DCK Having a Hard Time

[Sparkles]

Good morning!

I've got a dcb3 who started a couple of weeks ago. He did great the first week, then something changed the next week and he didn't want to come anymore. Dcp dropped him off last week and he refused to come in. Said he wanted to go with dad, go back in the car, etc. Dad was letting him stay outside, so I went out and got dcb and told him he needed to come in. Dcb was so upset so I told dad he would be fine after he left. Dad left and he was upset for maybe 4-5 minutes, but then was fine and had a great day. He was so upset he threw up twice, though. After talking to mom, this is a normal thing for him when he's upset. I sent pictures to reassure dcp that he was having fun. Dcb is supposed to be here today, but mom texted me and told me he is having a hard time about coming and is already throwing up. I'm not sure what to do, or if there is anything I CAN do since this is happening with the parents. It breaks my heart that a dck is THAT upset about coming to my house Any ideas on what to do?

[Cat Herder]

It isn't something you can fix. Someone has most likely put great effort into teaching him to fear going to daycare. He is getting something out of it or he would not keep doing it.

The best thing you can do is stay in routine with the other kids. Having one of the other kids "show him the ropes" can help, too. Having an assigned friend can sometimes make all the difference for both kids.

[Sparkles]

Thank you. Unfortunately, dcm told me that he may not come today. I feel that if he doesn't come today, then dcb will know that he doesn't have to come if he doesn't want to and the issue will not get better.

Hoping he shows up. I've got a dck that would be great at being a buddy for him. Just don't understand why things did a 180.

[TwinMama]

Good morning!

I've got a dcb3 who started a couple of weeks ago. He did great the first week, then something changed the next week and he didn't want to come anymore. Dcp dropped him off last week and he refused to come in. Said he wanted to go with dad, go back in the car, etc. Dad was letting him stay outside, so I went out and got dcb and told him he needed to come in. Dcb was so upset so I told dad he would be fine after he left. Dad left and he was upset for maybe 4-5 minutes, but then was fine and had a great day. He was so upset he threw up twice, though. After talking to mom, this is a normal thing for him when he's upset. I sent pictures to reassure dcp that he was having fun. Dcb is supposed to be here today, but mom texted me and told me he is having a hard time about coming and is already throwing up. I'm not sure what to do, or if there is anything I CAN do since this is happening with the parents. It breaks my heart that a dck is THAT upset about coming to my house Any ideas on what to do?

I have a dcm that's full of drama. She tells everyone everything in front of her kids. Her 8 year old would rather starve than eat any kind of different food. She also has had a fear of riding the bus since she's started school. Mom constantly talks about these issues in front of people. So instead of going about her business and letting her decide things herself she talks about how she'll probably be scared. Then dck is of course scared.

[Annalee]

Agree TwinMama! I have a dcb4 whom his parents call a 'prodigy'......he is very smart and advanced but 'prodigy' is a little far-fetched. I see many things he does here , not bad, but things they feel he is too advanced for but he enjoys at my daycare. I even see him eat things that they say he will not eat at restaurants because the prodigy knows about portions and what is good for you. I found it surprising that when the grandma picks up, she feels the same way as the parents. Dcb4 has learned what makes the parents happy and what makes me happy......it's a shame he feels the need to play this game.

[Valerie928]

This is a tough situation and in no way your fault! For me, the throwing up is a no go for me and I would term. I can't deal with that and my other kiddos.

[Blackcat31]

The throwing up is a deal breaker for me too! Kids that are allowed to get that far aren’t kids I am willing I manage. Puke is puke regardless of why.
Yuck! 🤮

[Sparkles]

I can't deal with it, either. It's unsanitary and not something I should be expected to tolerate. Dcb didn't end up coming today, I guess we'll see what happens tomorrow.

[Gemma]

Good morning!

I've got a dcb3 who started a couple of weeks ago. He did great the first week, then something changed the next week and he didn't want to come anymore. Dcp dropped him off last week and he refused to come in. Said he wanted to go with dad, go back in the car, etc. Dad was letting him stay outside, so I went out and got dcb and told him he needed to come in. Dcb was so upset so I told dad he would be fine after he left. Dad left and he was upset for maybe 4-5 minutes, but then was fine and had a great day. He was so upset he threw up twice, though. After talking to mom, this is a normal thing for him when he's upset. I sent pictures to reassure dcp that he was having fun. Dcb is supposed to be here today, but mom texted me and told me he is having a hard time about coming and is already throwing up. I'm not sure what to do, or if there is anything I CAN do since this is happening with the parents. It breaks my heart that a dck is THAT upset about coming to my house Any ideas on what to do?

Unfortunately I would have to terminate care. I could not work with this child because I exclude for vomiting no matter what the reason

[Springvalley]

Children take time to adjust to care, however if a child is upset about coming that would have me questioning the parents and the child.

1. Has another child said or done something to upset the child?
2. Is there an change in routine within the daycare that the child dislikes?
3. Whst is a typical day within your daycare?
4. Is the child a picky eater?

the reason the child throws up is because its their way of saying I'm in control and you will do as I say.

[Alwaysgreener]

I just termed this kid 2.5. He caused havoc in my DC. The first week went great (honeymoon period). The second week they were forcing him in the house. He was fine after they left but would not cooperate with things like getting ready to go outside or coming back inside or sharing toys. At diaper changes he started screaming for me to stop hurting him. That was final straw.

Mom was surprised and confused when I termed and wanted to know if I was misunderstanding what was going to happen.

So unfortunately I agree you may end up having to terminate.

[Sparkles]

Thanks everyone!

So, he came yesterday and had a great day for the most part. Dcp was really good about dropping and going. He cried for a bit, and then was fine. But every time a dck said something about their mom or dad, or every time a parent dropped off or picked up, we started all over. He had a lot of fun, though and I sent several pictures of him smiling and happy to the parents. He's supposed to be here today, but he's not coming because he freaked out when they were about to leave. It's his first experience with daycare, so I'm trying to be understanding, but there's nothing I can do in this situation. Hoping things get better.

[Cat Herder]

It sounds like he would do great with you if the parents could just get on schedule and bring him routinely. That has to be so frustrating. That was a lot of progress and you did a great job of that. Maybe if you sent them some article that explains how kids are creatures of habit and love routine? That transitions and disruptions are the biggest issues he faces right now. I am sure we can all come up with something, somewhere

[GirlMomma]

Since it’s DCB’s first time in DC, it’s going to be rough, especially at that age! Unfortunately, like CH said, if the parents aren’t willing to get into a routine and stick with it, you’re going to be in the same boat every day.

I had a DCG also 3 start with me and would scream all day long “Mommy why did you leave me?!” The parents took DCG out of my daycare 3 days after she started because it was “too much” on DCG and she was starting throw fits when her mother would leave for the store.

Parents like that really make me wonder how they’re going to handle it when the child starts school... will they just not send their child to school because he or she doesn’t want to go?