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Why You Should Never Offer Child Care To Family Members

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  • Why You Should Never Offer Child Care To Family Members

    I am still taking care of my SIL's kids and although there has been some improvement I can say that I am deffinetely at the end of my rope with her. I am posting because I am hoping that I will be chagrined enough to actually put my foot down ... for good. And maybe it'll serve as a good example to other DC providers of why you should NOT mix business and family. Let's just say that no good deed goes unpunished.

    #1. I charge her an incredibly cheap rate for my 3yo nephew (1-4 days a week) and nothing for my 10yo nephew (comes 1-2 times a month.

    #2. She has NEVER been able to pay me on time and is always behind by as little as $5 to as much as 3 weeks.

    #3. When she owes me she tells me that she will pay me later. Then she will say she has it but only gives me half then says she will give the rest on payday. On payday she will say that she didn't get to the bank and will bring it the next morning. The next morning she will send nephew to my door and drive away when I open my door without payment.

    #4. She will have conversations with me in text and as soon as I ask her about the money she owes she stops returning my texts.

    #5. When I talk to her about the money she says she has it and then visits but tries to leave without paying. When I ask her for it (as she's trying to leave) she gets an irritated look on her face and then gives me only a portion of it.

    #6. Nephew is drop-in but she expected me to keep a spot for him whenever she needed me when he first started.

    #7. Her kids dad takes care of the kids when he is not working and doesn't give her his work schedule until late Sunday so I don't get the schedule until then. This makes it hard for me to schedule other clients.

    #8. When I do get the schedule I will reserve the days for my nephew and almost every week it's either less or more days than what she originally says.

    #9. She doesn't get the concept that I am losing money when I watch my nephew, which I wouldn't mind so much if she followed the rules and paid me on time instead of taking advantage of my love for my nephews.

    #10. She is the only client that I have that I have any issues with whatsoever.

    Just 2 weeks ago I finally told her that she had to catch up and that she would need to pay me on Fridays in full. She began catching up and things were good. She owed me $45 as of last week and paid me $20 last Monday. She was to pay the remaining $25 on Friday before she left for a weekend trip. I was to watch my older nephew from last Thursday until Saturday night because his dad did not want to take him to school or to his baseball tryouts or basketball game while she was away. My younger nephew stayed at his dads. Her trip was a pleasure trip.

    On Friday morning she came and left his things on my doorstep and left. We only realized this when we left for school. There was no $25. I sent her a text about the money and she never responded.

    This morning at 7am she texts to inform me that I would be watching both boys today (no school). I told her "Don't forget to drop off the $25 when you drop off {Nephew}". She sends my nephew but does not get out of the car and he hands me $20. She still owes me $5 and at the end of the week she'll owe me this weeks payment.

    Are you ready for the kicker?? I charge her $10 per day.

  • #2
    Oh wow. That really sucks.

    Your case is worse than mine, but I watched both my nieces from birth to Kindergarten. They live in another city, so had to go to a local DCP once they started school.

    I wouldn't have had it any other way, as it was a great opportunity to bond with my nieces. They are now 11 and 14, and we are very close. However, doing business with family is horrible.

    It is partially my fault, as I did not do this with a contract. Also, when the first niece started coming, it was the earlier part of my "career", so I wasn't as savvy as I am now. (LOL)

    She thought she should only pay for the days they were here. If she or her husband had a day off and the girls stayed home, she deducted it from my pay. Even if she took them to an appointment, she would deduct half a day. Etc. Like I said, I should have done a contract, but I didn't. So she never even knew that my policy was that people pay whether they are here or not. It wasn't until she gave me that first check that I realized how it was going to be. (She paid once a month, at the end of the month) Not wanting to make waves, I didn't say anything and thought it wouldn't be that big of a deal. Well, over the 8 years that I worked with her, it REALLY became a thorn in my side. Yes, I probably should have said something at some point, but I didn't want to cause family problems. (She's my husband's sister. It may have been different if they were MY side of the family.)

