Child Being Excluded

[BaileeB]

So I have a dcg 4.5, dcg 3, dcg 2 and dcg 1. The 2yo is very physical. She is very big for her age and very chunky and she just takes everyone out. She weighs the same as the 4.5yo. Over 40 lbs. She has the most trouble out of everyone when it comes to sharing and when she wants something she will just take it, she will hit, she will shove, tackle, etc. I know that in their house they “play rough” and they let her watch movies like king-fu-panda (which she tries to act out with the play mop and broom I have at my house). I have talked to her mom endlessly about this behavior and there have been minor improvements. I am actually closing at the end of this month so there isn’t much point in terminating care since I usually give 2 weeks to find new arrangements but understandably, the other girls, 1,3, and 4.5 no longer want to include her in their play. They intentionally leave her out. And as expected, this only makes the problem worse. Now she is angry about being left out and will force her way into the group. She is very delayed in her speech (only says a handful of words, no phrases) so I am sure that doesn’t help, but I have tried explaining that she has to be kind, with gentle hands, for the other kids to want to play with her. She follows the other girls around and tries to join in whatever they are playing but they just kind of ignore her. I feel bad and I’m not sure what to do in this situation. The other girls do not do or say anything mean when she tries to join in and I have asked them to include her but the 4.5yo explained that she doesn’t want her to get mad and hurt them or be mean. Should I just tell dcp that they need to find new arrangements asap? I feel bad because it’s 100% on the parents for creating this behavior and I know she is just going to have more problems the older she gets. Goodness it’s infuriating that parents do that to their children. 😒

[Sahm121]

If you’re closing at the end of the month, I’d just encourage everyone to play together and create opportunities for her to play even if it’s playing alone. Letting them go now wouldn’t make sense in my opinion. Good luck

[Rockgirl]

I think I would stick it out with her till you’re closed.

The 4 year old’s feelings are completely valid, though….I would not tell her she needs to play with the rough child. I would find activities for that child to do on her own if the others choose not to include her. I would just encourage them to be kind to her, but I don’t blame the others for not inviting her to play with them.

[Cat Herder]

What are her interests? What is she good at? What do you offer that would allow her to shine?

Maybe tumbling mats outdoors? Maybe karate practice outside on a padded tree (wrap a napmat around it, with video/book instruction)? Does she have a chance to maybe run some laps before quiet play?

I was an "angry" kid (3-7 years old). My teachers would let me run the perimeter of the playground or do jumping jacks until I was calm enough to play "nicely". "Run off your mad." I was later diagnosed ADD. The non-stop interruption of thought or action by the other kids brought out frustration behaviors. I needed more uninterrupted physical activity because my home life did not offer any. I needed to bounce, whether that was in a positive or negative manner depended on the expectations placed upon me the majority of the day.