began to feel much better after a couple of weeks or so.