    A couple years after they weren't coming here anymore, I was telling my husband some story about how a parent scoffed over having to pay me for a couple days their kids didn't attend. It didn't dawn on me the fact that she was hearing this, and that's how SHE used to think. So she hears me complaining about this other parent, and gets wide eyes and says, "You CHARGE them when they're not there??!!??" I said, "Yes, I always have. I didn't for you, but I always have." And it felt great to let her know that she had "gotten away" with that for all those years.

    Anyway, sorry for the long story. Bottom line is, I totally agree that it sucks to do business with family!!!

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    • #3
      I'll be taking care of my niece in September half days. I won't be giving my sister any special priviledges or discounts and I told her that upfront! It's the only way I can do this is by keeping it professional. She makes more than enough to be able to afford my rate

      Comment


      • #4
        Wow, I read yours and you and I could almost be the same person ::.

        Well my DH and I decided to talk to her yesterday. I had a DC mom here when SIL arrived and DH began talking to SIL in front of DCM (he got a dirty look from me). It was a mess. DH brought up a problem about miscommunication (over nephew) and she became deffensive. SIL parked behind DCM in parking spot and blocked her in so DCM couldn't leave. I had to ask SIL to move her car and SIL took that as a chance to leave so I didn't get to discuss anything that I wanted to talk to her about in regards to DC.

        She had given me my nephews schedule for this week of M-T-Th-F. Yesterday he was to be dropped off in the afternoon and was dropped off at 8am by his dad. I declined drop-in DC to a client for Tuesday because I only had room for 1 child (DCM has 2). As SIL left yesterday she tells me that nephew would not be here Tuesday afterall and forgot to tell me . I told her to talk to nephew's dad and figure it out because this was not working for me. Either I got a schedule that was concrete and could not be changed or she bring nephew every day every week. I was able to call DCM and she still needed me.

        I'm also going to ask her to come by some time this week so that I can talk to her about my issues with her and how it's affecting my business.

        Thanks to you Joyce it dawned on me that maybe she was not aware of my issues with her because she did not know about my policies. I'll be giving her a drop-in contract to sign and a handbook which I will go over with her.

        The $10 a day was when nephew was coming 5 days a week ($50 a week). When her kids dad got out of jail she immediately pulled nephew out and began taking the kids to him (free childcare). When he got a job she told me that my nephew would be coming back only as drop-in and, like you, handed me payment only for the days that he was here. It was never discussed, she never asked me. She just decided that it would be that way and I let it.

        So I will also be raising her rates (she would still be getting a deal) and she will have to decide whether to go to full time and pay weekly even if my nephew doesn't come or she continues drop-in and her spot is not guaranteed. In other words, she will be treated like everybody else.

        Again, to everyone out there...
        IT'S NOT A GOOD IDEA TO MIX BUSINESS AND FAMILY.

        Comment


        • #5
          Originally posted by Ariana View Post
          I'll be taking care of my niece in September half days. I won't be giving my sister any special priviledges or discounts and I told her that upfront! It's the only way I can do this is by keeping it professional. She makes more than enough to be able to afford my rate
          You are smart ... smarter than me anyway ::

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          • #6
            I am sorry you had to learn the hard way. So did I. I hired a relative as my assistant and it was a disaster. Made worse because they got pregnant and I just couldn't bear to fire them because they had a baby on the way and no one was going to hire a pregnant person who was not coming back to work after baby was born. I hung in there till baby was born and will never hire a relative again or work for a relative.

