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  • Would You Ask Parent?

    Hey everyone I have a parent who's daughter has been with me for almost 2 yrs. It was a VERY challenging year and a half with her but parents always were very positive and open and talkative. Lately last few months the dad barely even looks at me and only waves when I do. He doesn't walk his daughter up to the door but pulls up driveway gets her out and he waits at car until we do transition, he used to say hi, or good morning, have a nice weekend but now nothing unless I say it. I don't know what would've been the issue other than they are not open about symptoms their daughter had a few months ago and upon asking more questions I found they needed to keep her home longer due to Covid symptoms etc. Seems after this. It is really uncomfortable when he drops off and feel like if he isn't even going to acknowledge me I'm not going to him but I feel like I want to ask him if something is wrong because I like to have good open relationships with my families. Would you ask him? If so, how would you do it?

  • #2
    No.

    It is possible it is not about you at all but his marriage.

    Let him be as avoidant as he needs to be while you maintain a professional distance.

    Try making all daycare communication in text, email or parent App messages to BOTH parents, together. Keep it short, straight to the point and polite.
    Last edited by Cat Herder; 4 weeks ago.

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    • #3
      It's not their marriage I know that.

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      • #4
        Regardless of the reason, professional communication is the way to go to prevent these issues to begin with.

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        • #5
          I know they are good for payment but even lately he doesn't send payment like yesterday so I sent a text and said just a reminder it's only 4 days this week thanks. He replied with ok I didn't know how the pay worked well why don't you ask me? Last time I mentioned to mom at pick up to send payment and a couple hours later I get a text, he said he sent payment didn't you get notification? I replied no I did not get a notification and verified no payment sent. No other texts that was it so next morning he says oh something about his Bank blah blah he had to switch apps and I should receive Thursday but why not tell me this I mean payment is due Mondays its hard to communicate.

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          • #6
            Oh i have ALWAYS been professional

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            • Cat Herder
              Cat Herder commented
              Editing a comment
              Oh, no, I mean "Professional Communication" the 1 hour daycare training class and techniques. lol!!! I am sorry if it came off any other way. OMG Not what I meant at all.

              See below.
              Last edited by Cat Herder; 4 weeks ago.

          • #7
            Send the texts in group to both parents. Let them talk and get back to you with an answer. No more being in the middle or he said, she said.

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            • #8
              I wouldn’t say anything about it because it’s business. It sounds like it has nothing to do with you. It sounds like they are having some sort of personal difficulty, whether it be marriage or financial issues. Regardless, it isn’t your business and you should maintain that boundary.

              I would enforce your late fee policies. Don’t cut them any slack on payments coming in late… they will take advantage of you.

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              • #9
                Also, just because they’ve been good for payment in the past doesn’t mean they are now. They’ve been with you for over a year and they don’t know how payment works for a 4-day week?? They’re stalling payment. Don’t allow your clients to make their problems your problems.

                The best thing I’ve learned is to not get emotionally involved with my clients. I made way too many mistakes my first year in business and I learned from them. Now, I enforce my policies. I tick some of my parents off because I’m no longer lenient with my policies. This forum has helped me A LOT!

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                • #10
                  I can pretty much guarantee it has nothing to do with financial or marriage I honestly think it's an issue with me going back to him not liking me questioning her symptoms and making them keep her home the extra days. That's when it started its like he doesn't want
                  to talk or communicate with me.

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                  • PB&J
                    PB&J commented
                    Editing a comment
                    Was dad the one that dropped the clues that made you dig for further info about the sickness, and then require more days out? if so, maybe mom told him to keep his mouth shut from now on!

                  • Blackcat31
                    Blackcat31 commented
                    Editing a comment
                    If it is about the recent illness issues then DCD is being petty and childish
                    He has to know you are simply following health rules for everyone’s benefit and the whole exchange has made him withdrawn and pouty then, I’d just ignore it.
                    I’d probably try to be overly kind and chatty just because. I’m sure his tantrum will end soon enough. If not, it’s not your problem 🙂

                • #11
                  I agree with the other posters. I wouldn’t say anything. He’s a grownup; if he has something to say, let him say it. Until then, as long as they are abiding by policy that’s all you need. I, too, would enforce the late fee, since that’s policy.
                  also, I’m not sure that you can guarantee there are no marriage issues…. No one knows about the times my hubby and I were having troubles. Our public faces stayed on.
                  Last edited by PB&J; 4 weeks ago.

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                  • #12
                    I'm probably going to be the odd man out on this. I understand and agree with what everyone else has said about keeping things professional but I think if it were me and a parent who had always been warm and friendly suddenly became frosty toward me and it was making me feel uncomfortable, I'd ask if I had done or said something to upset them. In your case, where you think it may have something to do with something specific (covid symptoms), I'd just be direct and say something like, "I'm feeling as though you're upset at how I handled the covid situation...." and just go from there. I'd rather face the issue and hopefully put it behind us than not address it and continue to feel uncomfortable.
                    Last edited by e.j.; 4 weeks ago.

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                    • #13
                      Originally posted by e.j. View Post
                      I'm probably going to be the odd man out on this. I understand and agree with what everyone else has said about keeping things professional but I think if it were me and a parent who had always been warm and friendly suddenly became frosty toward me and it was making me feel uncomfortable, I'd ask if I had done or said something to upset them. In your case, where you think it may have something to do with something specific (covid symptoms), I'd just be direct and say something like, "I'm feeling as though you're upset at how I handled the covid situation.... and just go from there. I'd rather face the issue and hopefully put it behind us than not address it and continue to feel uncomfortable.
                      I agree with this. Maybe the other providers here wouldn't let it bother them but it obviously bothers you. I would be upfront and ask. If it has to do with his daughter and the Covid issue, it would be best to advise him on your policy and responsibility to the other children and parents in your care.

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                      • #14
                        Originally posted by e.j. View Post
                        I'm probably going to be the odd man out on this. I understand and agree with what everyone else has said about keeping things professional but I think if it were me and a parent who had always been warm and friendly suddenly became frosty toward me and it was making me feel uncomfortable, I'd ask if I had done or said something to upset them. In your case, where you think it may have something to do with something specific (covid symptoms), I'd just be direct and say something like, "I'm feeling as though you're upset at how I handled the covid situation...." and just go from there. I'd rather face the issue and hopefully put it behind us than not address it and continue to feel uncomfortable.
                        This. But I wouldn’t volunteer that it’s due to the covid scare. I would just say something like ‘I’ve been meaning to ask you if everything is okay because it feels Like you’re avoiding me’ then silence. Let him be uncomfortable and just stay quiet and let him dig himself out. It might end up being something completely different (holiday stress?)

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                        • #15
                          Thanks everyone. I do belive it has to do with me asking about his daughters symptoms because they are very well aware of my policies not only with covid but my normal sick policy. With covid I have given manyamy things on the policies, mine as well as the states. I think it inconvenienced them and he disnt like that. Now she has a cold and she tells me she has allergies which is not true and she has never said anything like that before. Thanks I just do t know if texting would be OK because I do t think I shod discuss something like this in front of their daughter. I feel like if a parent had an issue with me other than covid because I'm sure they know it would be like that anywhere but they wouldn't want their child to be here.
                          Last edited by TenderHearts; 4 weeks ago.

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