Drop-Off Problems

[Annalee]

My mentor, years ago, told me just to look, no actually stare, when a person asks or does anything that makes you want to respond....she says the stare works better because any words you say opens up a negotiable discussion....some of these clients will discuss out the ying-yang if you let them.

[GirlMomma]

I posted too soon…

I need a drama break! I plan on taking my time filling my next open spot - if I even do it at all.

[GirlMomma]

Annalee I was actually considering terming for her raising her voice to me saying I’m not empathetic. Of course after the fact I thought (and wish I would’ve said) “you don’t think I’m empathetic to your situation because I’m not giving you what you want.” Sounds similar to the 3YO tantrums.

I am going to discuss terming with DH. I want to get his opinion because I don’t plan on filling the spot anytime soon. I need a drama

[Annalee]

I've had someone show up uninvited twice and both times I terminated.....very disrespectful....both times the clients had an agenda and confrontational would be too nice of a word for me to use for my two experiences...I think it's time to end this contract!

[GirlMomma]

I didn’t bring it up in the text, but DCM unexpectedly showed up at my house today. 🙃

She said she was going to try and bring DCG tomorrow. I told her how DCD usually does drop off so DCG remains in the routine. DCM said DCG is all out of sorts and cried for hours yesterday at home because DCD is still in the hospital. DCM asked if I could take the child tomorrow even if she threw a fit. I explained to DCM that while I’m empathetic to her situation, I provide group child care and I am unable to cater to one specific child’s needs. I explained I am not going to pry a 3YO that is kicking and screaming from her mother, risking my physical health and the safety of the other children around me. This isn’t a one off situation, it’s been happening for weeks which was why I already gave her a deadline to correct it. DCM said “I don’t think you are!” when I said I was emphatic to her situation. Then she asked if she could get a refund on the days I refuse DCG for her behavior at drop off. I told her no, the payment holds the spot. If she wants to terminate the contract we could do that and go our separate ways. DCM didn’t want to do that and said DCG would be back on Monday.

Basically she wanted me to agree to parent the child because of their current situation with DCD.

I am not happy about this because DCM came here to be confrontational with me over this situation.

[GirlMomma]

LOL thank you!!

[Cat Herder]

Sorry, today is floors and windows day at my house, so I was offline, waxed into a corner waiting for the floor to dry.

I would not bring it up. I would leave it as a closed case. She was told to "solve it or leave" and she could not solve it, so left. It is over.

Next up is the next drop off. You will feel more pressure to intervene, don't. You are halfway there. Think supernanny parent edition.

[GirlMomma]

Thank you, CH!

I didn’t say anything when DCM left and I didn’t get around to texting her yesterday. DCM text me a while and said DCG wouldn’t be here. Should I respond with anything in regards to yesterday or just say okay and move on?

[Cat Herder]

I think you handled it fine. This was not a one off, this has been consistent negative behavior prior to the new situation. At 18 months, I would have just taken the child. At 40 months, I would be asking her mom to find other care because of the constant disruption and created family drama you describe. Chances are the parents would behave better in a larger daycare environment, more peer pressure may keep them from acting out the way they do in your more private setting. That would greatly benefit the child in the longterm.

[GirlMomma]

That’s another good point BC.

[GirlMomma]

It’ll come! Just don’t second guess yourself! ❤️

[Blackcat31]

Me in a nutshell! lol I've been working on my backbone for the past 27 years (and it's much stronger than it used to be when I first started doing day care) but I'll probably retire before it gets as strong as it should be! Good for you for standing up for yourself!

There is no right or wrong answer
That IS the beauty of this business.

Providers that truly care and can be empathetic to specific situations are absolutely priceless but that same character trait can (and does) come at a personal cost and adds tremendous stress to this job.

How big is the [personal] cost?
How much added stress?

The answers are wholly dependent on each provider
(and which of the 5 stages of learning they’re currently at)

…..again, the beauty of this profession.

[e.j.]

I am very empathetic, sometimes I empathize way too much. So when I actually stand up for myself and my business, I tend second guess myself and my decision.

...Normally, I would’ve picked up this 35 lb child while she’s kicking and screaming. In the process I would’ve twisted my back and screwed it up trying to get her in the door. Then I would’ve been mad at myself for taking a screaming kid, throwing the rest of the group off all day and I would’ve dealt with back pain for the next week.

Me in a nutshell! lol I've been working on my backbone for the past 27 years (and it's much stronger than it used to be when I first started doing day care) but I'll probably retire before it gets as strong as it should be! Good for you for standing up for yourself!

[GirlMomma]

e.j. Thank you! DCD had a non-life threatening condition that he was hospitalized for. It’s not COVID related, either. I’m 90% sure that DCD was also with DCM (and driving) at drop off. I can’t be sure, my cameras didn’t pick up the driver and I only saw the outline of someone in the drivers seat. The outline looked like it could be his.

I am very empathetic, sometimes I empathize way too much. So when I actually stand up for myself and my business, I tend second guess myself and my decision.

I’m doing things differently this year and learning to let the parent handle their child at pick up and drop off is one of them. Normally, I would’ve picked up this 35 lb child while she’s kicking and screaming. In the process I would’ve twisted my back and screwed it up trying to get her in the door. Then I would’ve been mad at myself for taking a screaming kid, throwing the rest of the group off all day and I would’ve dealt with back pain for the next week.

There’s also a high likelihood, that because of the appointment and hospitalization, they would’ve been late for pick up. I would’ve been pissed about that and I’d have to term them because they’re at the last strike on that too.

[GirlMomma]

Annalee thank you. I think BC said it best: “THIS is exactly why we want parents to be the ones in charge of their children.... when life happens (as it clearly does) then the child follows instructions and does as told.”