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            • #7
              Originally posted by cheerfuldom View Post
              I am sorry you had to learn the hard way. So did I. I hired a relative as my assistant and it was a disaster. Made worse because they got pregnant and I just couldn't bear to fire them because they had a baby on the way and no one was going to hire a pregnant person who was not coming back to work after baby was born. I hung in there till baby was born and will never hire a relative again or work for a relative.
              It all comes down to easing our own guilt doesn't it? I havn't yet put my foot down because I feel bad for the kids. Who knows where she'll leave them if I don't take care for them. When I started watching them they were being cared for by their dad's 19 year-old brother. They were always hungry and the uncle was rough-housing with the older nephew but didn't like it. He was 9 I think. He'd cry when he had to go over there.

              After that I started taking care of them because I offered to watch her kids for the same amount that she was paying the uncle. That's how that got started. After a while my nephew got older and complained that this was "baby daycare". I focus on kids from 6 weeks to 5 years (but I do have a 6yo DCG and my own 7yo DD). His mom started letting him go to a friends house but my nephew began instigating arguments with the friend and the friend pushed him to the ground and choked him. He came back to my daycare and once he turned 10 he was able to walk himself to my MIL's house and stay there by himself. He only comes on days that school is out or on minimum days so that he's not alone all day.

              At least now I can say that I really tried. I'm giving it one last ditch effort. She can either sign a drop-in or FT contract and follow the same rules as everyone else and pay at least half of my regular rates (I will also be charging her for the days that my older nephew comes to cover food and supplies) or she can make other arrangements. If she decided to go elsewhere I hope she at least realized that she's not hurting me ... I'll only lose about $30-$40 a week. I make that in a day with one drop-in child. But she will be taking the one constant thing in my younger nephews life.

              We will see what happens. We have a "meeting" tomorrow. SIL and I will meet at MIL's house so that I can talke to her about my concerns. I'll let you know how it goes.

              Comment


              • #8
                Sorry to hear that

                After watching a neighbor's child I had to make the decision that I would not regularly care for friends or neighbors either for the same reasons. It makes it doubly hard to term someone who you see almost daily outside of the daycare.

                It's sad, but people who know you the best try to take advantage, or sometimes they just don't think how their actions affect you. Sometimes I will provide back up care to my best friend's son, and she is very good about setting the expectation that I will be paid up front, which is good. The problem is that when she picks him up around 2pm (she is an english teacher and out early) she wants to stay and chat for the next few hours, and will be here all throughout naptime, and even after the other kids are all gone. I couldn't do that everyday

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                • #9
                  MarinaVanessa I know exactly how you feel but this only leads to burn out faster!! Caring more for her kids than their own mother is not good for your sanity because in the end you feel used and that's not good for anyone. You're here to provide childcare not raise her kids. I know you love them and they're your relatives but the price seems pretty steep

                  As for hiring family for assistants my mother was suggesting she become my assistant when she moves here in a few months...I won't be touching that one with a 10 foot pole!! Not gonna happen, I'd rather keep my 3 kids and not expand

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    I learned the hard way not to care for family members...it's a shame bc I am sure there are good situations out there but I have only heard majority of bad.

                    I took care of my niece for my youngest sister for a a couple months and it didn't go well either. I ashually never did a contract with her but I did discuss the rules and what I exspected from her. I was soft though and allowed her to pay on fri. which I only received payment a hand full of times. Most of the time I'd have to go and pick the payment up. The last straw for me though was her not picking up her child and not informing me of what she intended. She just exspected me to care for her past my working hrs bc I was her sister. I called and called left message on her vm even texted it took her over a hr. to let me know what she was doing and it was all done being mad at me for inquiring. I ended up dropping my niece off over at our parents house to watch as I had plans after daycare. Needless to say I never got paid for that week and she also was due for the week prior. She told me the same thing as you "To get a Real job"

                    I told her that daycare is a real job...if I pay taxes it's a real job and I told her at least I can keep mine... we argued a lot but we ended up making up and I did eventually get paid but bc of of that whole thing I won't watch her kids. She needs to learn responsibility and that others won't let those things fly so quickly. I know she used our aunt for some time but something happened their..I am sure the same problems I had although no one is really saying and she got a new job but now is unemployed again to go back to school. In this amount of time she now has 2 kids and the other father is helping a lot with daycare exsp. and the kids are both in a daycare that his sister uses. Hopefully all is going good there on that front. Eventually she will learn...hopefully...

