Picky Eater

[GirlMomma]

The other day, I served a Chinese food dish with a side of fruit and steamed veggies. I have served this exact dish before and all of the kids loved it. DCK4 takes one look at his plate and says “I’m not eating this.” After encouraging him to try it, I said, “Okay, that’s all I’m fixing for lunch so you’ll be hungry until our afternoon snack.” He got up and scraped his plate.

I told DCP at pick up that DCK refused to eat lunch. DCP seemed a bit frustrated with me for not giving him something else and said “Well, I can send him with extra snacks when you serve something he refuses.” I said, “Okay, I have 6 kids total so make sure there is enough.” He looked at me like I was crazy. The next day, DCP sends enough snack cakes for everyone to have two… remember this is the supposed to be in place of the meal the child is refusing to eat. I just thanked DCP and said I’d serve the snack cakes for afternoon snack/treat.

This morning, I served cinnamon rolls with a side of mixed fruit. DCK gobbled it down asked for more. This is the first time the child has ever asked for seconds besides pizza. I didn’t have enough for him to have seconds so I told him no.

I am positive this behavior is because of the junk he gets at home. I am not sure if I’m handling it right or not. The child will eventually go to school and the schools don’t offer any other choices.

[PB&J]

Did DCD ask how he ate? After infancy, I don’t volunteer that info. I served what was on our printed menu, the kids ate what they ate, and that was it. We served food four times a day; nobody was starving. And meals included several components, so if the kid couldn’t find even one thing to eat, then the kid wasn’t hungry and would get another chance within a couple/few hours. I didn’t discuss eating with parents unless asked, and when asked I would just tell them the above.

[PB&J]

Start saying things like, “The usual; he tried what he liked!” or “nothing unusual at mealtimes today”. He knows his kid. I would have said, “DCD we don’t provide daily reports for this age. I always let parents know about anything out of the ordinary, don’t worry.”

[PB&J]

Even, “The only way he will try new things is if he’s exposed to new things. Every new food is paired with a familiar food, and we eat four times a day. Hungry children will eat.”

[GirlMomma]

@PB&J good tip, thank you!

[Blackcat31]

I do the same as PB&J. I don't really discuss eating/meals with parents either. I serve, their kid eats or they don't. There are no substitutions and there are no filling snacks for those that don't eat lunch either.

When parent volunteered to send extra snacks, I would have said no. I offer plenty of healthy options and if the child doesn't want to eat, they go hungry I guess.
If some one refuses lunch all together and we are having cinnamon rolls for snack, the non eating child would get veggies and dip. I don't cater to picky eaters.

If parents choose to do so, that's on them but parents are THE reason kids are picky in the first place. For some reason they feel they must give their child "something" so they aren't hungry when in reality it's rarely if ever about food and is about manipulation. I won't be manipulated by a child. I serve healthy options on a rotating schedule with lots of different choices for kids so it's up to them if they eat or go hungry.

[GirlMomma]

Blackcat31 I absolutely agree, and I watch this child manipulate his parents in more ways than just this one. The child has ate this exact meal before but refused it that day for whatever reason.

I am always blunt about what he ate/didn’t eat because DCK is 4YO and I think tells DCP a lot of BS. The first time DCK refused Pot Roast DCP didn’t act like this but he also isn’t the parent that backs me up either.

So if he refuses a meal again and that day I have a special treat planned for snack, I shouldn’t offer the special treat, just veggies and dip? What do I say if the DCK says something to DCP about the others getting a special treat and not him?

I am full of questions because I know this won’t be the last kid to do this

[PB&J]

If I know the parent is a pain and I’m not in the mood to deal with it, I would move my special treat to a different day. Otherwise I’d serve him the healthy snack while others get the planned snack. If DCD confronts you, let him know that “every” child who skipped lunch was offered the healthy snack to ensure they ate well that day. He doesn’t need to know that his son was the only one, just that it’s your policy for every one.

[Blackcat31]

I've had kids tell their parent they didn't get a "yummy" snack like the rest of the kids and I always say "DCK, you know I can't give you certain snacks unless you have had a healthy lunch. If you don't eat enough veggies at lunch then I have to serve them at snack. Maybe if you have a healthy dinner tonight at home, Dad or Mom can give you a snack later" Then I leave it. I know all my parents know I don't cater to pickiness and I won't give a kid empty carbs or "fun" treats if they didn't eat a balanced lunch. My food program supports me in this practice and I make sure the parents understand this. Even if the snack it "healthy" per say such as a granola bar or cereal bar, I still make sure the child eats carrots and dip etc for snack because it isn't fair if they are simply holding out for the filling things verses the healthy things.

Honestly I try not to engage too deeply in this subject with parents because like kids, it eventually just becomes a power struggle and a bid for control so I try to stay vague and say things like "I serve healthy lunches with lots of variety. DCK can eat or not." If a parent continued to push the subject, I would start bombarding them with information about healthy balanced meals from the food program and refuse to discuss the topic any further than you do you and feed at home however you wish and I will continue to serve according to the food program guidelines.

[GirlMomma]

Blackcat31 and @PB&J thank you guys for the advice! Makes perfect sense.

[Rockgirl]

I do as PB&J and BC do.

Also, it sounds like dcd obsesses over this, and the child may be acting this way to exert some control.

[GirlMomma]

DCD obsesses because DCK shares custody so he thinks DCK is malnourished… which isn’t the case. The other parent just sounds more assertive ☺️

[PB&J]

He’s trying to prove that the child is malnourished when in the other parent’s custody, or he’s just “concerned” in general? Because all he’s proving is his demonstrated knowledge that his child is a picky eater and chooses not to eat when presented with an array of food. He’s showing that he knows this, and has known it and made it obvious to you, for a long time. Gonna be hard to prove that anyone is causing malnourishment. I hope I’m overthinking that, and dad is just trying to figure out his son.

[GirlMomma]

@PB&J I am pretty sure he’s trying to prove it. But the child is a very solid, healthy kid. I don’t have a single concern of DCK being malnourished. The other parents offer the child a variety of foods and if the child doesn’t eat, oh well. I’m pretty sure DCK is playing the DCD because DCD will give DCK anything he wants so he eats.