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Challenging DCKs

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  • Challenging DCKs

    Is it just a personality thing? Am I doing something wrong by expecting differently? Are some kids just wired to be angry tots who yell and start crying every single time they see another child find joy in a toy or get any kind of attention? I have a dcg who is this way. Dcg is nearly 15 months old, I believe. She is unhappy much of her time here every day. It was not like this a month ago. I'm not kidding. She will see a kid in a riding toy, run right past the exact same kind of riding toy, just to force herself into the toy nearly hurting herself and the other dck. If I am reading a book to the kids, she MUST be in my lap grabbing the book and ripping it from my hands. If I turn the pages to face her and then everyone else, she starts whining. This child is wearing me out! lol But I also enjoy many things about her. She is smart, cute, and capable. I just don't understand why or how one kid about the same age defaults to content and sweethearted and another defaults to jealousy and force. Tips?

  • #2
    I don’t have any tips but I can definitely sympathize! I have a DCG who is 28 months who is the same way. When I have had rare occasions when it is just her that I am watching she is THE sweetest thing. She loves to hug me, brings me toys to play, is gentle and loving; but whenever there are other kids around, she is a terror and so jealous. No one else is allowed to touch any toy that she previously played with or has thought about playing with. She doesn’t want me to hold the 15 month old girl I have or my 6 month old son. She throws toys, yells at the other kids, screams, and is just overall one of the worst kids I have ever seen. She is an only child and both of her parents have very busy schedules so she spends a lot of time with her grandmother. I think for her it’s a lack of one on one attention most of the time and then rare moments of being the center of attention. I haven’t figured out what to do to help her when she’s in my care because if there are any other children around it’s just a competition and she’s so hateful (literally will stand and mean mug the other children from the moment they walk in) I don’t want to reward the negative behavior

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    • fivestarday
      fivestarday commented
      Editing a comment
      OK, this made me LOL because literally right now this DCg is as happy as a clam because all the other DCKs are gone. She is smiling, playing on her own, and being a sweet as pie. I'm just standing here typing and shaking my head. DCg yells at me and the other kids, but does not throw toys...yet. Her parents are both busy professionals and she has an older sibling. I always try to be careful about what I say about her in front of the other kids. I try to say something like "She doesn't understand how to play with another toy." or "She's still kind of a baby." But lately, I'm kinda just like "OK, stop." And I move her to another toy, because if I try to hold her hand and guide her, she falls to the floor and starts a fit. Lord, help me. HAHAHA

  • #3
    At 15 months, I would continue to redirect her. At this age, she’s just beginning to follow simple instructions like “come here” or “put that down” so she doesn’t understand.

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    • #4
      Some kids just don't function well in a group and require smaller, less stimulating environments. My child was this way.
      My child did not thrive in care at all. The entire experience was stressful and difficult for him. He simply required less stimulation as the chaos and stress of a busy classroom was just too much for him, The distractions make him angry and irritable about everything.

      In your case, I would talk with the parents and ask if there are any major changes happening in the DCK's life that you need to know about. Maybe they have some tips or ideas that help her function better in a group of others. She might also just need something to keep her busy so that she isn't so focused on what others are doing or what others have that she does not.

      Because she is wanting to sit on your lap during story maybe try and read as many books as you have children and have each one of them take a turn sitting on your lap or turning pages etc. so that she begins to see what taking turns looks like. Talk her through her feelings of frustrations while continuing to tell her that she will get a turn like everyone does.
      If she protests to the point that she makes story time impossible, remove her from the group for a few minutes and allow her to calm down and return. Rinse and repeat.

      When she sees others using a ride on toy and she wants it, try to do something similar and talk her through what waiting her turn looks like. In my experience these types of behaviors from kids often times means one area of their development is a little more advanced than others and the divide causes a lot of frustration and anger which results in being pushy, aggressive and angry/unhappy. Modeling what turn taking looks like, calmly talking her through the situation while validating her feelings of frustration can help alot.

      Ultimately she really could just be a kid that won't thrive in a bigger group of kids until she's older. If that ends up being the case, there isn't anything wrong with you, your environment or with her....it's just the way it is. Good luck! These kids are so difficult sometimes yet there always seems to be something about them that make them very likeable in other ways.

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      • #5
        People talk about "parallel play" but I think we need to talk more about "perpendicular play," wherein kids who are transitioning from infancy to toddlerhood suddenly realize that another person is having fun with a thing, and it becomes their sole purpose in life to come slamming in, take that thing, and have the fun.

        The people who never outgrow that impulse go on to start land wars.

        Sometimes a parent shows up for pickup to discover their child sobbing, and I explain "There are three children who want to sit down and only four identical chairs. "

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        • fivestarday
          fivestarday commented
          Editing a comment
          LOL "There are three children who want to sit down and only four identical chairs." Man, that is funny. So true. I'm afraid my ds4 struggles with this impulse even at his late age. He wants a particular chair. Man oh man, the fits he can throw because I don't intend on letting him grow up to start land wars.
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