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                    • #11
                      Originally posted by SunshineMama View Post
                      It's sad, but people who know you the best try to take advantage, or sometimes they just don't think how their actions affect you.
                      Yes, and this is what bothers me the most. Although I have reminded her about a few things in the past and even just recently, I have never actually told her how I felt or how she affects my levels of stress. I got rid of a DCM a while back because of the stress levels and now I am almost ready to do the same here. Because she is family, I will give it one last chance but on my terms. The money doesn't matter to me as much (although I will increase her rate to half), it's things like late payments and just assuming that I'm ok with whatever she decides that really bothers me.

                      Originally posted by Ariana View Post
                      ... this only leads to burn out faster!! ... you feel used and that's not good for anyone. ... the price seems pretty steep
                      I see that. So now I will tell her how I feel (I think that this will help me), tell her what bothers me ...
                      *not walking her kids in and out
                      *blocking other clients
                      *getting the schedule really late
                      *Not stickng to the schedule she did gave me
                      *how she gets special treatment but no one else does
                      *constant late payments and yes,
                      *even the low rate.

                      Then I will present her with my solutions for the issues ...
                      *she will sign her kids in and out everyday (which means that she will have to come in and add the kids dad to the pick-up/drop-off paperwork and he will have to come in and sign them in/out also)
                      *a warning about not being able to park behind someone in the parking spot and if it continues then she will not be able to park there at all
                      *choosing between a guaranteed spot for my younger nephew (FT) or remaining as a drop-in client but not having a guaranteed spot and signing a contract either way. This way if she's late paying she's aware that I'll refuse service and if she decides on FT she'll owe a late fee. (FT will remove my scheduling problem altogether, treating her like a real drop-in will remove the stress of wondering if they're coming or saving a spot for my nephew (first pay-first serve)
                      *Having a contract will also mean she will have to follow all of my other policies. If she breaks my policies I'll term her and at least I'll feel ok about it, it was her choice not mine.
                      *Raising her rate to half of what my regular rates are. I'll still give her a deal but at least getting more for child care will make me feel better and hopefully get her attention "You want to take advantage? It's going to cost you" type thing. The rate will be half of my regulare rate depending on what type of care she wants. FT will be half of my FT rate, for drop-in she'll pay half of my drop-in rate (which is more hourly that FT or PT child care).
                      *I'll also charge her for my older nephew. She will pay half of my regular hourly drop-in rate of $2.50 an hour.

                      It'll still be up to her if she wants to stay, but under my terms. If she doesn't like it, I have no problem stopping care immediately.

                      Thanks for letting me think out-loud on here ladies. If I don't follow through with my plan you have my permission to flame me.

                      Originally posted by Ariana View Post
                      As for hiring family for assistants my mother was suggesting she become my assistant when she moves here in a few months...I won't be touching that one with a 10 foot pole!! Not gonna happen, I'd rather keep my 3 kids and not expand
                      Good thinking . My DH has offered to become my assistant once he retires from his job (a loooong ways away, he's 32) and if he didn't already help out a lot at daycare after work and if I hadn't already made it clear that this is MY business and he woudld me MY assistant and we would do things MY way ... then I might have immediately said no ::.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Originally posted by Christian Mother View Post
                        She needs to learn responsibility and that others won't let those things fly so quickly.
                        Agreed. And that's why I'm going to tighten the reigns. She'll still get awesome DC for half the price but she had an Awesomely Great thing going for her and didn't care to appreciate it. Now it's going to cost her to stay with me. Too bad it has nothing to do with the boys. They're great, funny, amazing kids and so well mannered most of the time (act better for me than they do for her), I will miss them if they stop coming.

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